Ask Dr. Julie Hanks

In this episode, I coach Michelle and address the question “How can I let go of control in my life as a mom pursuing a masters degree?” Michelle shares she has always felt like she has to be one hundred percent all the time and if something goes wrong it is her fault. Michelle wants to have time for herself, time to be present with her family, and time to pursue her dreams. We dive into how she ca...

In this bonus episode of the podcast, I talk with Courtney Brown , CEO of Cents of Style , about aspirational shame. Aspirational shame is the experience of feeling guilty for having aspirations outside of home and family life. We share our personal experiences with aspirational shame and share how we came to reject the paradigm of work and family life being in opposition.  Courtney and I share le...

In this episode, I coach Jane and address the question “How can I set boundaries with my mentally ill mother?” Jane has struggled interacting with her mother and feeling manipulated throughout her life and is seeing the cost of that pattern. Jane wants to set boundaries with her mother and is feeling a lot of pressure in the relationship. We dive into what would happen if Jane stopped answering he...

This special podcast episode is a celebration of Ask Dr. Julie Hanks reaching half a million downloads. I hosted a live Q&A and answered questions about family, faith, mental health, faith transitions, communication, and more. I hope you’ll also enjoy my bonus musical performance of “ You Can’t Lose My Love ” and “ Mother, Where Art Thou? ” Thank you for listening, sharing, and helping my podc...

In this episode, I coach Kacey and address the question “How can I help my kids foster a relationship with a family member I don’t get along with?” Kacey has a strained relationship with her mother-in-law, but she doesn’t want their relationship to influence how her children interact with their grandmother. As we talk, it becomes clear that Kacey’s worries are deeper than her kids’ relationship wi...

In this episode, I coach Tessa and address the question “How can I reframe the way I think about my job?” Growing up, Tessa was taught that finding a job she loves meant she wouldn’t work a day in her life. As she has grown and entered the workforce, she is yet to find a career she is passionate about. Tessa wants to reframe her thinking so she can be grateful for the job that provides for her fam...

In this bonus episode, I answer audience questions live about making peace with your body. I answer questions like How do you accept your body after weight gain? How can I expand my self definition beyond my appearance? How can I appreciate my body’s functions more than its form? How do I set boundaries with family members when they comment about my body or clothing? Our bodies are with us our ent...

In this episode, I coach Lauren and address the question “How can I initiate difficult conversations with non-receptive parents?” Lauren wants to break the cycle of negative experiences she had as a child to protect her young daughter. During our time together we talk through how she can have these difficult conversations and advocate for herself if her parents are not immediately receptive to wha...

In this episode, I coach Suzy Holman and answer the question “How do we change judgment culture?” Suzie recently decided to stop wearing her garments and worries that the clothing she wears will lead others to think that she is no longer a safe space. Garments are a reminder of covenants made I. The temple. Culturally, they often give individuals a sense of trust among others of the same group, an...

In this episode, I coach Amanda and address the question, “Why is it hard for us to make a mutual decision about where to move?” Amanda and her husband have been practicing a partnership approach to their marriage, but sometimes she feels their decision-making power is still unevenly distributed. Amanda and I discuss ways she and her husband can decide who will take the decision-making lead in dif...

In this episode, I coach Jessica Frew of the Husband In Law Podcast and address the question, “How can I support my children in our blended family?” Jessica, her husband, and her ex husband have worked together to create an ecosystem of support and acceptance within their blended family, but some sensitive situations still arise. Jessica shares how she wants to encourage Church attendance without...

In this bonus episode of the podcast, I have a very special guest: my daughter Madeline Hanks. We have a vulnerable conversation about Madeline’s decision to leave the The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints as a teenager and how I reacted to her decision. We also tell the story of how we healed our relationship and the conversations that helped us grow closer together. This month in the D...

In this episode, I coach Chelsea and address the question, “How do I combat my need for control as a mother so I don’t hinder my child’s growth?” Chelsea is considering homeschooling her son but worries that this desire comes from a place of fear and control. As we talk it becomes clear that Chelsea is struggling not with a need for control but with unresolved abuse. I recommend that Chelsea atten...

In this episode, I coach Ali and Andrew and address the question, “How can I support my partner when they are going through a difficult time?” Our conversation covers love languages, articulating emotional needs, tolerating others’ suffering, and more. I advise Ali and Andrew to remember that they are individuals with unique thoughts and feelings. Sometimes in a partnership it is hard not to adopt...

In this episode, I coach Felicia and address the question “Why don’t I do the things I know would be good for me?” Even though she knows self care would help her feel less stressed, she has found herself utilizing avoidance tactics to manage her feelings. During our time together, Felicia and I discuss her current unmet needs because when parents are irritable, it’s often from a combination of hig...

In this bonus episode, I meet with Rosie Card , owner and CEO of Q.Noor . We have a rich discussion about setting healthy boundaries and advocating for yourself in Church settings. Boundaries are tools to protect ourselves. Since you know yourself better than anyone else, you can know where you do and don’t need to set boundaries. People often worry that boundaries are bad or rude, but Rosie share...

In this episode, I coach Keslie and address the question “What do I do when my husband and I disagree about Church topics? Keslie’s husband is a traditional member of the Church while she is more nuanced in her beliefs. After experiencing a disagreement, Keslie is looking for strategies for finding middle ground. I tell Keslie that differences do not have to mean disconnection. Different views in...

In this episode, I coach Ali and address the question, “How do I let go of others’ emotional burdens?” Ali remembers taking on others’ burdens from a very young age. She has come to feel that her value and identity are connected to helping other people carry their loads. She sometimes feels like a bad person when she has her own difficult burdens and emotions to work through. During our time toget...

In this episode, I coach Sarah and address the question, “How can I re-find joy in motherhood while balancing the demands of caregiving?” It was important to Sarah to be a stay-at-home mom when her children were little. Now that they are older, Sarah feels less fulfilled in this role and notices this is affecting her relationship with her kids. Sarah and I discuss how household chores and parentin...

In this episode, I coach Regan and address the question “How can I support my husband with his mental health struggles while also holding boundaries for my mental health?” Together we discuss partnership, mental health, supporting self and spouse, and how to talk to someone about getting therapy. Regan’s husband had a negative experience attending therapy and has been hesitant to return. I coach R...

I recently had the opportunity to sit down with Sasha Piton (known on Instagram as @themormonhippie ) and have a conversation about claiming personal authority. Sasha shares her conversion story, answers audience questions, and talks about how she has learned to connect with God. Members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints believe in personal revelation. We believe that the prophets...

In this episode, I coach Heather and address the question "In a religion where families are everything, what if I don’t want a relationship with a sibling?” Heather shares that while she has forgiven her siblings, she doesn’t want to be around them after what they did. I reaffirm that she has every right to decide who she wants in her life. You can fully forgive someone and choose not to have...

In this bonus podcast episode, I met with Sadie of Simply Sadie Jane . We spoke about how she has handled differences with family members in how she practices her faith and how she’s found tools of healing. While it can be uncomfortable for people to see you live your life differently than they live theirs, that doesn’t mean you cannot be true to yourself. Variety makes the world a beautiful place...

In this episode, I coach Katelyn and address the question "How do I reconcile my faith with abuse done in the name of righteousness?" I tell Katelyn that she doesn’t have to reconcile bad things that other people have done. Those people were wrong, and the gospel can still be true. And you can still participate in it if you want to, even though there are broken people all around you. We...

In this episode, Dr. Julie Hanks coaches Melissa and addresses the question "How can I stop seeking my family’s approval of my life decisions?" Melissa is ready to move forward with her life after a divorce, but she feels held back by the need to prove to her parents that she made the right choice. During this episode, Dr. Hanks guides Melissa through these feelings. They discuss that wh...