ask a sub

Introducing our new series, Kink Journeys, where each week we'll follow a listener of pod as they go through a pivotal moment in their journey. This week, we meet M as she navigates the wreckage of what is truly one of the worst breakups Lina has ever heard about. But in spite of the male audacity in this episode, we promise you'll be inspired by M's humor, witchy wisdom, and iconic penchant for c...

This month on the Deep Dive series, we're graced with the presence of one of London's preeminent kink queens Miss Gold — Dominatrix, photographer and creator of the iconic One Night parties.. She shares with us how her SW career has influenced her photographic gaze, her specialty in *the kink* most people list as their hardest of hard limits, and her thoughts on mothering be it of humans or hand-r...

A caller is doing trauma therapy and wants a good lens to explain the value of kink in their healing journey. In response, Lina checks in on how we're interpreting the word 'healing' when it comes to kink (ableism — be gone!), gives some reflections on what kinds of messages our bodies give us in scenes, and somehow in the midst of that coined the phrase that is our episode title this week, once a...

In honor of U.K. father's day we're getting into 'Daddy' as an honorific, whether it always implies age play (Sometimes? Yes? No?) and how nobody has to do anything they don't want to do but maybe getting curious is what saves us all from the shame monsters. Get the Summer Deep Dive schedule here Become a  Patreon member to gain access to all the Ask A Sub benefits including our discord server, ar...

A listener wants to know what to do about their well-meaning but vanilla therapist, and in response Lina earns her gold star Therapist's Favorite badge by exploring the ins and outs of the therapeutic relationship, how to resource your therapist and yourself, and takes a weirdly polyamory-informed stance on getting your needs met.   Links:  A Walker In LA | Murder Mystery Yacht Orgy | Summer Deep...

This week we're doing a refresher on flirting so Lina can assist you all into getting into more trouble to keep the questions coming for the pod — vertical integration!! That's how that works, right?? Either way, we're talking about flirting by zodiac sign (helpful even if you're a grumpy Capricorn that doesn't believe in astrology), flirting to bring forward your most authentic self, and flirting...

A caller wants to know whether their miraculous gift of nonstop orgasms is hindering them from long term partnership — really goes to show one person's dream scenario (Lina's) is another person's anxiety (this caller's)! Lina talks about the joys of dating high-volume cummers, lists practical tips for Domming and topping these lucky ducks, and shares how the patriarchy infects all of us when we im...

These week callers want to know how to welcome the springtime, how to enjoy/not enjoy the Met Gala, hack quiet sex, and, of course, see Lina lose it over exclusionary privileged queers being weird about who's allowed to use the label. Pull up a chair to the burn sesh (with love).   Become a  Patreon member to gain access to all the Ask A Sub benefits including our discord server, archive of premiu...

A listener is recovering from a religious culture that expected submission from women by default — how, then, can she trust her desire to be submissive in a consensual D/s dynamic? This week we're talking self trust, healing through kink, and Lina's deep desire to physically harm this caller's ex (for legal reasons this is a joke - ha ha) Become a Patreon member to gain access to all the Ask A Sub...

On this month's Deep Dive, we're joined by S.T. Gibson , bestselling author of A Dowry of Blood , Savage Blooms , and more, who also hosts the Metaphysical Girl podcast/substack . Her approach to fantasy is intellectual, informed by her background in theology and deep thought about queerness and our insatiable hungers. Join us for our thoughts on fairies, vampires, and what to say to local river....

Ahhh vanilla dating…. Well, it mainly sucks. Jk! Maybe not! Either way, it's not something you have to do before you get to be kinky. It's good to know what you want and go after it, and treat each experience as information to be collected along the way. Except for that time Lina went on a vanilla date with a guy who Venmo requested her $2 for a hot dog while she was in the uber home from his apar...

What happens in a long-term 24/7 dynamic when you, as a sub, get so fuckin pissed that you just need a MINUTE to collect yourself before resuming your tasks?!?! Lina gets into the communication tools that can hold us and our dynamic in moments of conflict so when you come back from your grumpy space walk the space ship is still in pretty good shape. Join us for the Deep Dive with author S.T. Gibso...

A caller wants to know how to feel confident as a sub in your local scene after a friendship breakup with a Dom who seems to be the golden boy of said scene. We talk about how to claim space that's rightly yours, not give Doms too much power after a dynamic has ended, and how to remember no one is thinking about anything but themselves! But in a freeing way! Join us for the Deep Dive with author S...

On this month's Deep Dive, we're joined by Anastasiia Fedorova , author of Second Skin: Inside The Worlds of Fetish, Kink, and Deviant Desire . We talked about how capitalism and commodity culture influence fetishism, how to become archivists of our experience, and we took some time to compare and contrast the vibes of the Foot Guys at various kink parties across the globe. To get the full version...

What if you wanted to wear a raincoat but like…. in a weird way?? In anticipation of our upcoming Deep Dive with Anastasiia Fedorova, author of Second Skin: Inside The Worlds of Fetish, Kink, and Deviant Desire , we're revisiting an old episode all about rubber and latex! If you're a fetishist of any kind, or just a little fetish curious, check out this link to join that discussion on Sunday, Marc...

We're all a mess rn. How do we share our messy selves with others messy selves without making too much of a mess?? It's the question of the day and Lina uses her mess to make an attempt at an answer. Become a  Patreon member to gain access to all the Ask A Sub benefits including our discord server, archive of premium audio and written posts, as well as our new podcast within a podcast, OTK with Li...

What is a Nice Guy™ to do when the sub he's playing with refuses to enumerate her wants/needs? Is it pressure-y to insist on a discussion? And, more broadly, how are nice and good men supposed to operate as Doms? Lina chimes in this week on one of her favorite subjects — Men! Not to bash them, but to encourage them along the road to constructive masculinity and their best selves.   Become a  Patre...

On this month's Quick Hits we're talking about how Lina and Mr. Dune take their tea, and how to put yourself out there at kinky parties, when you're a little tender, and most especially when you're grieving. You don't have to be perfect to be loved, but you MOST CERTAINLY may NOT put the milk in before the tea is steeped!! Twin Cities Rent Relief:  https://gofund.me/442fc6781 The Great Milk Debate...

A listener wants to know how to tell if someone is kinky without having to ask. You guessed it, you do still have to ask, but there are subtle ways of sussing out the bedroom habits of your hot, competent coworker without immediately entering lawsuit territory.   Become a  Patreon member to gain access to all the Ask A Sub benefits including our discord server, archive of premium audio and written...

Some thoughts on the implications of the words we use to signal safety, pontifications on whether 'Pleasure Doms' are inadvertent pick-mes, and another battle cry on how you deserve pleasure, respect, and softness even if your kink is hard and scary. We don't all have to be sunny, happy carebears…. Some of us are evil carebears that wear black and get stepped on. Substack post on The Chronology Of...

Pro-sub Alexis O'Kneel joins us to discuss a little-known facet of the Oldest Profession, and how pro-subs can be a resource to all members of the kink community. Even people who have been slighted by waitresses and want to alchemize their experience into horny mutual fun. You know, #JustCanadianThings. To get the full version of this episode Join Patreon at $11/month or substack at $8/month. Subs...

We're inventing idioms on the Ask A Sub podcast once again, and this time we're talking about how to balance a desire for a long-term relationship with sorting out kink compatibility. We also talk about how easy 'easy' is supposed to be, prioritizing your priorities, and how to go to the tide pools and come out with the exact pufferfish you want. It makes sense if you listen, we swear!! Become a ...

What if our baggage from the vanilla world could be taken away as easily as selling something on Facebook Marketplace? Until that time, Lina provides a rubric and several measuring sticks (??) for evaluating methods of sharing your stuff with partners that feels interdependent rather than trauma dump-y.   Become a  Patreon member to gain access to all the Ask A Sub benefits including our discord s...

We're back with another Quick Hits episode! This time we're talking about how to get slammed in a hockey-coded way, how to tell if your kinky commune is a cult, and how to negotiate a relationship where your boundaries are no boundaries! Join us! Become a  Patreon member to gain access to all the Ask A Sub benefits including our discord server, archive of premium audio and written posts, as well a...