The Bible in Fewer Words

Second Corinthians is thought to be a composite of at least two of Paul's letters. The first nine chapters are rather boring and of quite a different tone than the last four chapters - in which Paul brags about all the things he's done and threatens those who disagree with him. Among all the bragging, though, Paul tells us something interesting about himself. A messenger of Satan put a thorn in hi...

Paul has a few things to say about women in this episode. The head of every woman is a man, the head of every man is Christ, and the head of Christ is God. Women must cover their head in church - or have their head shaved. Women may not talk in church. If they want to learn something, they can ask their husband at home. Paul also says everyone should prophesy, speak in tongues, and baptize dead pe...

In this episode, Paul tells us what he thinks about marriage. He's against it. He'd prefer that no one get married - except for those who can't control themselves. Because it's better to marry than to burn. So Paul's advice is this: If you're not married, don't get married; if you are married, stay married - but don't have sex. Jesus is coming, so there's no time for it. Paul has similar advice ab...

In this episode, Paul tells us what to do with a man who has sex with his father's wife: Give him to Satan who will destroy his body so that his spirit will be saved by Jesus. We also learn about who we should shun and who won't inherit the kingdom of God (gay and effeminate men, among others). The text and notes for this episode can be found here: https://skepticsannotatedbible.com/fewer-words/28...

Paul gives us some good advice in chapter 12: love others, do good, avoid evil. But then in the next chapter he says that all rulers are appointed by God and must be obeyed. In chapter 15, Paul says it's okay for us to eat whatever we want - even veggies, if you're a weakling. Just be sure to be fully persuaded in your own mind. Because whoever doubts is damned. The letter seems to have tw...

In this episode Paul explains how we were once married to the law of Moses, but Jesus killed the law, so now we can marry Jesus and live happily ever after. Now you don't have to obey God's laws in the Bible, you just have to obey Jesus. Paul also tells us that God hated Esau, so he may hate you too, and you're not allowed to complain about it. God made you just the way you are, and si...

In this episode Paul tells us that we are all evil in God's eyes and that none of us has ever done anything good. So we deserve to be tormented by God. According to Paul, God has made his existence obvious from his creation, so those who don't believe in him have no excuse. For their unbelief, God has let them become unclean. Men abandoned the natural use of women by lusting after each oth...

Paul continues his trial in Jerusalem, claiming to be a good Pharisee who has never done anything wrong. But the Jews weren't buying it. So they went on a hunger strike, refusing to eat anything until they were allowed to kill Paul. To protect Paul from the Jews, Paul is taken to Caesarea to be tried there. When they couldn't decide what to do with him, they put him on a boat bound for Rom...

In this episode: Christians perform their first book burning, a young man falls asleep and falls to his death during one of Paul's sermons, four men take vows after shaving their heads, and Paul is arrested by the Jews who try to kill him. The text and notes for this episode can be found here: https://skepticsannotatedbible.com/fewer-words/276.html If you enjoy these podcasts, consider support...

Paul circumcises Timothy, not because he believes circumcision is required (he doesn't), but because he is worried about what Timothy's Jewish neighbors might think. It was a politically correct circumcision. Then the Holy Ghost prohibited Paul from preaching in Asia and Bithynia. So he went to Macedonia instead - since he had a dream about a man from Macedonia who said, "Come and hel...

The episode begins with the Holy Ghost sending Paul and Barnabas to Cyprus to do some work for him. While there, Paul blinded a man for opposing God and being a child of the devil. The Jews tried to stone to death Paul and Barnabas twice, but they escaped without a single stone hitting them. Chapter 15 has the famous Council of Jerusalem, where it seemed good to the Holy Ghost and to the apostles...

Peter has a dream (which is repeated three times) in which a sheet drops down from the sky with every kind of animal on it. Then a voice from heaven commands him to kill and eat all of the animals. Some time later, Peter is imprisoned and an angel rescues him while he is sleeping between two soldiers. Then king Herod made a speech that was so good that the people said he spoke with the voice of Go...

In this episode, Saul of Tarsus (who will later be called Paul) experiences his famous conversion on the road to Damascus. Also, Simon Magus tries to buy some spiritual powers, and thereby invents the sin of simony. And Philip baptizes an Ethiopian eunuch without asking him to renounce his "eunuchness" before being baptized. The text and notes for this episode can be found here: https://...

The first Christians were also the first communists. Everyone gave everything they had to the apostles, who distributed everything to each member according to their need. It went along okay for a few verses, until a married couple (Ananias and Sapphira) sold their house, gave the some of money to the apostles, but kept some for themselves. So God killed them for it. The text and notes for this epi...

The author of the gospel of Luke writes to Theophilus again to tell him about what the apostles did after Jesus died. Jesus hung out with the apostles for forty days, then he beamed up to heaven while the apostles watched. About ten days later, on the feast of Pentecost, the Holy Ghost came down put split tongues of fire on each of the apostles heads. They all started speaking in languages they di...

The exciting double ending of the gospel of John. Jesus rises from the dead, but no one seems to recognize him, at least at first sight. Thomas refuses to believe until he touches Jesus's wounds. Peter goes fishing naked and Jesus helps him catch 153 fish. And Jesus says it's none of Peter's business about whether or not the disciple whom Jesus loves lives to see Jesus come again. So i...

If you've listened to our previous episodes, then you've heard about Jesus's death before. But the story in John is different, so we're telling it again. Here we learn who cut off the ear of the high priest. And hear Pilate ask the question, "What is truth?" The text and notes for this episode can be found here: https://skepticsannotatedbible.com/fewer-words/268.html If y...

In this episode, Jesus washes his disciples feet and gives them a new commandment: Love one another. The text and notes for this episode can be found here: https://skepticsannotatedbible.com/fewer-words/267.html If you enjoy these podcasts, consider supporting us at https://patreon.com/BFW

There are only three people in the gospels who are said to be loved by Jesus, at least by name: Martha, Mary, and Lazarus. In this episode we meet all three, when Jesus raises Lazarus from the dead. The text and notes for this episode can be found here: https://skepticsannotatedbible.com/fewer-words/266.html If you enjoy these podcasts, consider supporting us at https://patreon.com/BFW

In the gospel of Mark, Jesus cured two people with his spit: A blind man by spitting in his eyes, and a man who couldn't speak by rubbing his spit on the man's tongue (Episode 252). But in this episode, Jesus does something even more impressive. He cures a blind man by making mud out of his spit and then rubbing it in the blind man's eyes. Why don't the faith healers do this anymor...

In chapter 6, Jesus tells his disciples that they must eat his flesh and drink his blood or they won't have any life in them. That was just too much for many of them. So many his disciples left him. In the next chapter we learn that Jesus's brothers didn't believe in him and the people accuse Jesus of having a devil. Jesus says that living waters will flow out of his followers bellies....

If you've heard only one verse in the Bible, it's likely this one: "For God so loved the world that he gave his only son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life." John 3:16 And it sounds kind of nice, until you read John 3:18, which clarifies its meaning: "He that believeth on him [Jesus] is not condemned: but he that believeth not is co...

The gospel of John begins where Genesis began - in the beginning. God, it turns out, wasn't alone when he created things. He had the word with him. Or the word was him. Or something like that. We are, of course, supposed to know what John is saying here, without him actually saying it. Jesus is God. Or the son of God. Or something like that. The text and notes for this episode can be found her...

Chapters 19-23 repeat many of the stories that were covered in previous episodes: the last supper, Jesus's arrest, trial, and crucifixion. But the last chapter, chapter 24, has some fun stories that are told nowhere else: Jesus's mysterious appearance on the road to Emmaus, his ghost-like appearance to his apostles, and his final meal (boiled fish and honeycomb) before going to heaven. The...

Jesus says some strange things in this episode. In the parable of the wise, dishonest steward, he says we should make friends with unrighteous wealthy people so that they will provide us with an eternal home. He says that whatever people value most is an abomination to God. He says we are God's worthless slaves and that God will treat us as badly as we treat our own slaves. He says that God wi...