A Day at a Time Reflections

Getting over years of suspicion and other self-protective mechanisms can hardly be an overnight process. We've become thoroughly conditioned to feeling and acting misunderstood and unloved-whether we really were or not. Some of us may need time and practice to break out of our shell and the seemingly comfortable familiarity of solitude. Even though we begin to believe and know we're no longer alon...

When newcomers to Gamblers Anonymous experience the first startling feeling that they're truly among friends, they also wonder-with almost a sense of terror-if the feeling is real. Will it last? Those of us who've been in the Program a few years can assure any newcomer at a meeting that it is very real indeed, and that it does last. It's not just another false start, nor just a temporary burst of...

When I first listened to people in Gamblers Anonymous talking freely and honestly about themselves, I was stunned. Their stories of their own gambling escapades, of their own secret fears, and of their own gnawing loneliness were literally mind-blowing for me. I discovered and hardly dared believe it at first-that I'm not alone, I'm not all that different from everybody else and, in fact, we're al...

"The language of friendship is not words, but meanings," wrote Thoreau. Life indeed takes on new meanings, as well as new meaning in the Gamblers Anonymous Program. To watch people recover, to see them help others, to watch loneliness vanish, to see a Fellowship grow up about you, to have a host of friends - this is an experience not to be missed. Can I recall my initial reactions when I came to G...

Compulsive gambling is a lonely dis ease; although it may have seemed that we were part of the lights-and-action crowd, we were often tortured by lone liness. Even before the end of our gam bling days before the debts and the guilt showed us how unmanageable our lives had become-nearly all of us felt that we didn't quite belong. Either we were basically shy, or we were noisy good fellows craving a...

"What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us," wrote Oliver Wendell Holmes. I was never able to look at what was within me until I came to Gamblers Anonymous and heard my story told. Then I no longer had my "uniqueness" to hide behind. What was more, the person seemed a lot happier telling it than I was hearing it. I was jealous of a winner - always...

I considered myself a "loner" in the days when I was gambling. Although I was often with other people - saw them, heard them, touched them - most of my important dialogues were with my inner self. I was certain that nobody else would ever understand. Considering my former opinion of myself, it's likely that I didn't want anybody to understand. I smiled through gritted teeth even as I was dying on...

If we felt guilty, degraded, or ashamed of either our addiction itself or the things we did while "in action," that served to magnify our feelings of being outcasts. On occasion, we secretly feared or actually believed that we deserved every painful feeling; we thought, at times, that we truly were outsiders. The dark tunnel of our lives seemed formidable and unending. We couldn't even voice our f...

Many of us in the Gamblers Anonymous Program share the memory that we originally gambled to "belong," to "be a big shot," or to "be a part of the crowd." Others of us fueled our addictions in order to "get in"-to feel, at least for a short time, that we fitted in with the rest of the human race. Sometimes, our gam bling had the desired effect, temporarily assuaging our feelings of apartness. But w...

Looking back at those last desperate days before I came to Gamblers Anonymous, I remember more than anything the feelings of loneliness and isolation. Even when I was surrounded by people, including my own family, the sense of "aloneness" was overwhelming. Even when I tried to act sociable and wore the mask of cheerfulness, I usually felt a terrible anger at not belonging. Will I ever forget the m...

"A very popular error-having the courage of one's convictions; rather it is a matter of having the courage for an attack upon one's convictions," wrote Nietzsche. The Gamblers Anonymous Program is helping me get rid of my old ideas by sharing with others and working the Twelve Steps. Having made a searching and fearless moral and financial inventory of myself; having admitted to myself and to anot...

When a person wakes up each morning and rises, with nerves screaming and sick at heart, to face frightening reality; when a person stumbles through the day in a pit of despair, wishing to die, but refusing to die; when a person gets up the next day and does it all over again-well, that takes guts. That takes a kind of real, basic survival courage, a courage that can be put to good use if that pers...

My courage must come each day, as does my desire to avoid a single bet, a single addictive act. It must be a continuing courage, without deviations and procrastination, without rashness, and without fear of obstacles. This would seem like a large order indeed, were it not for the fact that it is confined to this one day, and that within this day much power is given to me. Do I extend the Serenity...

Now that I know I can no longer use false courage that is really bravado, I seek and pray for twenty-four-hour courage to change the things I can. Obviously, this isn't the kind of courage that will make me a strong and brave person for life, able to handle any and all situations courageously. Rather, what I need is a persistent and intelligent courage, continuing each day into the next one-but do...

As the doubter tries the process of prayer, he would do well to add up the results. If he persists, he'll almost surely find more serenity, more tolerance, less fear, and less anger. He'll acquire a quiet courage - the kind that isn't tension-ridden. He'll be able to look at "failure" and "success" for what they really are. Problems and calamity will begin to mean his instruction, instead of his d...

"Perfect courage," wrote La Rochefoucauld, "means doing unwitnessed what we would be capable of with the world looking on." As we grow in the Gamblers Anonymous Program, we recognize persistent fear for what it is, and we become able to handle it. We begin to see each adversity as a God given opportunity to develop the kind of courage that is born of humility, rather than of bravado. Do I realize...

I've learned in the Gamblers Anonymous Program that I need not apologize to anyone for depending upon God as I understand Him. In fact, I now have good reason to disbelieve those who think spirituality is the way of weakness. For me, it is the way of strength. The verdict of the ages is that men and women of faith seldom lack courage. They trust their God. So I never apologize for my belief in Him...

If I believe that it's hopeless to expect any improvement in my life, I'm doubting the power of God. If I believe I have reason for despair, I'm confessing personal failure, for I do have the power to change myself; nothing can prevent it but my own unwillingness. I can learn in the Gamblers Anonymous Program to avail myself of the immense, inexhaustible power of God - if I'm willing to be continu...

So many of us suffer from despair. Yet we don't realize that despair is purely the absence of faith. As long as we're willing to turn to God for help in our difficulties, we cannot despair. When we're troubled and can't see a way out, it's only because we imagine that all solutions depend on us. The Gamblers Anonymous Program teaches us to let go of overwhelming problems and let God handle them fo...

I knew I had to have a new beginning, and the beginning had to be here. I couldn't start anywhere else. I had to let go of the past and forget the future. As long as I held on to the past with one hand and grabbed at the future with the other hand, I had nothing with which to grasp today. So I had to begin here, now.  Do I practice the Eleventh Step, praying only for knowledge of God's will for me...

Many people pray as though to overcome the will of a reluctant God, instead of taking hold of the willingness of a loving God. In the late stages of our gambling compulsion, the will to resist has fled. Yet when we admit complete defeat, and when we become entirely ready to try the principles of the Gamblers Anonymous Program, our obsession leaves us and we enter a new dimension-freedom under God...

"To stand on one leg and prove God's existence is a very different thing," wrote Soren Kierkegaard, "from going down on one's knees and thanking Him." It is my confidence in a Higher Power, working in me, that today releases and activates my ability to make my life a more joyous, satisfying experience. I can't bring this about by relying on myself and my own limited ideas.  Have I begun to thank G...

STEP 5 Admitted to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs. It is suggested that this step be done shortly after completing Step Four, while the facts revealed in Step Four are still fresh in one's mind. In Step Four one can dig inside oneself, as most compulsive gamblers accumulated loads of guilt. In Step Five one can dispose of this guilt and cope with every day prob...

When I was gambling, I was certain that my intelligence, backed by will power, could properly control my life and guarantee me success in the world around me. This brave and grandiose philosophy, by which I played God, sounded good in the say Ing. but it still had to meet the acid test: how well did it actually work? One good look in the mirror was answer enough. Have I begun to ask God each day f...

For those of us who have lost our faith, or who have always had to struggle along without it, it's often helpful just to accept-blindly and with no reservations. It's not necessary for us to believe at first; we need not be convinced. If we can only accept, we find ourselves becoming gradually aware of a force for good that's always there to help us. Have I taken the way of faith? Today I Pray … M...