Untethering Shame

In this episode, I respond to a question from an anonymous listener who writes: “Why do I lose interest as soon as someone actually likes me or treats me well? I say I want a healthy relationship, but every time I find someone good for me, I get bored or start pulling away.” We explore the intersection of shame, safety, and desire — and how the nervous system often mistakes calm for disconnection....

In this conversation with leadership communications coach  Salvatore Manzi , we explore why so many of us struggle to use our voice — whether in meetings, relationships, friendships, or moments that matter. Together, we look at how shame, early conditioning, nervous system responses, and social dynamics shape our ability to speak up. Salvatore breaks down the myths around “quiet leaders,” shares h...

In this episode, I respond to a question from an anonymous listener who writes: “I’m trying to be better about setting boundaries in relationships, but sometimes I feel like I’m just being controlling. How do I know the difference?” We explore the intersection of shame, fear, and self-trust — and how the tension between control and boundaries often reveals our deepest fears about being too much or...

In this episode, I respond to a question from an anonymous listener who writes: “I’m always trying to do more on social media — post more, show up more, engage more — because I feel like if I don’t, I’ll lose relevance or connection. But it’s exhausting. And every time I try to take a break, I feel anxious and invisible. How can I build a healthier relationship with social media that doesn’t make...

Money is one of the most common sources of conflict in relationships — and also one of the least understood. What starts as a disagreement about spending, saving, or financial priorities often turns into defensiveness, distance, and unresolved resentment. In this episode of  Untethering Shame , I’m joined by  Jordan Pendleton , a former financial advisor turned  Money Conversation Coach for couple...

In this episode, I respond to a question from an anonymous listener who writes: “Kyira, I’m struggling with Christmas this year. Money is tight, and I know I won’t be able to give my kids the big gifts that their friends at school will likely get. I want them to feel the magic of Santa without feeling ‘less than’ when they hear what other kids got. How do I keep Christmas joyful and special withou...

In this conversation, Kyira Wackett and Ingrid Hu Dahl explore themes of identity, resilience, and the complexities of family dynamics. They discuss the importance of community, the journey of self-discovery, and the power of empathy in relationships. Ingrid shares her experiences of growing up mixed-race, navigating societal expectations, and the impact of her mother's influence on her life. The...

In this episode, I respond to a question from an anonymous listener who writes: “I’ve tried setting boundaries with my mom, but it feels like no matter how clear I am, she always finds a way to push them. Whether it’s showing up unannounced, commenting on my parenting, or guilt-tripping me for saying no, I end up feeling frustrated and ashamed for even trying. How do I handle it when someone I lov...

In this deeply honest and emotionally rich conversation, Kyira and returning guest  Cassandra Johnson  explore the intergenerational patterns that shape how we love, communicate, perform, protect ourselves, and experience shame. Together, they unpack how childhood conditioning — from emotional dismissal to unpredictability to inappropriate responsibility — wires us for compliance, self-blame, perf...

In this episode, I respond to a question from an anonymous listener who writes: “Lately I wake up with this constant feeling of anxiety about the world — politics, climate, conflict, everything. I want to stay informed, but it’s getting harder to not spiral or feel hopeless. How can I stay engaged without being consumed by everything that’s happening?” Together, we unpack what it means to stay gro...

In this episode, I respond to a question from an anonymous listener who writes: “I feel like I show up in my relationship — I share, I ask, I try to connect — but my partner often doesn’t really see me or respond the way I hope. Over time, I’m left wondering if it’s me. Should I just accept that this is how they are, or how do I stop feeling invisible and start grounding myself in my own worth?” W...

In this episode of  Untethering Shame , Kyira sits down with psychologist  Amanda Quinby, PhD , to explore one of the most shame-charged arenas of modern life:  online dating . From crafting the “perfect” profile to surviving ghosting, Amanda breaks down how dating apps become a minefield of comparison, self-doubt, and performance — and how to move toward  fit  and authenticity instead of chasing...

In this week’s AMA, Kyira answers a listener question about nighttime rumination — that racing mind that won’t quiet down no matter how tired you are. Kyira unpacks why anxious thoughts spike at night, how shame and avoidance make it worse, and what it actually takes to create safety in your nervous system so rest feels possible. This episode explores practical tools for containment, self-compassi...

In this episode, Kyira welcomes back  Bronwyn Schweigerdt , licensed marriage and family therapist and self-described “anger expert,” for part two of their powerful discussion on emotional repression and radical self-integration. Together, they unpack what happens when we silence our emotions — and what it takes to finally listen to them. Bronwyn guides Kyira through an  integration exercise  that...

In this week’s AMA, Kyira responds to a listener navigating the guilt and shame of loving a parent from afar after a serious health diagnosis. Despite knowing his dad doesn’t expect him to drop everything, he feels like a “bad son” for not being there in person. Kyira explores the tension between love, distance, and limits — and how shame often confuses grief with failure. This episode offers gent...

Kyira reconnects with Sabrina Trobak, registered counselor, clinical supervisor, and author of  Not Good Enough , to explore what happens when healing isn’t linear. Together, they unpack the moments that feel like setbacks—when shame whispers, “I should know better”—and reframe them as invitations to deepen awareness and meet ourselves with compassion. They discuss core beliefs like “not good enou...

In this week’s AMA, Kyira answers a listener who’s realized their planning often comes at the cost of being present. Many of us over-plan not because we love control, but because control feels safe — it helps us avoid the shame of things going wrong. Kyira breaks down how to shift from planning as protection to planning as preparation, using simple mindset and body-based tools to help you stop ove...

In this heartfelt and eye-opening conversation, Kyira sits down with  Michelle Waymire , a queer, anti-capitalist financial advisor and founder of  Young + Scrappy , to explore the deep intersection of  shame and money . Together, they unpack the beliefs and stories we carry about money—stories often formed in childhood—that shape our self-worth, safety, and sense of control. Michelle shares her o...

In this week’s AMA, Kyira answers a question from a listener who works in a job where they’re constantly being yelled at — not because they’ve done something wrong, but because they’re the one standing in front of people when things go wrong. Even when you  know  it isn’t personal, it can still feel personal. So how do you hold onto your empathy without letting shame or resentment take over? Kyira...

A year after her first appearance, artist  The Tracy Piper  returns to  Untethering Shame  to talk about her evolution from loud advocate to deeply self-aware creator — and how  being dangerous  became her new form of love and resistance. In this powerful conversation, Tracy and Kyira explore how vulnerability, rest, and authenticity threaten systems that profit from our numbness. They unpack the...

In this episode, I respond to a question from an anonymous listener who writes: “Kyira, I feel like I’m always running at 100%, sometimes even 110%, just to keep everything together. I tell myself I’m fine, but then one small thing tips me over and I completely crash. Why does this keep happening, and how do I break the cycle without feeling like I’m failing?” If you’ve ever lived on the edge of b...

In this episode of  Untethering Shame , I sit down with  Mikkel Leslie  — coach, author, and advocate for living a life that truly feels like yours — to explore  the intersection of shame, anxiety, and the “ideal self.” “We’ve spent our whole lives being told who we should be. At some point, we stop asking what actually feels right for us.” Mikkel shares her story of leaving behind a successful bu...

In this episode, I respond to a question from an anonymous listener who writes: “My parents act like they have a right to unlimited access to my kids, even though they barely respect me as their parent. How do I deal with their guilt trips without cutting them off completely?” This is one of the toughest dynamics adult children face: navigating the expectations parents bring into the grandparent r...

In this episode of  Untethering Shame , Kyira sits down with photographer, painter, and grief educator  Shannon McFarland  to explore the intersection of shame and creativity. Many of us grow up believing creativity is something we either  have  or  don’t —a gift reserved for the “artistic.” Shannon challenges that belief, inviting us to see creativity as a practice of presence, process, and self-...

In this episode, I respond to a question from an anonymous listener who writes: “Why do I feel like the villain every time I set a boundary with my mom? I’ll say no to something simple, and suddenly I’m the worst child in the world. How do I not get crushed by the guilt?” If you’ve ever tried to set a boundary with a parent — only to be met with anger, guilt trips, or silence — you know how brutal...