Relationships By Design

Bad weather isn’t just outside us; it can also be in the relationship and destroy it from the inside. Agreeing on a strategy, or a plan to deal with the bad weather helps us more quickly get on the path to the life of the relationship we want! “I think that in couples, there are those that take the time to invest and pre plan my life, and then there are many who are flying by the seat of their pan...

Relationship mentors are everywhere. They display examples of what others are doing on approaches we can choose to apply to, damage, or to enhance our relationships. That’s the point of creating Relationships by Design! The sense of community is huge! One bigger than your family unit is critical. It shapes you; it gives support and adds to your life. Be really present and notice. Noticing the peop...

Have you had a time when you attempted to engage with your partner and been unsuccessful? Do you argue or disagree about the same things repeatedly? You’re definitely not alone here! Use invitations to invite the other person in - it’s not implied both parties are always on the same page. Seek first to understand, then to be understood. Which means listening! “In order to build healthy relationshi...

Not getting results that you want in your relationship? How do you make changes and guarantee a more enjoyable future? Join us to give change a chance! It’s tough to change. The comfort of the known is convenient, it’s the familiar zone! How do we consciously and intentionally make changes to self to get the changes that we want, both individually and together? “I can only make changes to myself,...

As individuals, we each have strength. In a relationship, our individual strengths need to be consciously utilized together. And with some strong communication and trust it can go a long way! “Each one of us has incredible strengths, and yet we may not be strong in the same area and to figure out how we can utilize each person’s strengths in each situation.” Trust is a powerful thing. We’re all th...

Accountability is not so easy, and perhaps downright impossible! How do we hold each other to a level of love, patience, and respect in these situations? If you’re coming in at the same level, then communication is effective. If someone is at a different perceived level, then it could feel like one person is at a place of power or authority, and the other one is a child... or incapable. Be respect...

Have you considered your life being similar to a jigsaw puzzle? The only exception being you don’t know how the final picture looks - you get to create it. Let’s enjoy the process! With a jigsaw puzzle, there are definite boundaries and then there are pieces that are pretending sometimes. In your own life, there’s times where you may think you know where your boundaries are but might not always be...

What impact do you have on the world? And more importantly - what impact would you like to have? It all seems so daunting! As a first responder, you must look after yourself first before you can reach out and help anyone else out. You put your own oxygen mask on first before serving others. Because if you are not healthy then you have no ability, really, to be a true value to help in relationship...

It might seem silly, but we recognize that we need to make and prioritize the time for fun. Planning for fun is important! “I want to have fun with you! I want it to be a joyous experience, not drudgery. And so, by adding these things in this will allow me to experience more joy. Not just in this time, also in the lead up and follow up.” So, how do you approach and decide what to do for fun togeth...

We all sometimes unconsciously slip and things that cause a negative reaction and conflict. Or do something that causes that reaction. How can we avoid triggering this in our relationships? You likely know your partner well enough to know how to get a reaction out of them, whether that be good or bad. It’s a weird thing. We know each other well enough to know what those are, but ego still comes in...

The inner dreaded drama triangle is a powerful model to understand our relationship when in conflict. The core of this triangle is an attempt to gain some power – it's easy to blame someone else! Dan & Carol talk about how we can avoid this trap and let life flow smoother. The three points in this triangle are - persecutor, rescuer, and the victim. No matter which behavior you may be playing out,...

We’ve all heard the phrase ‘it’s better to give than to receive’. However, is one really better than the other? If it’s only better to give than receive, what would happen in nature? To us?  It must be reciprocal, and sometimes we forget about that. Gratitude is a big piece in this. By choosing to receive, it's about recognizing the other person’s loving attempt, and to really see them as this lov...

How do you make decisions, both big and small? This topic is often the cause of problems in relationships. Join Dan and Carol as we dig deep into creating an effective process you can use as a template for decisions in your relationship. How do you create a process to make effective decisions as a couple? Perhaps a flow chart? Or through identifying each choice with your mission as a couple? Perha...

Have you and your partner had a conversation about confidentiality? This topic has such an impact on trust and the safety to share openly. “The confidentiality piece is in knowing that there’s a level of trust in which you and I can say whatever we need to say, and it stays safe between us. It’s safety.” Confidentiality is a solid guideline that anybody could implement with every person they inter...

How often do you have conversations about sexual intimacy with your partner? Sexual intimacy is a foundational part of a healthy relationship, and those conversations can create greater experiences of peace, joy, and happiness. We’re all formed on accepted beliefs from others, like movies, parents, school, religion. These create unconscious unwritten rules. Where did that come from, is that true f...

Everything has a price. Most people expect to get things out of life without paying. If you want happiness, first make someone else happy. Seek and you shall find! “If I had an expectation that something that happened in years gone by in our relationship, and I wanted that same experience now… chances are it was because I wanted to take from that experience instead of giving to it.” How can I give...

What is the “ready” position? In our minds it’s about letting go of expectations and being prepared for anything. This takes a change of mindset, but brings increased focus, adaptability, and happiness. Expect nothing but be prepared for anything. Preparedness gives us a level of okay-ness with dealing with whatever situation comes up knowing you have some skills. Take CPR training, for example. W...

Happiness is a key ingredient in a happy relationship. Lasting happiness comes from moment-to-moment presence. In each moment, I choose to feel something. It’s a choice. If you think it’s your job to make someone else happy, that’s a huge burden that will never be fulfilled. It can be a drastic downward spiral because we’ll miss our own happiness in the process. If we strive to make that our goal,...

How do you celebrate? What do you celebrate? What does celebration mean to you and what does it give you? Celebration plays a significant part of our lives and relationships. We bring traditions from our own families, and then tie them into new ones. But combining family routines can be overwhelming. You must understand that others are bringing their own anticipations and expectations to the event...

Let’s talk about reframing the word “Selfish” to self-full, and the effects of reframing that can have in our relationships. We can think about the word in a couple of ways – towards the self, or one person towards another. Our habitual use of words programs our minds to think, speak and behave in specific ways. This programming is often unconscious and incongruent, causing conflict and stress. Se...

Relationships can be compared to seasons. There’s the big season – our entire time together, and then there’s a lot of smaller seasons that happen in the midst of the journey. When we start to think of our relationship in four seasons, we can become more solid in ourselves, and bring that confidence in love to our significant others, family and friends. The start of a relationship happens in Sprin...

What does the word choice mean and how does it affect us in our lives? 2-year-olds throw a temper tantrum when they feel like they don’t have a choice. They’re feeling less than powerful at that moment. “I feel empowered when I know I do have a choice. Regardless of what the world throws at me, the situations that we’re experiencing right now… at times I feel less than powerful, but I get the oppo...

Having rituals is powerful. It gives us a schedule of things to look forward to and celebrate. It’s a reason to get together with others. Rituals happen routinely and take discipline but bring a joyous outcome in sense of anticipation and belonging in community. There’s power in looking ahead! We have two main kinds of rituals – big and small. Big R rituals are ones that occur on a regular basis a...

We’ve all had days when we’re too hard on ourselves. The little voice in your head says, “you’ll never be able to do that” rather than “way to go, you did do that!”. So how do we set ourselves up to turn this around? “It’s crucial to have that solid foundation at home, where I got you, and I can bounce ideas off of you and gain some clarity – for us to talk about them and are doable and are what w...

We all need connection. The desire to connect with adults as a child, desire to be together again after 15 months of Covid… it is a human desire. “Connection is about feeling totally present in the moment. The choice to be present, the choice to be love.” Connection is mental, emotional and spiritual. It takes courage to build connections. What is the safest place? Trust is a huge part of this, be...