The Bible in Fewer Words

There is a verse in the gospel of Luke that is clearly states Jesus's views about the family. It's not one that you are likely to hear in church, and few Christians know of its existence. "If any man come to me, and hate not his father, and mother, and wife, and children, and brethren, and sisters, yea, and his own life also, he cannot be my disciple." Luke 14:26 But it is right...

This episode begins with the disciples asking Jesus if they could burn to death the Samaritans that didn't welcome them - like Elijah did in 2 Kings 1. Jesus saic, "No" - but then in the next chapter he says it'll be worse for any city that doesn't welcome them than it was for the city of Sodom. The same chapter has has my vote for the best story in the Bible: the parable of...

In this episode, the people of Nazareth, Jesus's hometown, try to push Jesus off a cliff. But somehow he manages to escape. Then he miraculously catches so many fish that it almost sinks two boats. Jesus preaches a sermon on a plain that is a reduced version of the Sermon on the Mount in Matthew 5-7. And we learn about Mary Magdalene, her seven devils, and the many women who followed Jesus whi...

The only information in the New Testament about the birth of Jesus is found in the gospels of Mathew and Luke. These stories disagree about just about everything - except for the name of his parents (Mary and Joseph), where he was born (Bethlehem) and who he was descended from (David). But since Linus used Luke's story in Charlie Brown Christmas, that is the story we all know best. The text an...

This chapter is a favorite of Catholics. It includes three of their most popular prayers: the Hail Mary, Magnificat, and the Benedictus. Each of these prayers are said and sung millions of times every day. The Liturgy would be impoverished without them. But there is also a story that is told in this chapter. The angel Gabriel arrives in Jerusalem and helps Zechariah and Elisabeth have a baby boy -...

The gospel of Mark ends with three women being told by a young man that Jesus had risen from the dead. The young man told them to run tell his disciples that Jesus would meet them in Galilee, but they ran away and told no one because they were afraid. Or that's how it ended in the original. But a hundred or so years later twelve verses were added - and what a strange twelve verses they are! Th...

The gospels don't always agree on the teachings of Jesus. For example, in Mark's gospel, Jesus condemns divorce for any reason, whereas in Matthew, Jesus allows it when the wife is guilty of fornication. Some of the events are different as well. In Mark, the Zebedee brothers ask Jesus for the best seats in heaven; in Matthew, their mom asks Jesus for them. And Jesus rides into Jerusalem on...

The episode begins with the Pharisees criticizing Jesus for not washing his hands before eating. Jesus responds by accusing them on not killing their disobedient children, as God commanded. There are two miracles in Mark's gospels that the other synoptic gospels left out. Both involve Jesus's spit. Jesus cures a man with a speech impediment by rubbing some of his spit on the man's tong...

In this episode, Jesus sends the unclean spirits from a possessed man into a herd of 2000 pigs, who run down a cliff and drown in the sea. Jesus returns to Nazareth, where he is rejected by those who knew him best - his family and hometown neighbors. Herod Antipas thinks Jesus is the risen John the Baptist - while John the Baptist is still alive. Then Herod cuts off John the Baptist's head and...

Jesus continues to cast out devils, and is accused of doing so through the power of the devil. He responds by saying that whoever blasphemes against the holy spirit will never be forgiven. His family is concerned about him, saying that he is beside himself. When Jesus is told that his mother and brothers would like to speak to him, he says, "Who is my mother, and who are my brothers?" Wh...

The gospel of Mark was the first gospel to written. It was used by the authors of the other two synoptic gospels (Matthew and Luke) as a source. Unlike these two later gospels, the first gospel doesn't begin at the beginning. It says nothing about Jesus's birth - who his parents were, or where he was born. Jesus just shows up, like everyone else in Judea, to get baptized by John the Baptis...

In this episode, Judas hangs himself, Jesus is crucified, dead people walk around, and Jesus is resurrected - but some of his disciples doubted. The text and notes for this episode can be found here: https://skepticsannotatedbible.com/fewer-words/248.html If you enjoy these podcasts, consider supporting us at https://patreon.com/BFW

In this episode, Jesus gets his head anointed with expensive oil by an unnamed woman. His disciples complain about it, saying the money could have been spent on the poor. But Jesus said they'd always have poor people, but wouldn't always have him. Jesus has a last supper with his disciples, where he told them to eat his body and drink his blood, and said that one of them would betray him,...

In Chapter 24, Jesus tells us how the world will end. Badly, I'm afraid. And within the lifetime of his listeners. Chapter 25 includes three parables. In the first one, ten virgins get ready for one bridegroom - some had oil and some didn't. The moral of the story is this: make sure you have your oil ready, because you never know when Jesus will come. And Jesus won't know you unless yo...

Jesus has some strange parables, but one of the strangest is the one about a wedding garment. It involves a psycho king who sends a guest into the outer darkness to weep and gnash his teeth - because he lacks a wedding garment. Jesus clarifies a few other things in this episode: We should pay our taxes, there is no marriage in heaven, the messiah isn't the son of David, and the Jewish leaders...

In this episode, the mother of two of Jesus's disciples, James and John, asks Jesus to give her sons the best seats in heaven. Jesus responds by saying the seating arrangements in heaven are beyond his control. His father will decide who sits where. Then Jesus rides into Jerusalem on a donkey and a colt, which must have taken a bit of practice. And the next morning, Jesus killed a fig tree for...

Jesus tells us to cut off our hands and pluck out our eyes, if they cause us to sin, saying it'd be better to go to heaven without them than to go to hell with them. Then he tells us about eunuchs. Some are born eunuchs, some are made eunuchs by others, and some make themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven's sake. He that is able to receive it, let him receive it. And finally, Jesus e...

In this episode, Peter becomes the first pope by saying Jesus is the Son of God. But then, Jesus calls him Satan for saying Jesus wouldn't be killed in Jerusalem. And Jesus assures his listeners that some of them would still be alive when he comes back after he dies. Jesus calls everyone in his generation faithless and perverse - because his disciples couldn't remove the devil from a lunat...

This episode has some familiar Bible stories. John the Baptist is beheaded, Jesus feeds thousands of people (twice) with a few loaves and fishes, Jesus walks on water, and Peter tries to. It also has a couple stories that are less well known. Herod Antipas says that Jesus is the risen John the Baptist - while the Baptist is still alive! And Jesus calls a Canaanite woman a dog, refusing (at first)...

Jesus tells several parables in this episode, but his disciples don't understand them very well. So they ask him why he speaks in parables. He explains that he uses parables so that the people won't understand. That way they won't be converted and he won't heal them. We also learn that his family (which includes four brothers and at least two sisters) are offended by him and don&#3...

In this episode, Jesus tells us about the unforgivable sin. Blasphemy against the Holy Ghost. Whoever says anything bad about the Holy Ghost will never be forgiven - in this life or in the next. Jesus also tells us about unclean spirits, and how they inhabit, leave, and return to bodies, after they are cleaned up, with seven more spirits even more wicked than themselves. And we learn about Jesus&#...

In this episode, Jesus selects the rest of his apostles and gave them power over unclean spirits. He tells them that everyone will hate them, but that any city that refuses to listen to them will be destroyed like Sodom and Gomorrah. He says that the Son of Man will come before they finish preaching to the cities in Israel. Jesus said he didn't come to bring peace, but the sword. He came to di...

After Jesus finished the sermon on the mount, he continued his ministry in Galilee. He cleaned a leper, healed a centurion's slave and Peter's mother-in-law, and cast out devils. When one of his disciples asked to bury his dead father, Jesus said, "Follow me, and let the dead bury the dead." Then Jesus calmed a storm, cast out some more devils by drowning a herd of pigs. He cured...

This is the second half of the Sermon on the Mount. Jesus tells his followers to avoid repetitious prayer, and then teaches them the Lord's Prayer (or the Our Father) and tells them to pray with it. He introduces the "golden rule" and says that it includes everything in the law and the prophets. And yet the Law of Moses commands us to stone to death our entire family if they suggest...

The Sermon on the Mount is the most famous sermon of all time. I'm sure much of it will be familiar to you. But some of it might not be. Jesus says some pretty radical things there. Including: All of the law of Moses must be obeyed - every jot and tittle. If your eye causes you to sin, pluck it out. (It's better to go to heaven with an eye missing, than to go to hell with both eyes.) Divor...