ask a sub

This week we're naming and confronting the pessimism that makes us think all potential sex partners are trash, then discussing what good, real Doms are actually like! They're out there! Upcoming Deep Dive: Real Stories From The Kink World on 5/17 at 5 pacific Mindful Masculinity Deep Dive The Bisexual Ghost | Wife Swapping with Christopher Walken To support the pod and join our thriving ask a sub...

Today we're reclaiming our erotic power and studying a holy trinity of queer feminist writers: Adrienne Rich, Audre Lorde, and Gloria Anzaldúa.   Join our free & public community discussion here . To support the pod and join our thriving ask a sub community of kinky pocket friends, Join Patreon starting at $5/month!   Read The Bisexual Ghost . Get instructions for submitting YOUR STORY to our comm...

A new sub wants to know how to manage jealousy when you're monogamous and your partner isn't. Aka, where is your place in the kink community if not at the so-called "cool kid's table?" Well, it's right here next to me. Get instructions for submitting YOUR STORY to our community-sourced May Deep Dive here . To support the pod and join our thriving ask a sub community of kinky pocket friends, Join P...

Join me and Luna Matatas for a discussion all about cultivating body confidence in a messed up world!  Get the rest of my interview with Luna here .   Find Luna online here . Join Patreon at $11/month to get the complete interview here , as well as access to the archives of interviews with discussions ranging from how to find a sex positive therapist, to how to navigate your local kink scene, to t...

A sub wants to know how to communicate their changing needs in a longterm relationship, and Lina equips them with proactive, active, and reactive tools for sharing feedback and keeping the D/s container safe (but also spicy). To support the pod and join our thriving ask a sub community of kinky pocket friends,  Join Patreon starting at $5/month!   Get my Conscious Kink course here . Learn how to s...

A tour through the literary origins of masochism, as well as some modern mythbusting for the masochistically inclined. Get my full interview with Leigh Cowart, author of Hurts So Good: The Science and Culture of Pain On Purpose, here . Join our Deep Dive interview with Luna Matatas all about Diversity in Kink on 4/11 at 5 pacific / 8 eastern. To support the pod and join our thriving ask a sub comm...

Today we're tackling the question of how to share kink resources with vanilla people you encounter in your dating travels, strategies for protecting your energy as you do so, and how to hold out hope that you're going to convert seemingly vanilla folks into new kinksters. How To Turn Your Vanilla Partner Into Your Dom | My free writing on kink | Book recs | Thich Nhat Hanh in context Join our Deep...

Safe Slut joined me to tell me all about her dating life as an HSV+ queen, shared her thoughts on disclosure, and gave us some insight into her first date rituals. Spoiler alert: an HSV diagnosis isn't going to end your sex life! In fact... it might make it even better. How Herpes Became A Sexual Boogeyman (Slate) Join Patreon at $11/month to get the complete interview here , as well as access to...

A sub wants to know how to bring forward feminine energy and suppress the masculine during aftercare. Lina's response? Gender is fake, privilege is real, and pegging your Dom is a submissive act. How did we get there? Guess you'll have to listen. To support the pod and engage in our thriving ask a sub community of kinky pocket friends, Join Patreon starting at $5/month! http://www.patreon.com/aska...

Cue up some disco and put on your finest assless chaps, we're taking a walking tour through the heart of leather culture in the 1970's - San Francisco's South of Market neighborhood (home of Folsom Street) and the many bars, clubs, and bathhouses that made it famous. Check out my substack piece on the walking tour (which contains a link to download the PDF): https://askasub.substack.com/p/1970s-le...

Today's episode is all about feeling your feelings. One sub asks whether it's possible to introduce kink to her partner in a non-sexual context, while another wants to know how to react in a subby way to conflict with their Dom.   Support the pod at http://www.patreon.com/askasub Free & Public Friday Q&As on Discord:  https://discord.gg/askasub   Mating In Captivity by Esther Perel Submit question...

On this month's Deep Dive interview, Brat Whisperer Lola Jean joins me to talk all about how to find your inner brat and, more importantly, negotiate the conditions that will allow (controlled, joyful) chaos to reign. You are a cute puzzle!   Going patreon at $11/month to get the full hour-long interview here: https://www.patreon.com/posts/brat-motivations-79112905   Or join at $5/month to join us...

Lina ponificates on curating kinky community beyond the algorithm, then stands at the crossroads with a listener who wants to go from book learning to street smarts. And finally, some thoughts on overthinking, and the perfectly nice orgasms it chases away. Submit questions for this podcast as voice memos to podcast@askasub.com Free & Pubic Friday Q&As: https://discord.gg/AvkZ9f6BtY   More on my br...

New weekly episodes of ask a sub coming 2/17. Send your voice memo questions, comments, prompts, anecdotes and success stories to podcast@askasub.com  

Masculinity and Dominance - some say they cannot peacefully coexist. But the men and masc-identifying folks of the ask a sub discord community say different. These are their voices on a deeply important and under-discussed topic. Together let's explore the ways Dominance can transform toxic masculinty into mindful masculinity, and bring men and masculine people deep healing and joy. Join Patreon h...

Every wondered how to find a good therapist? And actually get your needs met by said therapist? What about sleeping arrangements for your 4 person polycule? Non-Monogamous therapist Rachel Wright has your back in this lovely interview. Join Patreon here , or at patreon.com/askasub. Once we hit 2K subscribers the Ask A Sub podcast is coming back full force! Our next Deep Dive with Gaby Herstik all...

It's official! Once we hit 2K subscribers on Patreon the Ask A Sub podcast is coming back full force! In the meantime I want to share a teaser of a series I'm doing for Patreon members called DEEP DIVE.  Deep Dive is a monthy series where I'll bring you deep conversations with luminaries in the kink and alternative sexuality communities, always with the focus of asking them educated, insider quest...

It's official! Once we hit 2K subscribers on Patreon the Ask A Sub podcast is coming back full force! In the meantime I want to share a teaser of a series I'm doing for Patreon members called DEEP DIVE.  Deep Dive is a monthy series where I'll bring you deep conversations with luminaries in the kink and alternative sexuality communities, always with the focus of asking them educated, insider quest...

It's official! Once we receive 2K subscribers on Patreon the Ask A Sub podcast is coming back full force! In the meantime I want to share a teaser of a series I'm doing for Patreon members called DEEP DIVE.  Deep Dive is a monthy series where I'll bring you deep conversations with luminaries in the kink and alternative sexuality communities, always with the focus of asking them educated, insider q...

While I work on bringing you a second season of Ask A Sub, in the meantime I want to share a teaser of a patreon-exclusive series I'm doing called DEEP DIVE. Deep Dive is a monthy series wherein I'll bring you deep conversations with luminaries in the kink community, always with the focus of asking them educated, insider questions about their work. In April I had the honor of kicking off this seri...

In our season finale, we wade into the waters of respect, romance, and all things mushy gushy. First, hear Lina's thoughts on training collars and creating contracts – how to set up expectations, needs, and all the rice-kneeling moments in between, including a little peek into Lina's accidental protocol misinterpretation at the start of her own dynamic! Next, Lina talks about something we don't he...

This week, we cover all the basics of dating and finding kinky people to play with. First, Lina covers the FAQs of dating app profiles – what to do if you're looking for your ideal Dom(me), how to signal to people that you're kinky without screaming "I'M A SUB" (but also totally cool to do this too), and how to connect from there. Next, Lina offers tools and criteria to navigate how to safely tran...

CW for the Episode: Assault–please skip to 16:14 to go straight to question 2.  Lina starts this week's episode by talking about how trauma informs Kink and BDSM, and the healing aspect that can come along with it. But big spoiler alert, there is no magical cure for trauma. And that's okay! In fact, your trauma doesn't need to even be involved with your Kinkiness at all if you so choose. Next up,...

CW for the Episode: CNC–please skip to 13:50 to go straight to question 2. This week, Lina breaks down Consensual Non-Consent – what it is, where the fantasy comes from, and how to safely proceed in play while still feeling seen and taken care of. Her secret? Starting slow. Lina then pivots to BDSM collaring, how it has changed over time, what it means now, and what it signifies to you and your dy...

This week on the table of sub wisdom is something a lot of subs historically have a past with – people pleasing. There is no magic solution, but Lina does her best to unpack it like the classic algebra problems that we definitely don't miss from highschool (but can we all agree that sexy problem-solving would have made the class a whole lot more fun?) Like what if "X" was monogamy and "Y" was kink...