Ask Dr. Julie Hanks

I recently had the opportunity to meet with writer, comedian, and producer Stacey Harkey. Many of you may know him from his time as an actor on Studio C. We spoke about something he is a shining example of: the unfolding process of how he discovered his purpose. During our time together, we dove into how Stacey discovered his purpose as a gay man. We discuss the importance of taking risks and how...

In this episode, Dr. Julie Hanks coaches Melinda and addresses the question “How can my husband and I get on the same page about parenting our teen?” As their children get older, Melinda and her husband have encountered the new experiences that come with parenting teenagers.  It is easy to become defensive when we have a disagreement. The key to avoiding defensiveness is often in how we speak to e...

In this episode, Dr. Julie Hanks coaches Monica and addresses the question "How can I manage the guilt and fear I feel after my ectopic pregnancy?" Monica shares that she feels she should have mentally recovered from this trauma by now, and that sometimes she even blames herself for what happened. Dr. Hanks helps Monica see that she needs to practice radical self compassion on her journe...

In this episode, Dr. Julie Hanks coaches Rachel and addresses the question "How can I find the courage to have a baby when I am not sure I would be able to handle it?" Rachel expresses feeling she either has to be a good parent or be good at her career, and fears that she won’t be able to do both at the same time. During this episode, Dr. Hanks shares that having a baby will change her l...

In this episode, Dr. Julie Hanks coaches Rachelle and addresses the question "When is it appropriate for my personal agency to take precedence over my family's expectations?" Rachelle shares her family’s expectation that every member of the family attend church until they graduate high school, however, her middle child does not feel comfortable attending church. During this episode,...

In this episode, Dr. Julie Hanks coaches Blakelee and addresses the question "How can I talk with my spouse about my faith transition?" One of the patterns I’ve noticed when couples talk about faith transitions is we often lead with facts instead of feelings which can sometimes lead to our partner feeling defensive or shutting down. During this episode, Dr. Hanks guides Blakelee through...

In this episode, Dr. Julie Hanks coaches McKall and addresses the question “How can I grieve the loss of my baby while celebrating his life?” Grief and loss are hard, especially when saying hello and goodbye to someone at the same time. It is important to find support, seek counseling, gather with family and friends, and celebrate the life of your child.  During this episode, Dr. Hanks guides McKa...

In this episode, Dr. Julie Hanks coaches Sarah and addresses the question “How can I help my husband seek therapy to address his challenges?” We’re born wanting to connect with each other and we learn in early life whether the world is safe or not depending on how we’re treated in those early relationships. If we’ve had some pain that’s unresolved, we can block our desire for connection in order t...

In this episode, Dr. Julie Hanks coaches Lisa Valentine Clark, actor, author, and host of The Lisa Show , and addresses the question “How can I find the balance between honoring a person I’ve lost while moving forward to create new memories?” In this episode, Lisa talks about the grief she has felt with losing her husband to ALS, and the challenge she has faced wanting to honor his memory while le...

In this episode, Dr. Julie Hanks coaches Lindsay and addresses the question “How can I feel confident in my life as a single adult in the LDS church?” Lindsay shares that she joined the church in hopes of creating a family she didn’t have growing up, and as that hasn’t happened yet, she’s blaming herself. During this episode, Dr. Hanks guides Lindsay through her feelings of failure, of sadness and...

In this episode, Dr. Julie Hanks coaches Whitney and addresses the question "How can I find and maintain long lasting friendships?" Friendships change and evolve, and that can be painful. It can be more painful when we have early experiences that tell us the story we are not valuable as a friend. During this episode, Dr. Hanks guides Whitney through how to challenge her thoughts and beli...

In this episode, Dr. Julie Hanks coaches Amanda and addresses the question “How can I allow myself to feel anger when others tell me to forgive?” In the LDS church, we often misunderstand the feelings of anger and believe anger is bad or not Christlike. During this episode, Dr. Hanks guides Amanda through how feeling anger when we’ve been hurt helps us move forward, and how others often ask us to...

In this episode, Dr. Julie Hanks coaches Caitlin and addresses the question “How can I separate experiences with imperfect people in the church from my testimony of the Gospel?” Caitlin shares a personal experience illustrating the tension between external authority and internal authority, and how she came to own her authority. For many, it can be helpful to separate their relationship with the ch...

In this episode, Dr. Julie Hanks coaches Sarah and addresses the question “How can I maintain my own identity and beliefs in a mixed-faith relationship?” Sarah shares she recently dated a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and experienced a few challenges finding a compromise between their varied beliefs. During this episode, Dr. Hanks guides Sarah through ways she can keep...

In this episode, Dr. Julie Hanks coaches Elizabeth and addresses the question “How can I feel confident in my decision to wear garments when I want to?” Elizabeth shares her struggle wearing garments as a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, and her concern about receiving negative comments or judgment from others for that choice. During this episode, Dr. Hanks validates Eliz...

In this episode, Dr. Julie Hanks coaches Allison and addresses the question “How can I help support my boyfriend as he struggles with pornography?” Reducing the shame surrounding pornography is important, and in most communities in the world, this isn’t a problem. It is a problem because we make it a problem. Viewing pornography doesn’t mean anything about you, your values, or your worth as a pers...

In this episode, Dr. Julie Hanks coaches Kristinya and addresses the question “How do I resolve shame from my religious upbringing for being LGBTQ?” Kristinya shares how she has felt a conflict in her life between her identity as a member of the gay community and her identity as a member of the LDS church. During this episode, Dr. Hanks validates Kristinya’s experience as painful, real, and damagi...

In this episode, Dr. Julie Hanks coaches Elle and addresses the question “How can I allow myself to feel vulnerable after childhood abuse?” Elle shares that she’s lost the ability to connect in life and to other people, with a big part of that due to experiencing childhood abuse, and is seeking guidance on how to break out of her shell. During this episode, Dr. Hanks validates Elle’s experience an...

In this episode, Dr. Julie Hanks coaches KayJay and addresses the question “After cutting off my family, how do I stop worrying about their reaction?” Setting boundaries can be hard for anyone, but especially difficult for those who are self-defined “people pleasers.” During this episode, Dr. Hanks guides KayJay and shares that this is going to be an exercise in all the things she fears and how to...

In this episode, Dr. Julie Hanks coaches Shannon and addresses the question “How can I find peace and contentment in things that I can not change?” Living in a remote area of the country without family or social support can feel lonely. You can acknowledge the difficult situations you’re in and that it’s not what you expected, and that’s ok. You can be grateful and grieve. During this episode, Dr....

In this episode, Dr. Julie Hanks coaches Heather and addresses the question “How can I develop a sense of self without falling into perfectionism?” Individuals who grow up continually praised for their accomplishments can sometimes feel like they need to be doing something big and grand in order for an activity to be worth their time. During this episode, Dr. Hanks guides Heather by sharing that o...

In this episode, Dr. Julie Hanks coaches Melissa and addresses the question “How can I support my LGBTQ brother who recently came out, and support my parents who are heartbroken about it?” There’s some grieving that comes along with families shifting and changing. When this happens, the family won’t be the same.  During this episode, Dr. Hanks validates Melissa that right now, people in her family...

In this episode, Dr. Julie Hanks coaches Sara and addresses the question, “How can I find my purpose now that my kids are all in school?” When the kids all enter school, it can cause parents to feel pressured to fill that time with a new job or hobby. Dr. Hanks encourages Sara to enjoy this beautiful time to explore and find things in addition to family that are really meaningful. Make a list of t...

In this episode, Dr. Julie Hanks coaches Sarah Coyne, professor of human development in the School of Family Life at Brigham Young University, and addresses the question, “How can I deal with my child's mental health struggles without becoming burned out myself?”” When our children struggle we often feel that we need to “have it all together” and may question the validity of our feelings of o...

In this episode, Dr. Julie Hanks coaches Sophie and addresses the question, “How can I make more friends as an introvert?” Whether we are introverts or extroverts, we are responsible for getting our social needs met, and we are often the one who has to reach out to others. During this episode, Dr. Hanks guides Sophie through identifying why she may feel uncomfortable finding friends in large socia...