Ask Dr. Julie Hanks

In this episode, I’m joined by Valerie Hamaker from Latter Day Struggles Podcast . We discuss the importance of open dialogue with children, the case-by-case approach to parenting, and the significance of considering a child's well-being and spiritual growth.  We also explore the complexities of navigating religion and belief systems within the family dynamic, addressing topics such as attend...

In this episode I meet with Lianne and answer the question, “How can I accept that I would have chosen differently in the past if I knew what I know now?” Lianne is getting ready to re-enter the workforce now that her youngest is in daycare, and she wishes that she had gotten her master’s degree before becoming a full-time mom. I advise Lianne to find compassion for the young woman she was when sh...

In this episode I talk with Jess and answer the question, “How do I deal with fear of judgment in the Church?” Jess especially worries about what others think of her clothing choices. This has impeded her from fully enjoying activities ranging from attending Church to going to the beach with her family. I ask Jess to do the following when she notices herself worrying about her clothing: notice tha...

In this episode I talk with DJ and answer the question, “How do I prevent burnout as a working mom?” DJ is finishing up her maternity leave, and she feels nervous about going back to work. There is so much on her plate, and it feels like something needs to be deprioritized as she re-enters the workspace. The only problem is, there isn’t anything that can be pushed to the side. I ask DJ how she and...

In this episode I talk with Angie and answer the question, “How can I fall in love with my life again as a new mother?” Angie sometimes feels grief when she thinks of how her life used to be. It almost feels like she missed out on being young by getting married and having children in her early 20s. Overall, she wants to learn how to live this stage of life and feel like herself again. Angie shares...

In this episode I talk with Hannah and answer the question, “How can I recognize a healthy romantic connection when I have one?” Hannah describes a theme from her past relationships where she’s often felt like she has to be perfect in order to receive love. This pattern dates back to her childhood relationship with her father. I tell Hannah that we tend to replay our early relationships in our rom...

For this special episode of the Ask Dr. Julie Hanks podcast, I sat down with Valerie Hamaker of the Latter Day Struggles podcast and discussed the talk “To the Mothers in Zion” by President Ezra Taft Benson. This talk played a significant role in shaping our development and faith—and we had a lot to share. Valerie and I discussed how as a result of this talk, many Latter-day Saint women felt they...

In this episode I talk with Cassie and answer the question “How can I find support for myself as my husband heals from a traumatic childhood?” Cassie’s husband is actively working on healing from this trauma, but there are times when she feels like her wants and needs have to take a back seat until he is better. The story that Cassie has to put everything on hold while her husband heals is not tru...

In this episode, I talk with Moriah and answer the question “How do I validate myself in my struggles with secondary infertility?” Moriah has two children from a previous relationship, but she and her husband of four years have been unable to have a child of their own. She is in a unique position where she belongs to the infertility community but feels guilty for struggling with that heartache whe...

In this episode I talk with Michelle and answer the question “How do I share my doubts about the LDS Church with my family?” Michelle’s parents are both very religious, and she is unsure how to share the news of her faith journey with them. Part of being honest about where you are on a faith journey is often disappointing your parents. This is especially hard for Michelle who has felt pressure to...

In this episode I talk with Kelsey and answer the question, “How do I come to terms with my last baby entering toddlerhood?” She is feeling a sense of loss as her third child leaves the baby stage behind. Instead she wants to be able to feel more joy as her child grows and develops. I tell Kelsey that the emotions she is experiencing are totally normal, especially for women who had difficult or co...

In this episode I talk with Sarah and answer the question “How can I step away from a friendship without hurting my friend’s feelings?” Sarah feels like it is time to distance herself from both a group of friends and an individual friend because the relationships are no longer helpful in her life. It’s hard to break up with a friend without hurting their feelings. I invite Sarah to think about the...

In this podcast episode, I talk with Dr. Jennifer Finlayson-Fife. She answered the question, “How do I claim my sexuality?” Dr. Finlayson-Fife is a relationship and sexuality educator and coach as well as a licensed clinical professional counselor. She has resources on her website to help you achieve greater satisfaction and passion within your emotional and sexual relationship. During our time to...

This week Richie joins me as I answer more of your most frequently asked questions. Listen to hear answers to questions like: Is my grief over infertility related to the teaching that the most important thing for me to be is a mother? Does your husband agree with everything you post? Is lasting change possible? How do I overcome imposter syndrome? How do navigate my personal growth while also supp...

In this episode I talk with Heidi and answer the question “Do I have to end my friendship with a family member’s ex now that they are divorced?” Heidi grew very close with the person who married into her family, and after that marriage ended Heidi’s family member asked her to cut contact with their ex. Heidi wants to be respectful, but she also really misses her friend. I advise Heidi that her fam...

In this episode, I talk with Valerie and answer the question “What do I do when my friends and family won’t acknowledge my vulnerable faith deconstruction work?” Valerie is a fellow therapist and podcaster. She has been struggling with negative feedback from strangers about her podcast about faith deconstruction and a lack of feedback from friends and family. I tell Valerie that any bad reviews fr...

In this episode, I talk with Stacy and answer the question “How can I build confidence and not let self-doubt hold me back from achieving my goals?” Stacy is studying to become a therapist, and she wants to build up her confidence so that it doesn’t fluctuate based on feedback from other people like her supervisor or family. Stacy tells me that sometimes she feels that she will have confidence onc...

I’m excited to bring you another FAQ podcast episode! Join me as I sit down with Richie and answer more of your frequently asked questions. Tune in to hear answers to questions like: How do I stand up for myself with in-laws who want me to be traditional and politically conservative when I am neither of those things? How can I help my daughters know their worth? Who am I anymore without children t...

In this bonus podcast episode I talk with Dr. Jennifer Douglas about March’s theme in the Dr. Julie Hanks Group Coaching Membership: How do I stop seeking others’ approval? In this dynamic conversation we uncover the roots of perfectionism, share phrases and mantras that help battle perfectionist thinking, talk about how overfunctioning at home is a form of perfectionism, discuss the benefits of b...

In this bonus podcast episode, I talk with Dr. Morgan Francis about overcoming body shame and cultivating body love. Dr. Francis is a licensed therapist who offers courses and therapy services on her website that can help you stop hating your body. During our time together we talk about how we develop body shame, the different ways body shame can show up in our day-to-day lives, and what influence...

Jennifer is a mother of 1 and a widow who recently remarried. Growing up, she always felt that her parents had a great relationship because they put each other first. Now that she is remarried, she wants to know if this approach is the best way to make sure everyone in her home is taken care of. Instead of always setting one person before another, I encourage Jennifer to look for ways to balance h...

In this bonus podcast episode, I sit down with my podcast editor Richie and answer another round of your frequently asked questions. Listen to find answers to questions like When do I know if I am depressed or just in a rut? How can I respect members of the LDS Church when I don’t respect the Church’s actions? How can I have respectful dialogue about my faith transition with family and friends? Ho...

In this episode, I talk with Cyd and address the question “When my parents don’t respect my boundaries, how can I find a middle ground between putting up with it and shutting them out?” Cyd expresses frustration at her parents’ inability to accept her for who she is without trying to manipulate the choices she makes. Cyd is doing a great job setting boundaries with her parents and genuinely wants...

In this episode I talk with Tamee and answer the question “Why do I have such a hard time when I tell my kids no?” Tamee shares that even though she knows she isn’t responsible for making sure her children are always happy, she feels responsible whenever they have a negative response to hearing no. Tamee grew up in a house where she felt unsafe, uncomforted, and even invisible at times. Little Tam...

In this bonus episode of the podcast, I talk with Chrissy Powers about the difference between self care and selfishness. Chrissy is an LMFT, creative coach, writer, therapist, and mother of three. Her work focuses on encouraging others to live their fullest lives through unfreezing patterns of trauma. Taking care of yourself and being selfish are two different things, and yet so many women feel se...