Bcomingundone

Day 1-3 after a session when my dopamine levels drop. Number, sensation, emotion, self care provided? Day 0 is play session Day 1 lots of emotions, full range, desire to bond Day 2-3 less oscillating  Final thoughts. I love being my own science experiment would love to find a partner as much into personal development as myself. Using the relationship as self discovery holding each other accou...

A quick reading of a dbt tip...just the tip ;) I have known sexual energy ebbs and flows but just realized the energy can vary in degree/vibration level through out the day. I've been seeing nre within myself that I haven't experienced since I was 12. I'm becoming my own wholesome partner. I am open and excited to the time I have a partnership to which I get to see myself in a healthy, loving, cha...

I didn't discover James Nestor on batgap, it was another podcast. I went to my first breathwork class and had an amazing experience. I'm addicted. Healing feminine means receptive space can be held for the masculine. 

Good bye good bye good bye you were bigger than the whole sky, you were more than a short time...22 blew, 23 is for me!

After some reading on Awakened Love and listening to a podcast about Dopamine I had thoughts going through my mind. All of sudden someone/something outside of these thoughts made me aware of these thoughts. I then released feelings of attachments to my body and released feelings of attachment to those thoughts; it was amazing!

I needed a break and could use some tree hugs while unloading my troubles. Here with these 5 minutes, I read some stories I posted about trees. A quick listen before bed. Thank you for being here.

An after almost dissection session...reconnection after almost a severance. How did I see fire and still encourage myself to walk towards it? I can trust myself. A lot of my questions were answered, I no longer have to feed my fantasies, my energy better served elsewhere. Find a relationship filled with motivation, mine is dopamine via sexual connection, to face your friction and the things that b...

Mmmmmasochist: THE VOW Mmmmmmmmmmmmasokisssssssssed The cycle Sickness Sick The crave To the oral fix. Late to the show Takes the hand A loud smack on her flesh Breaking in a sting to her ass Welting a rosy red glow. Entrance to her heaven Wetness The bliss Neural pathways light up The goo in her brain Becomes sweeter than the memory of his one time kiss. Her heart races Sweat begins to bead His h...

My account closed again, this time I'm good to leave it closed. Toxic men reactive to disappointment and rejection. I suspect I won't find a partner through these dating apps that are really dopamine traps. I seek to be supported, safe, seen and significant in another’s life. After the new year I will be open to receiving such connections/relationships. Last sessions with play partner our experien...

Real time clarity about my drops. In a drop I've decided this is shit and I need to remember how shitty it is, to think twice about playing because drops can be shitty. Then at the end I see what the brain is doing because of chemicals trying to balance, returning to stasis in my brain. For contrast I add at the end a recording I made while I was in a high state from dopamine. These large drops do...

I am on the other side of a health scare and my being feels different. Sogyal Rinpoche, "Don't mistake understanding for realization, don't mistake realization for liberation."  What others, including myself, knew what would transpire, I still did not stop the experience as I have received valuable lessons about myself and about others.  This was first session after I was cleared at the 11th hour...

I cry, a bit.  I've learned to let go of stories about people including their stories therefore it's just their light I am with. I realized I was attached to stories not people. I'm reaching the boiling point with a current health challenge.  Finding presence with current moments. Zoom out and easily can become detached, too close and suffer with possible attachment.  Amazed how man...

"...experiencing actually is our self. It's not that there's a self that's experiencing things; the experience is everything." From the book by Bruce Tift, Already Free, discussing Alan Watts view on the self. This frees me from the sense of being cornered, feeling things happening to me or at me. This shift leaves me with expansion and abundant possibilities.  My first awareness of being onl...

Hey I don't cry here! I read a section in the book by Bruce Tift, "Already Free Buddhism Meets Psychotherapy On The Path Of Liberation" I have a couple of tics (I woo-hoo and an excited exhale- this is part of my tics/stems) from excited awareness! I went and pulled from the vault, a recent experience, I expose of myself and in the process I capture my self actualizing.  This book has been so...

I found this piece and it inspired to me to read aloud. I have been experiencing too much time in my head with wounded ego no longer feeling desired. Reading this brought back sensations in my body when I did feel like prey. Thank for the much needed dopamine bump.  From The Depths by Pandoras-Fox Thank you for being here.

Out of my element. My tics are active. Poor girl from thenhood going to a swanky lodge. Can't afford but intuition said to go. Also therapist hurt me with an image. I cross boundaries pulling people into my house when they'd rather stay outside and peer through my bedroom window. I'm witnessing fear. Doing new things, health stuff, jeep stuff, and sticking to boundaries. Met a new possible friend...

Researched some about women with autism spectrum and sexuality/intimacy. I do have boundary issues even with myself. Is it possible to find hot sexual chemistry and then develop a deep loving friendship?

I can easily succumb (I have a desire to rewrite that word as suc'cum, playfully honoring moments, myself and another person) to thoughts that are arising. I see why I placed myself with certain people intuitively knowing there wouldn't be a romantic ending. Still I proceeded. I needed a catalyst to burn away these layers. I can crash and burn up in all this. But instead I'm in stillness and can c...

I break my Timeout Tuesday to share a brief writing inspired from play.

Busy full day. Therapy too, spent my session crying with her about my deceased friend and about my desire to know and share heart spaces with others. None to worry no tears this episode. Thanks for being here.

Didn't get a chance to hug him. I did tell him once how his wonderful laugh brightens my shitty days. Suicide. Stigma asking for help.

My depressive state is really rocking in the mud to get through it. Gathering resilience with moments of sitting in silence- eye of my storm. Anniversary of my brother's passing was difficult. Also a relative with a health crisis. Seeing connections as a beautiful game of leap frog. Some continue with me down parallel paths and others leap away. I'm in a state of flatline contentment. Satisfied. R...

Sick and play partner is gone. I have been in my space in head not in body. Binged on fet/porn. Good relationships cause friction for self reflection. Found a funny pre-play session almost cancelled I wasn't feeling pretty. I'd like to do nonsexual activities with my sex. Also I read Patton Oswalt's nonsense. Hilarious. My thoughts hopped up on nyquil. Just need to cry and cum- crum. Oy. This is b...

Letting thoughts come and go. Summer of self-love to prepare for active dating. Looking forward to hugging, fucking, and kissing at the same time!

Processing my internal dialogue regarding an orgasm I just had. A 40 minute climb and release. I experienced a few after shocks 6 minutes after.  Not focusing on the outcome of an orgasm, being with the body, my body, as I scan from toe to head to observe what sensations I experience on the way up to an orgasm.  I sobbed as I will often do when fully connected to presence. I use differen...