Why She Stayed

In this episode, I sit down with author and licensed therapist Chelsey Brooke Cole to discuss her experiences navigating abusive relationships, even while working as a therapist herself. We explore how her abuser used the appearance of openness and honesty, along with claims of sex addiction, to explain away his behavior. This made it even harder to recognize what was really happening: coercive co...

In this episode that originally aired on February 10th, Kelly shares her experience of being in a relationship where reality was constantly twisted. Her abuser was skilled at blame-shifting, making her feel like she was the problem for asking reasonable questions, having needs, or expecting basic respect. What made it even more confusing was how differently he showed up to the rest of the world. F...

How do we read between the lines when our abuser has gotten really good at coloring within the lines? Deploying control often looks like mastering their craft and becoming “less messy.” As abusers become more skilled at controlling their partners, their methods may become harder to recognize, explain, and prove to others. We also talk about how they use "non-expensive" methods of control...

In this episode, Hannah shares her story of what happens when coercive control slowly changes who you are. One of the things that ultimately helped Hannah leave was seeing the cycle of abuse unfold in such a short, compressed period of time . When the highs, lows, conflict, consequences, and reconciliation began happening so close together, she was able to see the pattern more clearly—and recogniz...

In this episode, I’m sharing my honest thoughts on whether the word “narcissist” may actually be setting us back when it comes to understanding abuse and coercive control. We talk about why focusing so heavily on whether an abusive person is a “narcissist” can sometimes distract from what matters most: the behavior, the patterns, the power dynamics, and the impact of the abuse. I share my perspect...

In this episode, Helen shares her story of the subtle ways coercive control made her believe that she was the problem. She shares how he repeatedly blamed her for leaving “right when he was about to get things right,” pressured her sexually by suggesting other women would pursue him if she wasn't "his covering, and even involved their children by asking, “Do you want Dad to have to get a...

How do you know when an abuser’s “change” is actually just another form of control? In this episode, I break down the clear signs that an abusive person is not truly changing , including real text messaging examples and behaviors you may see after leaving. I also talk about how you can respond in a way that gives you greater clarity and helps you recognize a stream of clues that the change is perf...

If you never read another book, listen to another podcast, or consume another piece of content about abuse, there is one thing I want you to understand: If you continue looking at your relationship through an incident-based lens , you will always end up asking the wrong questions. You’ll focus on individual moments — What did he say? What did I say? What happened right before the argument? Could I...

In this episode, I sit down with Wednesday to talk about how the nervous system can become attached to predictability—even when that predictability is harmful—and how an abuser can become both the poison and the antidote, the distress and the comfort. Wednesday shares how her ex used martial arts, clumsiness, and “accidents” to explain away physical trespasses—creating just enough "truth" to make...

Ali shares the brutal reality of trying to leave an abusive relationship and how, after leaving and returning over and over again, she began to lose trust in her own ability to stay gone . In this episode, we talk about: Why repeated leaving and returning can create a deep distrust in yourself. How isolation can make you feel that talking to your family “too much” is strange or abnormal. How she b...

Everyone asks what happened the day Aubree’s husband shot her twice, murdered their nearly six-month-old son, Kymani, and then took his own life. But the deeper question is: What happened long before that day? While many people assume lethal domestic violence begins with physical abuse, Aubree’s story demonstrates something experts on coercive control have long understood: the pathway to extreme v...

Everyone asks what happened the day Aubree’s husband shot her twice, murdered their nearly six-month-old son, Kymani, and then took his own life. But the deeper question is: What happened long before that day? In this episode of Why She Stayed, Aubree shares the story of the timespan leading up to the unimaginable tragedy that left her paralyzed and forever changed her life. While many people assu...

I sit down with Lindsay Stoker creator of The Control Code to unpack the most misunderstood aspects of coercive control and psychological abuse . One of the most powerful shifts in understanding abuse is learning to stop asking, “Was this incident abusive?” and instead asking, “What was this behavior designed to accomplish?” We discuss why the function of abusive behavior matters far more than the...

If I could sit across from the woman I was back then, these are the 20 things I would tell her. In this episode of Why She Stayed , I reflect on my own experience of coercive control and share the lessons I wish someone had taught me while I was still living inside the confusion. In this episode, we unpack topics like: Why I found myself doing things that looked “sketchy” from the outside- like de...

What if you’re wrong about everything? It’s one of the most haunting questions survivors of coercive control ask themselves after years of psychological manipulation. In this episode of Why She Stayed , I sit down with Anne Wintemute, founder of AimeeSays , to unpack how blame-shifting rewires your thinking… and how abusers create the illusion of freedom, making you believe you can leave at any ti...

Brand new episode! This is a never-before-heard conversation. I’m joined by author Cora Leyderman , author of Meet Me at the Well , as she shares the story of her previous marriage to a pathological liar. While many people picture abuse as physical violence or obvious intimidation, Cora’s experience looked very different. Her husband’s primary tactics were relentless deception, psychological manip...

This episode originally aired on May 13, 2025. Brand new episode will be released on Tuesday, March 24th. Lundy Bancroft is the author of the book " Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men" as well as many other books and has worked extensively in batterer intervention programs. He has over 30 years of experience working with abusive men and their families and is a leadi...

Lindsey shares the story of how her relationship slowly turned into something she didn’t recognize as abuse. What began as the gradual normalization of cheating became a pattern of psychological grooming. Over time, he reframed betrayal as “normal,” rewrote reality, and convinced her she was the one causing harm. He even faked medical emergencies- claiming she was causing him physical suffering fr...

In this episode, Kelly shares her experience of being in a relationship where reality was constantly twisted. Her abuser was skilled at blame-shifting, making her feel like she was the problem for asking reasonable questions, having needs, or expecting basic respect. What made it even more confusing was how differently he showed up to the rest of the world. Friends, family, and acquaintances saw s...

In this episode, Kelly shares her story of entering a relationship with a mild-mannered Arab Muslim doctor at a vulnerable point in her life, a time when she felt ungrounded and stuck in patterns of promiscuity. He positioned himself as a stabilizing force, framing the relationship as a way to “save” her from that path and introduce her to a more meaningful life. As the relationship deepened, elem...

In this episode, Daniella shares her experience of being in a relationship marked by extreme intensity followed by sudden discard and abandonment. She opens up about how emotional abuse eroded her sense of self, fueled comparison and insecurity, and left her feeling like a shell of who she once was. Daniella also unpacks how her abuser used people outside the relationship to validate his false nar...

In this powerful episode, I sit down with Kia Lee , author and survivor, as she shares her journey through domestic abuse and cancer—and what it means to keep creating hope while still living in the unknown. Kia opens up about the loneliness of clarity : that isolating moment when you see the truth of your situation before anyone else does. We talk about how life doesn’t pause for your pain- how t...

In this deeply honest episode, I sit down with abuse survivor and author Stephanie Strickland , whose new book Finding Peace Within shares her journey of survival, self-discovery, and healing. Stephanie opens up about how her abuser convinced her that she was the cause of the abuse—leading her to believe that if she could just be more perfect, more careful, or do everything “right,” the conflict w...

In this survivor story, Tiffany opens up about the hidden layers of abuse she endured in her marriage- abuse she didn’t initially recognize. Growing up with a father who was a “standard yeller,” Tiffany assumed that abuse had to look loud and obvious. But her husband’s tactics were quieter, calculated, and far more confusing. Through gaslighting, and emotionally charged setups that left her yellin...

In this solo episode, we dive into one of the most overlooked reasons people remain stuck in abusive cycles: the inability to name what they’re experiencing. I explore how the lack of clear language- not just individually, but across society- keeps people confused, doubting themselves, and trapped far longer than they should be. We unpack the cultural habit of mislabeling harmful behavior, and how...