Theoretically Speaking

The second part of our season finale is here! This is a direct continuation of our XXXTRA LONG discussion from pt 1 : would u do ___ for a million dollars?? I mean hey, a million bucks is a million bucks...   This season has been super fun for everyone involved, thank y'all so much for listening! 

With S3 coming to a close, the time has come... FOR THE MILLION DOLLAR EPISODE SEASON FINALE EXTRAVAGANZA (pt 1)!! What would YOU do for a freaking MILLION DOLLARS???   We got our good ole friends Tommy and Michael in on this one, and WARNING: EPISODE IS STRAIGHT UP SOPPING WET!!  Thank yall so much for an awesome 3rd season!! As always, stay tuned for more soon. We love u

Everybody has asked themself the eternal question at least once in their life: wtf is swashbuckling? Is it for me? A swashbuckling lifestyle? We explore these questions and more in this salty briney episode of Theoretically Scurvying

You wake up. Big meaty ore coming to smash ur housen ur planet. U got 1 day 2 vibe before ur bones r smashed....wyd???

Got a problem? Nope. Not anymore. We just invented a solution to whatever it was. It's just that easy for us. Listen to us solve more problems in this Jimmy Neutroid-esque episode. Topics include: beating mice with hammers, collecting change, and how do they really make toilet wine anyways??

Would. You. Rather? Plato, Shakespeare, Einstein, the greatest minds in human history have asked this question for aeons. In this extra special IRL episode we answer that question. Several times.  Topics include: building/stealing every mode of transportation you use, peruvian soda (delicious), and time travel (surprisingly mediocre). Enjoy B^)

Imagine the thirstiest you've ever been. Chapped lips, cotton mouth, the works. Now imagine that 24/7. NOW imagine that AND rabid cannibal water raiders want kill you to harvest your body for its water. Welcome to the Water Wars baby!

Sports. Since the dawn of time man has always found something roundish to throw and assault one another over. An ancient tradition of violence, shared amongst all cultures. But here at TS, we think its been too long since a NEW sport graced the land. So we dared to answer the call: what if you had to invent a whole new sport?? (Also Alex is back) Enjoy >:^)

Matt, Ian, and smooth-brained-featherless-biped/friend CJ talk ALL about Halloween. Candy. Parties. Memories. No theoretical this time baby just raw ween. Enjoy!!

Congratulations! You and ur family have won a BRAND NEW HOUSE!! All you have to do is surive on your own on the hostile failed penile colony (lol) of Elo Rock. Youve got your keys, some mouthwash, and an insatiable hunger for worms. Good luck! Other subjects of discussion include but are not limited to: CGI Bruce Willis' skin, Matt's ancient redbox copy of Downsizing featuring Matt Damon, and much...

Your illegal probing days are over. For your crimes against god and his people you are sent to a hostile penal colony lightyears away. No food. No water. No probing (IMPORTANT!). How long would you last?

Have you ever wanted to be the best IN THE WORLD at something entirely arbitrary and pointless? Us too lol! In this episode we talk about what records we could break. Theoretically.    Ps: If anyone can do any of those weird things like shoot milk out of their eye or whatever, hit us up. We will sponsor you

CAUTION: This epsiode is  WET AF < < > >  

In this part 1 of 2 city building episodes, Ian founds his very own city. And it goes just exactly about as well as you could expect. Which is to say... epicly   B^)

On this especially form-breaking epsiode we decided to finally just sit down and talk. Happy birthday Matt!!

This is it. The most chaotic, ADHD addled episode by far is here! In this improv-heavy episode Ian, Matt, and their guest/friend/organ donor Tommy all create and act out their own gameshows. Buckle up.

In this meta-matrix-verse episode, Matt and Ian talk about what it would be like to be the most l33t hacker in the world. Such power would make a god tremble, what would you do?

Ian and Matt are back! Zombies are stumbling on your lawn. You're ill-prepared, ill-equipped, but thankfully the illest podcast around will help you prepare for the impending zombie apocalypse. But oh no! The zombies are here! They're gnawing at your door screaming for you to listen... Season 3: 3D is here! How long will you survive?

It's the season 2 FINALE EPISODE folks! Featuring our good silly friend Tommy. We liked this topic so much we had to do it again! What horrible debased things would you do for a milly? Clean a gas station with your mouth? I'd do it for free!   Thank you so much for a great Season 2 clowns! Season 3 is otw but we will be taking a hiatus so be sure to follow us for more TS content!  @theoreticallysp...

In this wacky ZANY episode, your favorite armchair philosophers discuss if they had to do  something for all of eternity... what would it be?

The boys imagine the fair from hell. Which attraction do you dare to ride?

In this INTERSTELLAR GUEST EPISODE ft. our good friend Trey, we finally answer the age old question: is there life out there? Are  they the ones making those weird porn sidebar ads? All this and more in this episode of TS!

In this episode Matt and Ian get down and dirty with cryptids. Which are animals/things people  claim to have seen, but have no proof of doing so. I'm talking Nessy! I'm talking Mothman! ! I'm talking the North Carolina Education budget!!! Let us know what cryptid is  your favorite!!!!

In a surprisingly intimate discussion, the boys rank their fears from Seriously Spooky to Freaking Not Scary At All. Everything from icky Vomit to fear of THE INCOMPARABLE POWER OF THE SUN is discussed. What are you afraid of?

In this MADDENING SUPER COOL DOUBLE UPLOAD EXTRAVAGANZA the boys talk about what they would do when bless with the power of the divine. A lot of really really  dumb stuff, it turns out. In this episode, Ian has taken the form of the almighty. Watch ur back...