The SelfWork Podcast

If you haven’t heard about Harvey Weinstein, you may have been living under a rock the last couple of weeks. He’s been accused of sexual harassment and assault by multiple women. Dr. Margaret relays an incident in her own history with sexual harassment, and how it made her feel. She also focuses on human’s normal […] The post 046 SelfWork: How A Woman Feels Around A Harvey Weinstein appeared first...

Dr. Margaret received a fascinating question from a listener recently. “How do I learn to feel my feelings, when I’ve been suppressing them for years?” The key is self-compassion, and it’s vital in healing from depression, anxiety or what I term perfectly hidden depression. Dr. Margaret focuses on self-compassion, giving examples from her own patients […] The post 045 SelfWork: Self-Compassion. Wh...

If you have already experiencing depression, anxiety or even Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), you may be being triggered by the horrific massacre in Las Vegas. In this special edition of SelfWork, Dr. Margaret offers some important ideas on how to process your thoughts and emotions if your symptoms have re-emerged or are worsening. Please […] The post 044 SelfWork: Is Your PTSD, Depression O...

Friends. They’re often your “family of choice.” They can be wonderfully satisfying, intellectually challenging, and just plain fun. But what happens when one friend backs out of the friendship?  How do you understand it, grieve the loss and move on? Dr. Margaret speaks again of her own experience with being “ghosted” by a friend, and […] The post 043 SelfWork: When Friendships End appeared first o...

“I’m not in love with you anymore.” These are words that can bring pain, confusion — a total feeling of rejection and emotional abandonment. How do couples try to prevent this from happening? What do you need to do to stay connected and committed? What’s the one question you heed to ask yourself? Dr. Margaret […] The post 042 SelfWork: How To Fall Back In Love (Or Make Sure You Stay) appeared firs...

Loving “long distance” is something that many people have to learn how to do. Whether you live far away from parents, your partner, your children or great friends, maintaining that relationship can require understanding, flexibility and other significant personal skills. Dr. Margaret tells her personal story of living away from loved ones, both as a […] The post 041 SelfWork: Making “Long Distance...

The rate of suicide is increasing dramatically in the United States as well as internationally, both in teenagers and in midlife. As this is Suicide Prevention Awareness Month in the US, Dr. Margaret discusses this cultural shift, quoting the fascinating work of prominent researcher Jean Twenge who reports a relationship between the emergence of the […] The post 040 SelfWork: Depression, Suicide A...

There’s tremendous controversy about whether or not gender differences occur as a result of cultural influence or are they innate. What’s important for this podcast isn’t how they’re created, but what influence do they have on a couple’s communication? Dr. Margaret tells about her own observations in working with couples, and shares the ideas from […] The post 039 SelfWork: The Unique Basic Needs...

“When I sat down to record this morning, I could only think of the many tragedies, caused by humans and by nature, that have been occurring for the last few weeks and months. I felt paralyzed. What did what I might have to say matter? Then I remembered a stranger’s kindness, and I smiled.” Dr. Margaret tells […] The post 038 SelfWork: Kindness Matters appeared first on Dr. Margaret Rutherford . Ou...

Parenting. It’s hectic, Complicated. Fatiguing. Wonderful. Meaningful. Frightening. One would think that it would be easier with two people doing it, and it is in many ways. But you can get in battles about everything from who’s the better parent to who cares the most to who is the better disciplinarian. Dr. Margaret offers four […] The post 037 SelfWork: How To Parent Well Together appeared first...

In today’s podcast, Dr. Margaret talks about a certain type of shame that’s rarely revealed after sexual abuse. What is that shame? It’s the result of your body responding with arousal during the actual abuse itself. What’s vital to understand is that arousal doesn’t reflect consent — not in any way. Dr. Margaret describes conditions […] The post 036 SelfWork: The Shame No One Talks About After Se...

No one has a “say” in the kind of parents we had. Some are lucky, and have parents who loved them deeply and cared for them in a healthy way. Many are not so lucky, and have to deal with very painful memories, the emotions that stem from them, and how their present life may […] The post 035 SelfWork: Four Steps To Heal From Parental Abuse appeared first on Dr. Margaret Rutherford . Our Sponsors: *...

There is a huge difference between divorce with children, and divorce without children. Dr. Margaret offers nine practical and do-able choices to make when living out your divorced life, with shared children. “Getting along for the children’s sake” can lead to your children to survive the divorce and thrive in their lives, whereas a continuation […] The post 034 SelfWork : Divorce. How To “Get Alo...

What is the relationship between self-esteem and self-acceptance? And how do you manage to hang on to either when you’re experiencing depression? Dr. Margaret gives you her perspective, with the offering that no one fact about you defines you as a person. She also describes the difference between resignation and acceptance, and how the latter […] The post 033 SelfWork: How Self-Esteem And Self-Acc...

Hiding or detaching temporarily from emotional pain is a healthy skill. If you have something hurtful happen, but you need to “get your act together” in order to work, or watch children, then knowing you can do that rather than being besieged by your pain, reflects emotional competence. However, people with Perfectly Hidden Depression have […] The post 032 SelfWork: The Nine Paths To Perfectly Hid...

The Beck Depression Inventory has been used to identify depression for many years. But it will miss those with Perfectly Hidden Depression, due to the fact that they’d rarely allow themselves to reveal their pain, not even to a computer. Even people with more moderate classic depression may discount or deny their symptoms — no […] The post 031 SelfWork: Hiding Depression And Perfectly Hidden Depre...

“I love you, but….” How do we handle criticism, even “constructive criticism” from people we care about? Often, not too well. That could be a problem with how it’s delivered, how we hear it, or both. Dr. Margaret discusses what makes critical feedback so difficult and offers ten ideas of how to get out of […] The post 030 SelfWork: “I Love You, But…” The Art Of Giving And Receiving Criticism appea...

Today’s podcast is a little unusual. Dr. Margaret’s telling a bit of her own love story with the man she married almost 28 years ago. She wrote a post about their marriage in 2014 that went viral on The Huffington Post, which she’s going to share with you, along with a few back stories of […] The post 029 SelfWork: Marriage Is Not For Chickens appeared first on Dr. Margaret Rutherford . Our Sponso...

Anger. It’s not an emotion that many people know how to express well. And some even believe it’s to be avoided at all costs. Where do we get those beliefs? And what are the different ways we let each other know we’re angry? Dr. Margaret discusses how to express anger, and why often it’s important […] The post 028 SelfWork: You’re Mad. Do You Stuff It, Reveal It Or Explode? appeared first on Dr. Ma...

“My mother was many things — lovely, talented, and she had a prescription drug addiction.” This is the very personal story of Dr. Margaret’s own mom, how anxiety and addiction affected her life and the lives of those who loved her. She had what would now be called Generalized Anxiety Disorder and obsessive-compulsive traits, and […] The post 027 SelfWork: Anxiety, My Mom and Prescription Drug Abus...

13 Reasons Why, the explosively haunting Netflix series focusing on teenagers, is giving our culture a message. It’s about bullying, drug and alcohol use, sexual assault, anxiety and alienation caused by the cruel use of social media, depression and suicide. Not that only parents of teens should listen to this podcast! Dr. Margaret points out […] The post 026 SelfWork 13 Reasons Why: The Rise Of T...

What does it feel like to live with mental illness, such as panic disorder or bipolar disorder? In this episode, Dr. Margaret tells her story of having and managing panic attacks, as performed in the local This Is My Brave program. In rehearsal, she met the young Caitlin McDowell, whose stunning piece on living with bipolar disorder […] The post 025 SelfWork: Living With Anxiety And Bipolar Disord...

Any time you can claim intention, it’s empowering. Letting go of children and avoiding the depression that can come from “empty nest?” You can decide to handle that transition with intentionality as well. Dr. Margaret offer specific ideas and references to help you do just that — and the process starts way before your children […] The post 024 SelfWork: How To Prevent “Empty Nest” And Let Go, With...

You may not believe you experience FOMO, the recent acronym for the “fear of missing out.” But wait until you hear actual quotes from people who do, and you may hear yourself! Here’s one: “I can see from her SnapChat that she went out with all of our friends. I ended the friendship with her, but […] The post 023 SelfWork: Do You Have FOMO (the Fear of Missing Out)? appeared first on Dr. Margaret R...

Eating disorders and body image problems are rampant in our culture, with good reason. We are pummeled with images of the “acceptable” body, which is much younger, fitter, and probably photo-shopped. Dr. Margaret is talking today about the different kinds of eating disorders, her own history with anorexia and three non-scale things you can begin […] The post 022 SelfWork: How To Not Hate Your Body...