Ask Dr. Julie Hanks

In this podcast episode, I talk with Natalie and address the question “How can I find healing from the challenges of being a quadruplet?” One of Natalie’s biggest challenges is comparison, both in comparing herself to her quadruplet siblings and to those around her. Natalie seems to have somehow decided that she doesn’t measure up. I ask her to turn inward and reflect on her definition of what is...

In this bonus podcast episode, I sit down and answer eight of your most frequently asked questions. Listen to see how I answer questions like: I want another child, but my husband does not. How do we navigate this? How do I keep a good relationship with my parents while pursuing my authentic life’s path, even if that path may hurt them? How do my partner and I work together if I leave the Church a...

In this episode I talk with Caitlin and answer the question “How do I handle the fear of temporal and eternal consequences if I leave the Church?” Caitlin’s faith journey has led her to some questions about the LDS Church. But whenever she contemplates leaving, she feels fear. What if she forfeits something by leaving the Church? As Caitlin and I talk, it becomes clear that a lot of her decisions...

In this episode, I talk with Benjamin and answer the question “What can I do when my ex doesn’t want to co-parent?” Benjamin shares that there are still a lot of hurt feelings between himself and his ex wife due to infidelity. While he is interested in coparenting for the benefit of his children, she is uninterested in having that closeness. Benjamin asks how he can build trust back with his ex. F...

In this episode, I talk with Rebecca and answer the question “How can I better connect and communicate with my orthodox family now that I’ve left the LDS Church?” Rebecca left the LDS Church and came out as gay. Her family has been accepting and supportive, but she has noticed they tend to be awkward and avoidant when her girlfriend is around. To Rebecca, it feels like she is being rejected. I ask...

In this episode, I talk with Jodie and answer the question “Am I helping or enabling my adult child who suffers from mental illness?” Jodie’s daughter moved home from college after experiencing a traumatic event, and Jodie is struggling to know when to help her versus when to step back.  Jodie worries that if she doesn’t do enough to help her daughter, her daughter will go on a downward spiral tha...

In this episode, I talk with Shelby and answer the question “How can I cope with the idea that my dad will always choose the Church over me?” Shelby has left the LDS Church. At times when Shelby has asked her father to be on her side, he has told her that he will always put the Church first. I invite Shelby to reframe her thoughts about her father having to choose her or the Church and open up the...

In this episode, I talk with a mother and answer the question “How do I navigate a relationship with my difficult parents who do not support my gay son?” This mother grew up in a home where individuality was discouraged, and she often felt attacked for sharing opinions that differed from her parents’. Their traditional Christian views are unsupportive of her son, and she worries for what they will...

In this episode, I talk with Rachel and address the question “How do I come to terms with decisions my parents made for my life that should have been made by me?” Rachel shares a few examples with me that have left her wondering “What if?”  Now that Rachel is about to become a mother, she is struggling with the choice of whether to be a stay-at-home mom (which her parents have always encouraged he...

In this bonus episode of the podcast, I talk with Sal Osborne of @comingoutcoach about communicating with active LDS parents during a faith transition. Sal talks about the evolution of her relationship with her mother, who was an active member of the LDS Church when Sal came out.  Sal shares ways that we can help those going through a faith transition feel accepted and loved for who they are. It i...

In this episode of the podcast I work with Sariah and address the question, “How can I work through my fear of rejection?”  Sariah grew up in an abusive environment, and she sees the impact of that in her daily life and relationships. She tells me that she feels her fear of rejection crop up especially around her family. Sariah shares that she is working really hard to be accepted in a family that...

In this episode, I coach Kellie and address the question, “What do I do when I see my mom favoring my sister-in-law who has a personality disorder?” Although Kellie has repeatedly set boundaries with her mother that relate to her sister-in-law, Kellie’s mother has not respected those boundaries. This has left Kellie feeling like she cannot trust her mother. Kellie shares that her mother has been s...

In this bonus episode of the podcast, I talk with Dr. Camden Morgante about recovering from the effects of purity culture. Dr. Camden is a psychologist, Christian, coach, and writer who is currently working on a book about the myths of purity culture. During our time together we define purity culture and talk about how it is more than just teaching abstinence before marriage. In purity culture, ab...

In this episode, I coach Heather and address the question, “How do I change the type of man I am attracted to?” Heather has noticed a pattern in her dating life where she is attracted to men who she has to work to please, and oftentimes those men can be cruel. We often tend to repeat emotional experiences that we had in our childhood. Heather and I talk about if she felt like she had to work to he...

In this episode, I talk with Brittany and address the question, “How do I have a relationship with my needy mother-in-law while needing to take care of my own family?” Brittany and her husband provided a lot of financial and emotional support to her mother-in-law before Brittany’s husband passed away. Their current relationship leaves Brittany feeling guilty and resentful toward her mother-in-law....

In this bonus podcast episode I talk with Dr. Bat Sheva Marcus , who is an Orthodox Jewish therapist, writer, author, and speaker who specializes in sexuality. She is also the author of Sex Points . Though we come from different religious backgrounds, our faith traditions have many similarities, especially when it comes to talking about sex. Dr. Bat Sheva tells me about how sexuality was taught wh...

In this episode, I coach Amber and address the question, “Should my ex be putting his new spouse and marriage before our children?” Amber’s ex-husband is getting married and moving away at the end of the year. Her children are struggling with the fact that he will be spending less time with them, and Amber is feeling the stress of even more being put on her plate as her husband’s custody of their...

In this episode, I coach Madeline and address the question, “How do I release my need to please people without feeling guilty?” Madeline shares that she struggles to make her voice a priority. Throughout her life she has placed great importance on other people’s approval, and because of this she feels guilt when she does set boundaries. I surmise that somewhere along the lines, Madeline got the me...

In this episode I coach Alison Faulkner , host of the Awesome with Alison podcast and author of You’re Already Awesome . Alison was getting ready to release her book when we talked, so I addressed her question, “How do I do hard things when they seem too hard to do?” Alison shares that when something feels hard, she often wonders if she’s doing it wrong. I reaffirm that she is doing things her way...

In this episode, I coach Farrah and address her concern: “My husband is leaving the Church, and now I’m struggling with my own testimony. Do I stay or do I go?” Farrah feels she has comfortably lived in a gray area of the Church her whole life, acknowledging what she feels to be true and leaving behind the things she doesn’t agree with. Now, however, she feels like she needs to make a decision abo...

In this episode, I coach Tanya and address the question, “How do I navigate feeling like I don’t fit in or personally align with LDS culture while wanting to stay a member of the Church?” Tanya has been feeling a disconnect between her values—particularly when it comes to views on LGBTQ+ matters—and Church culture. Though she doesn’t feel like she fits in, she has been looking for any possible way...

In this bonus episode of the podcast, I talk with Tiffany Roe , mental health counselor and host of the Therapy Thoughts podcast . We discuss this month’s membership topic—healing your inner child—and Tiffany drops dozens of truth bombs throughout the conversation. Here are just a few of the topics we cover: How to find a therapist who can help with inner child work What actually causes trauma (it...

In this episode, I coach Dakota and address the question, “How do I release the burden of feeling responsible to protect my siblings from the struggles and challenges of life?” Dakota is the oldest of six children, and she has always felt responsible for her younger siblings. She wants to be there to help them, but she finds herself taking on their problems and as a result sometimes feels drained...

In this episode, I coach Kirsten and address the question, “How can I stop overthinking about things in the future that are out of my control?” Kirsten finds herself constantly thinking ahead and worrying about consequences, pros and cons, and right and wrong. This interferes with her ability to enjoy her life as it is today. During our time together, I notice Kirsten worrying about making right c...

In this episode, I coach entrepreneur and influencer Rachel Parcell ( @rachparcell ), owner of rachelparcell.com , and address the question “How can I let go of mom guilt and create more partnership in my family?” Rachel and her husband have a common relationship dynamic where one is the strict parent and one is the fun parent and how it is impacting their family. Rachel talks about feeling mom gu...