Normalize therapy.

If you’re reading this, you’re probably carrying something heavy. You know you need to tell your wife about your pornography use, and the thought of it makes you feel sick. So let me answer the question you’re really asking: yes, you should tell her. Not because it will be easy, but because the secrecy is already doing damage to your marriage, whether she knows the specifics or n...

The Adverse Childhood Experiences study was a huge research study conducted in the USA that has traced the impact of very difficult childhood experiences into adulthood. For those who have faced these challenges, we want to explore what the potential impacts are in marriage and how to best respond so that you can create or keep a happy, content marriage. Adverse Childhood Experiences The ACE study...

In the US, living with extended family is increasing. 31% of children in the US now live with at least one additional adult in the house, as well as their parents- normally a family member. 10% live with one or both grandparents in the house [i] . Let’s take a look at some of the benefits and challenges this brings to marriage and how to make the most of it if you do have family living with you. L...

Discovering that your spouse has had an affair or has in some way been sexually unfaithful is often an extremely traumatic event. You’ll feel like the boundaries of your marriage have been violated, your trust in your spouse has been destroyed, and even your own identity has been shaken. Betrayal As Trauma The first thing we want to do is just confirm that a betrayal can represent trauma. Trauma h...

Sometimes sexual guilt can be a real drag — acting like a wet blanket not only on your sex life with your spouse but also even dampening the joy you find in your marriage. And most Christian couples don’t feel like they can just throw off their moral boundaries in order to bypass the guilt. So it’s easy to get stuck. Today we want to help you get unstuck. Sexual History and Guilt If you feel that...

You have just discovered your husband’s pornography addiction or the other woman. Your safe world or life as you know it has shattered/come crashing down. We want to provide you with some essential truths and tips/strategies for coping with this sudden devastation and also talk about what you can expect of yourself in the moments and days immediately following betrayal. Today I’m happy to in...

Today we’re exploring the intersection between theology and our sex lives as married couples. These may sound like very disparate topics, but in reality what you believe about God, and what you think the Bible says about sex, will have a big impact on how much – or how little – pleasure you get from God’s great gift of sexuality. This particular episode was recorded when Verlynda was r...

Today we revisit the topic of creating more intimacy in your marriage. This is actually a replay of episode 108. We don’t normally do replays but Verlynda is in the hospital with pneumonia today. I am glad to say that she is recovering, but, boy does that pneumonia ever hit hard. So, please keep her in your thoughts and enjoy this show from a couple years ago. If you really want to build more inti...

Every marriage has conflict. As we often point out, it is not so much how often you fight, but rather what you do when you fight and afterward. Do you repair after conflict? Do you work together during conflict to get to the bottom of issues? Today we have 10 Rules to help you fight fairly. Fair Fighting Since we have so much emotionally and relationally at stake in a marriage, I think it is easy...

What Is Ejaculatory Control? According to one source, 75% of men ejaculate within two minutes of penetration. Not surprisingly, 88% of men report some concern over ejaculating too quickly, and almost all men (99% in one study) use some kind of strategy to delay ejaculation. If you are searching for how to control orgasm timing during sex, you are far from alone. Ejaculatory control is the ability...

The same old arguments … the same old cycle. In the marriage counseling world, we call these negative interaction cycles. The topic or concern or issue may change but it’s usually the same pattern: one spouse is more demanding or trying to get a response and the other avoids or dismisses or withdraws. And then it escalates from there. Today, we’re going to help you get started on breaking out of t...

There are a constellation of marriage-promoting behaviors packed into the Biblical instruction for husbands to honor their wives. Today, we’re launching from a simple phrase in the Bible that instructs husbands to show honor to their wives to demonstrate how a host of research-backed findings are encapsulated in this truth. Our podcasts are not sermons — I am a professional marriage counselor, but...

One of the concerns that often comes up in premarital counselling is from a couple where there are different amounts of sexual experience. Even apart from the moral concerns this may prompt are the fears, uncertainties, and doubts of what sexual intimacy may look like when you get married. For those of you that are new to this podcast, Verlynda and I are born-again believers but I’d say we are the...

Infertility is the inability to conceive a child after at least 1 year of trying. Turns out about 10% of US couples experience infertility, and of those, about half will eventually conceive while the other half remain permanently infertile [i] . That’s actually a pretty high number: 1 in 10 couples struggle with this issue, 1 in 20 permanently face it. Challenges of Infertility As anyone who is go...

Are you working from home, or thinking about working from home? In today’s episode, we want to show you how working from home could be a real positive for your marriage — but there are a few potential downsides that you need to be aware of too. I’ve been working from home for a few years now, and Verlynda has been for much longer than I so we found this research pretty informative. So does being i...

Competing with your spouse: is it good, is it bad? Or like us — if you’re playing mini-golf — it’s just plain ugly! At least, as ugly as Caleb’s putting skills… Oh…snap! For some couples, competitiveness is just a bit of fun: even though it may feel like life or death when you’re at the final hole of the mini-golf course, it doesn’t really have much impact on your marriage. But for others, competi...

Is it better to put more energy into your marriage, or should raising your kids properly be your first concern? If you think pouring your everything into your little munchkins is the best way to do things, then this episode may be a bit of an eye-opener for you. We’re going to unpack the relationship between happy marriages and happy parenting and happy kids. And it may not be what you expect to h...

Ever get the feeling that your arguments as a couple are going nowhere? Or maybe you find yourself thinking, “There has to be a better way to solve conflict than this!” Well, there is: turns out there are some essential skills that work for both husbands and wives and can actually lead to deeper intimacy rather than lingering resentments. Figuring Out Why Someone is Upset Can Be Hard Let’s just ac...

This has to be one of the most common questions I get emailed about. Turns out, if you can take a little time to understand why men or women react differently to the idea of counseling, then you can dial in your approach to help you and your spouse get the help you need! Researchers estimate that at any point in time, in America, around 20% of marriages will be experiencing significant distress [i...

It seems like with chronic illness in marriage you either hear the extremes of horror stories or, on the other end of the spectrum, some very beautiful stories. I’ve heard of a wife getting a bad form of cancer, the husband deciding he just didn’t want to deal with that and bailing out on her. And then there’s a much-loved couple in our own church and she developed Alzheimer’s fairly young and his...

Life gets really busy and difficult to manage sometimes, and as we encounter some challenges we can lose sight of the forest for the trees. Maybe we have some unexplained health problems or even problems at work and we wonder what is going on? Obviously, there are many potential reasons, but have you considered that your unhappy marriage could be an underlying issue? Today’s topic looks at problem...

Feeling drained and hurt by constant criticism from your spouse? You're not alone. In this episode, we unpack the difference between a partner's bad day and a destructive pattern of emotional abuse. We'll explore the hidden reasons behind your spouse's critical behavior—from their own insecurities and perfectionism to underlying unhappiness in the relationship. Learn practical, effective strategie...

If you have ever wondered whether the work of building a thriving marriage is worth it, the research is clear. The benefits of marriage are real, measurable, and far-reaching. But there is one important catch that most articles on this topic skip past: those benefits do not flow from being legally married. They flow from being happily married. This distinction matters. A growing body of psychologi...

It’s hard to kick this episode off without thinking of that old Sunday School song, “I’ve got the joy, joy, joy down in my heart. Where? Down in my heart!” Joy is that feeling of great pleasure and happiness that fills us in a more lasting way than a situational happiness. It’s something we believe can be a huge blessing in marriage so we want to help you figure out how to start increasing the joy...

There’s no doubt in 2018 that sexual abuse is a real issue and also one that is not uncommon. 16% of men and 25% of women have experienced some form of sexual abuse [i] . While a lot of the focus in recent months has been on bringing perpetrators to justice, what about the impact of sexual abuse on married life? Not only that, but how can you facilitate the healing and wholeness of your spouse if...