Best Life Best Death

When Kera’s mom died unexpectedly at age 57, just a few days after Kera had just had a baby, the duality of grieving and mothering dropped her to her knees. Out of this grief and in the year that followed, Kera found resilience in the stories of so many others dealing with loss. While still a full-time high school teacher, she launched a magazine called Get Griefy, packed with stories that move an...

How do we support individuals to do death better? #1 Realize that the medical system isn’t set up to address the gaps for the dying and their families. #2 Identify for you and yours: what are the gaps we are going to have, and what might possibly fill them? #3 Look into resources ahead of time . The bottom line: We aren’t very prepared and there are gaps we really should know about. Take your head...

The HeartLight Center in Denver, CO is a nonprofit grief center offering in-person and online support to those who are grieving or supporting grievers. Executive Director Jenn Flaum talks with me about how they strive to “adapt, connect, and create what’s meaningful” for all those who come through the door. What are the different things that grievers need? What does a grief group look like? How is...

Several years ago, film Director Johanna Lunn set out to make a movie about death. What she quickly discovered was that there were enormous amounts of material and innumerable possibilities for directions this could take. So she co-founded a website, whenyoudie.org , and ultimately created three films, each one a compilation of interviews with experts, musings by the narrator, and gorgeous views o...

Helen Bauer is one of those people who makes connections and disseminates information in every way she can think of! With 500+ podcast episodes of The Heart of Hospice, and 15+ years as a hospice nurse, Helen is dedicated to helping people answer the questions they have about the end of life – especially when it comes to hospice care. What kind of choices do I have at this stage? What are my optio...

I reached out to artist Claudia Biçen when I learned about an installation she had created some years ago that combined the portraits and words of hospice patients in a striking, intimate way. Our conversation ended up being about that, yes, but we also explore the richness of creativity, impermanence, adaptation, and the making of meaning. As Claudia said, “Life throws you this experience and you...

We have probably all attended funerals that we found meaningful – and services that fell flat. What are the parts that make up a meaningful memorial service? What’s the difference between a funeral and a celebration of life? How does music make a difference? How can an officiate – whether secular or religious – help to hold the experience of the day for all who participate? In these modern times,...

Nothing like talking to an expert in the field to clarify what truly matters! Sue Mackey has been working for more than 15 years to help people prepare for the end of life. We talk about critical pieces of the puzzle, such as: What is a healthcare proxy? Is that the same thing as a durable medical power of attorney? And why are there so many terms that mean the same thing anyway? (Spoiler: There i...

Dr. Qwynn Galloway-Salazar brings her experience as a veteran and spouse of a combat veteran straight into her work as a death doula and educator. She sees the value of a multi-layered approach, believing that: 1) we can best companion veterans who are dying by understanding their unique end-of-life needs; 2) we can better support the caregivers of veterans through education and practical resource...

This week I have a conversation with none other than an old family friend. And while I love talking to the experts out there, there’s something just kinda basic about about chatting with a friend who’s “been through it” with his parents and in-laws. What are the lessons he gleaned? What went well in their family situation? What are the pitfalls he has seen, personally and through his work? We talk...

Amy Nofziger is the Director of Victim Support for the AARP Fraud Watch Network and has nearly two decades of experience in fraud prevention and victim support. Listen to this BLBD episode to get the scoop on scams and fraud. What is it? How does it happen? Could I be a victim? What do I do if I am? As Amy says, “Know the red flags: asking for money or your personal information. End of story.” Wha...

What would it mean to you to “Always go to Ohio”? In this episode, author Jennifer Graham and I ponder the question: why show up?  Whether for a next door neighbor, or for a family member or friend across the country, how do we show up for one another? Jennifer says, “That’s one of the lessons that I’ve taken from all of this: That there’s absolutely nothing you can do that has more value than phy...

In this episode, learn about “wind phones” — what are they, where are they, who is making them, and why? Created to share a continuing relationship with someone who has died, wind phones are in our communities in some surprising places. As Amy Dawson, curator of the website mywindphone.com, says, “The concept of sending messages on the wind isn’t new… It goes back to Greek mythology, and beyond. G...

Allison Applebaum, Ph. D. sees caregiving through both a personal and professional lens, giving her a unique take on the logistics of individual situations as well as the broad view. She talks about the “three buckets of responsibilities” that are common for carepartners; offers ways to create support both internally (think: breathing) and externally (think: build a team of support); and asks two...

Dr Matthew Tyler is a palliative doctor and champion via social media for having the hard conversations when necessary. He knows that doctors are doing their best, and some excel at breaking difficult news to patients. But communication skills have to be developed over time and with experience, and every patient is unique in their desire for “That Conversation.” So – you have to train your doctor...

This conversation with Dr Aditi Sethi is a heart-felt discussion of a film, a doctor’s experience of an unusual patient, and the idea that “death has value.” Dr Sethi is the type of palliative care and hospice doctor who brings full presence and full heart to everything she does, and together we reflect on the film, her friendship and doula work with Ethan Sisser, and what it means to die in commu...

Willow End of Life Education and Planning is all about changing the conversation around death and dying to include living . As Reena Lazar says, “All that matters in the end, matters now.” We talk about how the finiteness of life is profoundly motivating; how thinking about the end and working backwards makes a difference in how we live; the impact of a quick love letter exercise; and how conversa...

Caring for someone who is dying takes a different approach, and family members may not always remember that or see that it is no longer time to "seek a cure." Katie Duncan and I discuss some of the challenges that family caregivers face when someone is dying: realizing the time to "fix" is at an end; stepping into a role with little or no training; adjusting to this new role, o...

At some point in your life, caregiving will likely come upon you, if it hasn’t already. As Rosalynn Carter noted, there are only four kinds of people in this world: “Those who have been caregivers; those who are currently caregivers; those who will be caregivers; and those who will need caregivers." What can we put in place to help folks in this role? Katie helps us think through some key que...

Sonya Barsness brings theory and practice together in her work and teaching as a "revisionary" Gerontologist. How can we improve the experience of aging in the 2020s in the US? What would it mean to be more positive in our understanding and actual experience of aging? What do seniors need as they age? What do humans need at any age, and how do we keep it or create it as we grow older? Pe...

Why is this one of my favorite books? How can a book like this have a positive impact on your view of your life *and* your death? What are some pragmatic topics we could benefit from thinking about? What are some of the thoughtful gems from authors BJ Miller, MD and Shoshana Berger? Listen in as I talk about this book and see if you want to add it to your nightstand pile... A Beginner's Guide...

This week: a joint podcast with The Heart of Hospice and host Helen Bauer. This is swift-talking, wide-ranging, longer-than-usual chat! What brought me into end of life work? Why might any of us want a “supported death”? How can end-of-life workers bring an open mind to any death? How can caregivers be held, metaphorically and literally? What can we learn while in a relationship with hospice? How...

Description: This podcast is jampacked with content, including a discussion of advance directives for dementia, Voluntary Stopping of Eating and Drinking, and a deep dive into decision making. In this week’s conversation, Chaplain Hank Dunn suggests a framework for thinking things through, including asking: 1) What’s the goal that you are trying to accomplish? 2) What would the patient want, and w...

When difficult choices arise around healthcare and the nearing end of life, Hank Dunn has some ideas to help us decide what to do. In his book, Hard Choices for Loving People , he suggests that families consider asking themselves and each other: What are we trying to accomplish? What’s the goal? Are we trying to cure? Are we looking to stabilize functioning? Or are we preparing for a comfortable a...

What an honor to chat with three leading doulas and teachers, Diane Button, Gabby Jimenez and Angela Shook. Their new book combines the best of all that they know – over 30 years of experience with death and dying. The Doula Tool Kit: The Complete Practical Guide for End-of-Life Doulas and Caregivers provides “the guidance and tangible tools that people need to actually feel comfortable to sit wit...