The Attic Breakdown

Sketchy meat, the freaky-deaky Kardashians, and what’s so great about Pete Davidson? Heather’s 7-Eleven fashion faux pas, a lottery tutorial, and also the METAmorphasis of Facebook. 

Jordan’s big feelings, the value of a timer, and the Banana Boat contradiction. Stalin’s monkey army, royal imposters, Alexie's restricted play, and also should we eat out?

The doll kicked across the hall, freezy tanks, Grecian flex, naked and shamed, bones or no bones and life before cell phones. How to divide a decade: science vs math and also do you believe in miracles? Yes!

Fraudulent tax bills, testosterone averse lice, and who has the alpha womb? The dreaded return of the low-rise, and also, don't take pills from Angela.

The well-known unclimbable birch, Tripping trombones, Ray Ban scams, poop drops, and the business of pirates. Flinstones overdose, the escape to international waters, and also a disastrous closing.

Quality costume control, McKamy Manor, and Squid Game spoilers. Talking Tina, a witch’s invitation, and also explaining doggie decomp. 

Original Biden or original Bush? Defensive aliens, refuse to be cancelled culture, and a Christian’s guide to sex. Also, Jordan’s cheugy sandwich selection.

Museum-ready button-downs, welcome back Seinfeld, unwarranted proctology, and does anyone have change for a trillion? Also, who shrunk the Pringles?  

Heather and Jordan's trash can standoff, Uncrustable safety tips, TikTok toilet thieves, and please don’t talk about Brooks. Also, can we survive without the Real Housewives?

Thick wrists, gargantuan mums, and over the top HOCO proposals. Rock bottom lakes, and reliving the VMA’s glory days. Also, Jordan does not care about your stupid gender reveal. 

Interview envy, Karen chaos, COVID controversy, and hanging onto our humanity. Also, what's your craziest carpool fantasy?

Dying to eat hotdogs, salty knuckles, and accidental ASMR. Forlorn felines and messed up maps. Also, Bjork on the mind and Heather’s Def Leppard obsession.

Jordan's phlegm, our identity crisis, and the abominable platypus. Death with dignity, milk crate mountains, and also, did a sperm cloud kill Amelia Earhart.

Our 8-legged co-host, Val vs. Brad, and who doesn't like a little sexy soot? The height of our stomachs, and also some bully-induced podcast reviews.

The Great Coffee Caper, bathing habits of the rich and famous, and the importance of Nair care. Also, where can I find the mysterious silver can?

Some magical little bits and pieces of previous recordings that tragically landed on the cutting room floor!

Jailhouse justice, schoolhouse spankings, and is Simone Biles just a real big quitter? Also, #ItsBritneyBitch!

Veterans in diners drinking coffee, I am not a robot, and is Heather drunk? Also, do shepherds still exist?

Storybook stalker mom, #FreeTheNipple, and our thoughts on bumper sticker people. The overly-handsy gameshow host, and also, Jordan's encounter with Dr. Death.

Party favor foul, celebrating cellulite, and anemia is beautiful too. Also, RIP Richard Branson?

Knees are legs too, jumping off countertops, Satanic Panic, and are all right turns alright? Also, please don't thank us with a cookie.

Attic absenteeism, intelligence vs hard work, and we assemble our zombie apocalypse dream team. Also, Heather shares her strategy for keeping her kids off of America Idol.

The fifth-born, Panama vs Pennsylvania, and our plans for interdimensional portal survival. Also, Danielle tries to pick a fight with Paris.

Please don’t sing Happy Birthday at me, and it seems our (thinning) hair is running the show. Crossfit bashing, too tired to hustle, and also smelling is overrated.

The evolution of moles, Jurassic park vs The Fast and The Furious, and are the best seats really in the middle? Also, Danielle confesses to crushing on… Jesus?