The Attic Breakdown

Jordan’s inflamed brain, twerking chickens, awkward potatoes, and Dr. Mulan. Romanoff trivia, happy hauntings, JT backed money, and also Steve may not be funny.

Deaf doctors, a haired guy, 24 inches down, and space boners. Sexy lions, shitty mama bears, indigenous Scott’s, handsy bra fittings, and also Jordan’s sorry.

Knee lifts, Ben's first cameo, Lasik propaganda, and tampon bait. Vice Presidential eyeliner, a faux hawk crisis, crotch catch, and also Heather’s disobedience.

Guess who’s back, lightning crotch, sock wipes and slippery cheeks. Apathetic concern, Olympic indifference, Heather’s personality transplant, and also stressful phone numbers. 

RIP Rosalynn, puffy pods, and kitten CPR. Lockjaw fright, befuddling braziers, gerrymandering, and also Angela’s jarred urine. 

Maybe we took too much time off…

The hates, bedtime wedges, Jordan’s party foul, and Angela’s dead face. Creepy pen pals, forgotten gifts, 3 thank yous, and also a rousing game of 21 questions.

Rubbers, healing linen, and a volcanic heat wave. Trench foot, lobster rights, R.I.P. Weston, and also Viking ice baths. 

Attitude alert, twenty undies, musty trauma, and depressed magicians. Monster families, car poison, electric windows, and also bullsh*t thermometers.

Jordan steers us down a path we didn't expect to go down...

Water > milk, the only three periods of time, a composer faceoff, and smooth knee pits. Gratuitous boobs, nude chain-smoking, and also Heather's unresponsive solar plexus.

Tuscan grope timers, stick horses, and gnarly birthing baths. Airport amputations, playground parakeets, and also low-voltage chakra vibrators.

Sciency websites, hypertensive crystal experiences, clearing the 8th hole, and the 5 religions. No but yes, vomit on your sweater, uh-huh, and also a tempur-pedic phone bed.

Ghost poops, golf game, shark slides, and Christian camp swimwear. Retired hot girls, methylated b’s, absorbent crackers, and also, new age goggles. 

Full-grown clowns, Horror (Whorer) Conventions, and fruit loops with warm milk. Tooth breaking Takis, perfectly purple ping-pong paddles, and also may there be two sets of footprints in your sand.  

Numbering the holes, a bullsh*t linen closet, expired antibiotics, and projectile butt plugs. 8 Strapping men and a come-along, toothbrushing hazards, how are we even alive, and also Crocs with tha fur.

Transcendental bacon, marked “safe” from puffer fish, and edgy roses. Sink holes, adults riding bikes, tainted mustaches, and also a very sticky pouch. 

Hundred and oneth, death or eternity, geriatric dancing, and how do you insert an tampon? Observation expert, knocking the top off it, front tuck protocols, and also out of the shell peanuts.  

A strategic love match, cursing professionals, a lot of stair climbs, and Boeing porn. Chandelier babies, succinct prayers, unapproved Papyrus, and also Danielle knows some things about ears.

The sickies, Josiah’s crackers, old man hoops, and Lenny’s cool factor. Laughter is the second best medicine, panicky bank withdrawals, Spring Break breakdown, and also a license to shave.

Vomit Pajama, Great Grandpa's nap breaks, rolling around in diseases, and standing up podcasters. Late model cheese, days of yore, ass towels & poop sponges, and also how do you pour up?

Turkey drop, sexy jawlines, recycled drums, and a Lego bombing. Robot shadows, Danielle’s anatomy demonstration, move over Rose, and also Heather gets a dental device. 

The scent of garlic, shocking foot grabs, it’s a shame about people, and are you pregnant? Laws of attraction, submarine shenanigans, silent bunnies, and also let’s learn about fowl!

Use your eyes, measuring the Earth, Jordan might be interesting, and what is the biggest tire? Test driving chat-bots, Jimmy Carter says “hello”, a bag in a tree, and also don’t wash your ear holes. 

Running an orange light, insensitive crop tops, mental floss, and babysitter shock. “P” is for penis, reckless streams, mouth control, and also Angela’s residual rasp.