Total Relaxation

Lying: is it bad or is it an artful form of storytelling in the post-truth age? We welcome comedian and former math club member Maya Kanitkar to the podcast to talk about their intricate web of harmless lies. Also in this ep: living in the Gen Z panopticon, California cinnamon rolls, being European, Emotional Kiss, pretending to quit smoking, burning off your hair with a joint, the mask of perform...

Grab onto the grass and get grounded because this week we're launching into Nancy's fear of getting sucked up into the sky (and falling back down). Also: bonked by a plane. Gripped by a psychic. Ghosted by an astrologer. Nancy's brother weighs in. Gravity: can it be trusted? Iron shoes. Carbon memory. Also big apologies to Michelle Branch and Vanessa Carlton, you are not one and the sa...

This week we're joined by the incomparable comedian, musician, Libra, MTL girl: Eve Parker Finley! We dive into her fear that everyone secretly hates her. Spoiler: impossible. Also discussed: Small Girl is a state of mind. Losing valedictorian in a rigged election. Eighth grade prop comedy. A safe space for comedians who don't need to prove themselves. The unstoppable urge to facilitate a...

Letting a salesperson put blue mascara on you that god knows how many teens have touched? High risk, looow reward. This week on the pod the delightful Alex P drops by to talk about her very well earned fear of going into Sephora and accidentally coming out with a full face of pink makeup! Also in this episode: slamming down on the toilet first thing in the morning. What kind of ghost would you be?...

Author and illustrator Arizona O’Neill drops by to tell us not to invite her to any more haunted houses, spooky settings or zombie zoos! We talk about her forthcoming graphic novel, Opioids and Organs (Drawn & Quarterly), out May 19th, and dive into her fear of Halloween attraction actors, or as they're known in the business: "scare actors". Also in this ep: Stop casting Jacob El...

This week on the pod: our friend Mara is afraid of living longer than she should and don't you dare get mad at her for that. We know you want to but please just let her explain! Just FYI this week includes lengthy but lighthearted chats about de*th. Skip it if you need to, we'll still love you. Other topics include: slop for bots. Decomposing in a mushroom suit. The gall of inviting yourse...

Don don’t doff your headphones because we’re interrogating our first ever trapped nurse, Garrett! We get behind the wheel of Garrett’s fast and furious fear of CARS. Also in this ep: Tron brain. How realistic is The Pitt? If there’s a hole you can catheter it. Fecalizing. EMDR. Dodge Caravan. Gremlin. Emelia always smashes her way out of a Tesla. Nancy hates sepsis. The eyes don’t have feeling, an...

Welcome to the Crone Gang! This week on the pod, Emelia's newfound and overwhelming fear of menopause. What is it? When does it start? How long does it last? Nobody knows, nobody cares. Topics include: getting ASMR from Glee. Building up the bones before it's too late. The sisters of the daughters of the mothers of the silent generation? Menopause Media. A one person show. Going to Spain w...

Buckle up cuties, we're a Sports Podcast now! This week on the pod we're joined by the multi-talented and reluctant yet passionate sporting enthusiast Willow Cioppa to discuss their fear of getting way too into sports. It's not good for the brand! Topics include: the terror of a high diving board and our concern for the people who leap. Is Formula One comparable to driving to work in a...

What do Susan Sontag, medical doctors and professional clowns have in common? They are all DEAD SERIOUS. Get "in nose" with us and dive into Nancy's deep-seated insecurity about not being A Serious Person. Wool! Unheated New York apartments! A single can of soup in the cupboard! A typewriter on the antique desk! Plus, updates on Nancy's microdent and Emelia's winter pant sear...

Hola Intellectuals! We are joined by titan of the video game industry Emma Overton to debate whether or not we’re all getting dumber in the year 2026. Also: Hades II, Oprah culture, scalp cleaning, no more new stuff, “what’s seizing you”, the Egypt stage of girlhood, forgetting which is the brake and which is the gas, math triggers a fight/fight/freeze response, bean in a wet paper towel, the drea...

An eggnog-drunk Bing Crosby and Frank Sinatra wish you and yours a very happy holiday season as we prepare to shed our Snake skin and triumphantly gallop into the year of the Horse 2026 🐎💨 in this ep: We field listener calls and messages about your greatest holiday fears and anxieties. Also: structural integrity at the family gathering, divorce math, the devastation of a pharmaprix gift card fro...

BOVINAPHOBIA: ever heard of it? We have esteemed choreographer, theatre world dynamo and cow-fearing legend Holly Greco join us in the studio to tell us about her anxiety around and reverence for, you guessed it, cows!! We discuss: aliens, how big a cow head is, why milk is sexual, cows doing puzzles, the MYTH of the seven stomachs, cows being cultural/religious symbols, the power of the belly but...

Hello Perverts!  Season two launches NOW. Nancy and Emelia confront the olfactory bulbs and try to get to the bottom of Emelia’s fear of synthetic fragrances. In this episode: PFAS, beaver glands, the freedom of a Febreze plugin and multiple holiday scented Yankee candles, CK Poo, being itchy, when a deodorant has a Step 1, Nancy needs to give up Tide, Emelia reveals unsettling secrets about worki...

After one whole year and twenty five episodes, we've made it to the end of the first season of Total Relaxation 🥹 We'll be back in October for a brand new season with more amazing guests and even more fears, so don't you dare forget about us. In today's finale episode we wrap up and check in about all of the progress we may or may not have made during season one. City summer is fo...

Ciao, Labia! This week we're wading with extreme caution into Nancy's deep rooted fear of being offensive, and we are... afraid. Sorry!! For Nancy, The Artists Way is a gateway to sleeping on a bed of thorns. Emelia craves solitude and a salt plate. Keeping a little pocket of shame just in case. An Offended White Woman. Never let them see your squirrel. Total Relaxation is a Hellgirl podca...

Out of sight, out of mind, in love. This week we're joined by the absolutely delightful Chantale Demole to discuss her fears around finding love! 2/3 of us are medicated and one would be if only she could get an appointment with her doctor. Men have knives (allegedly), the biggest TV you've ever seen, and no furniture. A soothing rock on rock voice. It's hard to have S in your thirties...

Abandon hope all ye who enter the Westmount Y in search of a dump truck ass and enough upper body strength to pull yourself out of a sinkhole. This week we're getting into The Gym (not literally) and all of the horrors that lurk within. Emelia is in the corner of the dumbbell area on high alert. Nancy had a run in with a woman in espadrilles. Numbers are the enemy. Is ringworm a worm? Don'...

You've heard of megalophobia (fear of large objects) but have you heard of being scared of mass quantities of objects?? (DSM-V entry prending). Nancy discuss her fear of overproduction. Suzuki says we're cooked. Community is everything. Shein makes too many pant styles. Idea for landfill garbage: cube it and launch into the sun (Emelia). Nancy thinks all billionaires have a piece of silico...

Paging AGATHA CHRISTIE!!! Our honoured guest Adam Capriolo tells us all about his struggles to remain enigmatic, secretive and ultimately? in control. Are you a golden lion tamarin or a hammerhead shark? When's the last time you had a crush? Always remain 10% jealous (therapist's advice). You've seen Basic Instinct but have you seen Interpersonal Dealings? What about Bad Impact? Glass...

Hello Pervert...DON'T open an email with that subject line unless you want to get scammed! Kelly Kay Hurcomb drops by to tell us about her fear of the Dark Web and its many nefarious tendrils. Remember to keep all your passwords on a tiny scroll in a locket around your neck that only has one key. The airport has men in the walls. Sephora trough. The decline of humanity (because of the internet...

Take a deep breath and relax the spoon in your brain because we're finally getting into our huge fear of the tiny confetti (?) floating around in all of us. Yeah we're taking about microplastics, and no we are not okay. Emelia read an article and now she's spiralling. Nancy considers a fun moustache and plastic-infused cherry tomatoes. Give me a glass IV. Off-gassing. If I get a duvet cover and fi...

This one goes out to all the former fear-stricken children on picture day!! Improvisor, actor, comedian and certified anxious person Nicky Fournier joins us in the closet for a delicious conversation about STAGE FRIGHT. Total Relaxation is a Hellgirl podcast. Cover art: Ariana Sauder Theme music: Voyeurism ✴︎ Instagram ✴︎ @totalrelaxationpod @hellgirlproductions © 2024 Nancy Webb and Emelia Hellma...

MAGNETS: can they be trusted? We expose our shocking lack of scientific knowledge as we claw for answers to questions such as: can a magnet scramble your brain? should you eat magnets? what is a magnet? can you dig a magnet out of the earth? is gravity a magnet? can you be magsafe? and most importantly: is DNA brown?? Total Relaxation is a Hellgirl podcast. Cover art: Ariana Sauder Theme music: Vo...

What if all you need is a dog, a house and sexy little AI chatbot? Is that a fear or a fantasy? We get to the bottom of it with environmental educator, comedian, and paid chatbot subscriber, Melina! Also: When robots dangle. When the workout class is more of a lashes situation. The dream of never talking to anybody ever again. Using a thousand gajillion pounds of water to power LLMs. Utopian sci-f...