Two Open Doors

Over the course of 175 weekly episodes spanning three and a half years, Two Open Doors has been exploring the many different facets of deep human connection.  Those episodes have focused on the nature of intimate relationship, how sexuality really works to support human connection, the many ways in which society interacts with individuals to shape relationships, and many other important topics. Wh...

In our last two episodes, we’ve been exploring the outlooks that several major religions and worldviews hold regarding the human body, sexuality, relationships, and what is taken as constituting “proper” living.  In the course of that review, we’ve discerned both similarities and significant differences between those belief systems. In this episode, we’ll return to our original goal of trying to u...

In our previous episode titled “Worldview, Body, and Sex”, we took a look at how a number of the most prevalent religions and worldviews perceive the human body and human sexuality.  We also reviewed how each of these belief systems embraces differing levels of acceptance, or restriction, of the expression of believers’ sexuality. In this episode, we’ll again consider the same set of belief system...

In our episode titled “Intimacy Positivity”, we considered the well-established concept of sex positivity , in which an individual holds a generally positive and receptive perspective on sex.  I also introduced my notion of intimacy positivity , which describes an attitude of openness and welcoming of intimate emotional connection. In the next several episodes, we’ll step back to look at how world...

In many episodes, Two Open Doors has referred to “ sex positivity ”, which in essence is a personal orientation in which a person is inclined to see sex in a generally positive light.  Having such an attitude can free a person from much of the inappropriate sex-based shame, fear and repression that is all too common in our rather Puritanical society. In this episode, I’d like to propose a variatio...

In thinking recently about what sets apart truly noteworthy intimate relationships from functional but less unusual ones, I was reminded of the widely-held observation that “It’s the little things that count”.  I believe that applies in the realm of deeply-connected relationships, as in many other aspects of life. In this episode, we’ll examine the idea that relationships are marked by an accompan...

For those who understand and practice sex-positivity, one of the familiar themes within that community is what is usually referred to as “ consent culture ”.  That term describes a community that is founded on mutual consent to enter into relationship as one of the fundamental traits of sex-positivity. While consent is indeed an essential element of sex-positivity, I’d like to propose that there i...

The Two Open Doors perspective on relationships is focused on prompting the understanding of, and support for, deep human connection.  Our motivating belief is that centering rich and abundant intimate connections in one’s life is essential to enjoying an emotionally satisfying life. In this episode, we’ll gain insight into deep connection, by examining its opposite: detachment .  We’ll consider h...

As we’ve noted in many prior episodes, human sexuality involves much more than just physiology.  Sex is a multi-dimensional experience that involves the body, mind, emotions and spirit (or a sense of transcendence). In this episode, we’ll consider how fantasy plays into sexual experiences.  We’ll take a look at some of the many forms that sexual fantasy can take, and we’ll consider the roles that...

Those of us who lived through or are otherwise acquainted with the 1960s are well-acquainted with the term “ free love ”.  That might immediately conjure up images of hippies frolicking at Woodstock.  The reality, though, is that there’s more to this term than meets the eye.   In this episode, we’ll examine what free love is about, including its goals and its long history, which includes many inca...

Anyone who has been involved in an intimate relationship has almost certainly experienced the “ green-eyed monster ”: jealousy .  That emotion can be almost overpowering, driving a person to do things and make choices that they would never entertain in their more lucid and stable moments.   In this episode, we’ll consider the nature and origins of jealousy, and we’ll explore how it can affect both...

As we’ve noted previously, such as in Episode 4-24 titled “Becoming Love-able”, generosity is an important quality that reflects a lover’s caring for their beloved.  Acts of generosity allow a person to not only demonstrate how they feel about their intimate partners, but also to provide tangible support for those partners.   In this episode, we’ll consider that giving needs to be done thoughtfull...

Orgasm is an important event that can occur in the course of the human sexual response cycle, as we’ve noted in prior Two Open Doors episodes.  While orgasm takes somewhat different forms in men and in women, in both sexes it’s the source of much potential relationship satisfaction, as well as pleasure. In this episode, we’ll consider the role that awareness plays in promoting orgasm.   Our conclu...

In our prior episode, we took a look at the many ways in which our patriarchal society disadvantages women and robs them of their right to live a life co-equal to men.  We then went on to identify a number of ways in which the men who care for those women can take action to improve this situation.    In this episode, we’ll consider the other side of the coin: how men also suffer under the patriarc...

In numerous prior episodes, we’ve looked at various consequences of the reality that ours is a patriarchal culture.  For example, we’ve noted that women are frequently objectified or treated as less-than by many men, who are accustomed to filling most of the positions of power in our society. In this episode, we’ll consider how men who believe in a more equitable partitioning of power can serve as...

 | In thinking about what sorts of statements or attitudes have the potential for being most damaging to intimate relationships, I settle on two words:  “I want”.    In this episode, I’ll explain the basis for my belief. Dr. Claude Cruz is a relationship and intimacy coach based in the Portland, OR area. He holds a PhD in Human Sexuality from the Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality (IA...

I recently refreshed and enhanced the content of my 2016 book titled “ Loving Softly ”.  That book focuses on how someone who wishes to live a life of deep connection with significant others might relate to those others as a lover.  I refer to such a lifestyle preference as Living Softly . Expressing one’s love is a facet of living in relationship, which is the purview of my Two Open Doors perspec...

In our patriarchal society, women are often thought of as less-than in comparison with men.  Power and its attendant benefits flow preferentially to men, as is demonstrated by persistent pay inequality.  It might seem as if women are trapped in the role of second-class citizens. Despite these appearances, I would like to suggest that women are in fact the holders of great power.  In this episode,...

Trauma, which is a negative event that can adversely affect one’s physical, mental, emotional or spiritual well-being, is a commonplace occurrence in life.  There are probably few people who have not experienced significant traumatic events in their lives. In this episode, we’ll take a look as some of the common sources of trauma, and we’ll then see what kinds of damage those can cause.  We will t...

Intimacy, both physical and emotional, is a major theme in many peoples’ lives.  We all want love, and on some level we all realize that conspicuous consumption is no satisfactory substitute for warm and intimate human connection.    This episode entertains the reality that despite the recognized importance placed on love, our society provides few useful and reliable resources to help people find...

Many people grow up in an environment that includes some sort of religious experience.  In many cases, that experience can be a source of significant meaning in a person’s life.  Religious life can provide community, with its sharing of unifying beliefs and values, and its support for effective social action.  In other cases, though, participation in a religion can traumatize its members. In this...

There’s a word that’s fairly well-known and understood in the sex-positive and polyamory communities, but which is relatively unknown in society at large: demisexual .  In this episode, we’ll explore what it means to be demisexual, and in the course of doing so, we’ll gain a broader understanding of how sexual attraction works. Dr. Claude Cruz is a relationship and intimacy coach based in the Port...

The American physiologist Jared Diamond (author of the well-known book Guns, Germs and Steel) has written an intriguing book on the evolution of human sexuality, titled “Why Is Sex Fun?”  That work examines the role of evolutionary biology in shaping human sexuality. In this episode, I’d like to pursue a related but perhaps somewhat broader topic: an examination of why intimacy is satisfying.  Tha...

Valuing and seeking intimacy in one’s life is not a trivial or superficial thing.  Rather, it is a life-orientation that encompasses personal preparation, active pursuit and nurturing of deep emotional connections, and a willingness to evolve along with one’s relationships. In this episode, we’ll review the “life-cycle that all relationships undergo, and then we’ll examine what it takes to create...

Sexual trauma is a grim reality for far too many people in our society.  Sexual abuse or trauma can occur at any point in life, and it can affect both females and males.  Its effects are both long-lasting and extensive. In this episode, we’ll consider how such trauma can occur, as well as how it can affect one’s life.  We’ll focus on some of those effects which manifest in the sex-positive communi...