Nightly News Roundup

Cole Tomas Allen allegedly brought a shotgun to the White House Correspondents' Dinner over Trump officials he accused of sexual misconduct, which the White House blamed on Democrats before anyone read his note; Donald Trump volunteered to Norah O'Donnell that he was neither a rapist nor a pedophile before calling her disgraceful for making him say it; Kash Patel deflected every security question...

The Supreme Court ruled Donald Trump's tariffs illegal, so $166 billion in refunds are now flowing to the corporations that already billed you extra to cover them; Pete Hegseth told Europe to get in a boat and threatened to hand Argentina the Falkland Islands when Britain politely refused; America burned through $35 billion and 1,100 cruise missiles stockpiled for China in two months of Iran war w...

Donald Trump hired his hotel pool contractor to renovate the Lincoln Memorial while insisting he outdrew Martin Luther King Jr.; the Iran ceasefire held just long enough for Trump to issue shoot-to-kill orders and triple mine-sweeping operations in the Strait of Hormuz; House Republicans weighed springing Ghislaine Maxwell if the client list was worth it; the Justice Department responded to its ow...

Iran seized two ships while the U.S. Navy searched for a secretary; RFK Jr. reinvented arithmetic before a Senate committee and nobody stopped him; Andrew Hugg, the Army's top nuclear security officer, apparently treated wartime intelligence like bar trivia; Todd Blanche indicted the SPLC for running informants on the Klan; Laura Loomer lost a defamation suit over a joke because courts still requi...

The ceasefire expired with JD Vance still in Washington and Jared Kushner somehow on the peace delegation; Donald Trump spent a morning threatening bombs, extended the truce anyway, and handed a trophy to a wrestler; Virginia burned $80 million arguing about cheating at maps while Trump admitted he'd heard of gerrymandering; Tucker Carlson found his conscience 25 years too late; Alex Jones lost hi...

Labor Secretary Lori Chavez-DeRemer resigned over booze, an affair with a subordinate, and fabricated travel schedules — the White House called it phenomenal work; the Iran ceasefire expires Wednesday with no talks scheduled and JD Vance unable to identify his departure airport; Trump screamed at aides for hours after an F-15 went down and was kept out of the Situation Room because his impatience...

Israel and Hezbollah agreed to a 10-day ceasefire — emphasis on ten days — while Trump claimed the diplomatic credit like a man who found someone else's wallet; Trump defunded Catholic Charities' migrant shelter program the same week he picked a public fight with Pope Leo XIV, who called unnamed world leaders tyrants manipulating religion for power; Pete Hegseth delivered Jules Winnfield's pre-exe...

The White House denied requesting a ceasefire it simultaneously confirmed negotiating while Donald Trump declared he'd permanently opened the Strait of Hormuz and predicted Xi Jinping would hug him; Representative Yassamin Ansari filed six impeachment articles against Pete Hegseth — including a school bombing that killed 160 children — while the Pentagon said nothing and the children stayed dead;...

Pam Bondi ghosted a bipartisan Epstein subpoena after getting fired while Justice said her own subpoena "no longer applies" — Steve Bannon and Peter Navarro went to prison for this exact move; Iran threatened every Gulf port then offered a Strait of Hormuz pause as a peace gesture, using the same chokepoint as sword and olive branch with one week left on the ceasefire; oil cracked $100 a barrel, t...

Trump blockaded the Strait of Hormuz and is already taking Iran's calls; Eric Swalwell and Tony Gonzales resigned from Congress in the same week — one accused of rape, one of coercive texting a staffer who later killed herself, both citing process and God's plan respectively; Trump feuded with Pope Leo XIV, called him soft on crime, and explained a deleted Jesus image as a medical miscommunication...

Melania Trump held an unprompted press conference to announce she barely knew Jeffrey Epstein, while 200 Justice Department attorneys worked overtime to ensure the files named after him tell you nothing; Trump threatened to abandon NATO, Netanyahu killed 303 people and called it diplomacy; Pete Hegseth's "fortified" base turned out to be tin shacks where survivors bled out and stole a car to reach...

Donald Trump threatened to erase Iranian civilization on Tuesday, brokered a ceasefire by Tuesday night that doesn't cover Lebanon, and Pete Hegseth and Iran both declared victory over the same deal that got worse the closer you looked — no inspectors, no enrichment caps, a $2 million toll booth where a free strait used to be, and Barack Obama's verified nuclear freeze traded for a handshake and a...

Donald Trump threatened to obliterate Kharg Island on Truth Social while Iran denied any peace talks existed and thousands of U.S. troops loaded into the region anyway; the Supreme Court scheduled April 1st arguments on birthright citizenship, a case the administration is defending with Confederate-era white supremacist legal theory the Court already rejected in 1898; measles hit 1,566 Americans a...

The Treasury published its own insolvency report and the press missed it entirely; America owes $136 trillion when you count the obligations the government keeps off the books, and federal accountants haven't been able to sign off on the numbers in 29 consecutive years; Iran told Trump the peace plan was excessive and Karoline Leavitt promised hell while the 82nd Airborne loaded up for a region wh...

Trump held a press conference and declared victory over Iran four times in thirty-nine minutes while also wanting a ceasefire, not wanting a ceasefire, and sending Marines with no boots on the ground; a white plumber with an associate degree is now running Homeland Security because DEI is the problem; the president mailed his ballot two days after calling mail-in voting cheating; he ordered Republ...

Donald Trump broke the airports, then deployed ICE agents who can't screen luggage to fix them; the administration paid a French oil company $928 million to stop building wind farms, announced the death of subsidies with a straight face, and called it energy independence; Iran and America are either negotiating or lying about negotiating while 2,000 people are dead and Jared Kushner holds the pen;...

Donald Trump got ghosted by all thirty-two NATO allies for a war he started, then declared he never needed them — from inside a meeting with Ireland, a country not in NATO; the administration's anti-war conscience turned out to be an antisemite, which tracks; the president who ran on ending migrant farm labor quietly slashed migrant farmworker wages to fix the shortage his deportations caused; Jea...

Tonight: A ghost supreme leader nobody's seen since his own coronation choked off 20% of the world's daily oil supply, Energy Secretary Chris Wright told America it's a "weeks not months" problem while Brent crude screamed 25% higher and Bahrain declared force majeure, Sen. Ron Johnson single-handedly killed the Major Richard Star Act because a $39 trillion debt he helped build suddenly became a m...

Tonight: Donald Trump called a 12-day Middle East war a "short-term excursion" while simultaneously declaring "we haven't won enough" and suggesting Iran bombed its own girls' school with an American Tomahawk missile, Pete Hegseth gutted civilian casualty protocols in the name of lethality and the Pentagon's own investigators concluded outdated U.S. targeting data killed 165 children in Minab, a D...

Tonight: Donald Trump launched a war via Truth Social and called it a "short-term excursion" while his own Pentagon declared it had "Only Just Begun to Fight," Pete Hegseth's department spent $98,000 on a grand piano and $6.9 million on lobster tail during the same month he called fat generals unacceptable, a Trump-appointed judge found ICE formally adopted racial profiling as policy and wrote 111...

Tonight: Donald Trump described an active war on Iran as a "short-term excursion" while claiming veto power over Tehran's next supreme leader, Lindsey Graham threatened Saudi Arabia for refusing to fight the war he lobbied Trump to start from a golf course, the White House spiked a joint FBI-DHS-NCTC terrorism bulletin warning of Iranian proxy attacks on U.S. soil because the writing needed work,...

Tonight: Russia handed Iran the GPS coordinates of American troops while Pete Hegseth called Moscow "not really a factor," the U.S. military acknowledged it likely killed 160 people — including scores of schoolgirls — in a strike the Pentagon described as "probably ours," the economy shed 92,000 jobs while December's reported gains quietly became losses and Scott Bessent changed tariff policy mid-...

Tonight: Donald Trump fires Kristi Noem — who oversaw the shooting deaths of two American citizens, conducted a public affair with her married senior adviser, and administered polygraph tests to staffers she didn't trust — and rewards her with a made-up diplomatic title before nominating the only sitting senator without a bachelor's degree to run the fourth-largest federal agency while the country...

Tonight: Mike Johnson stands before reporters and announces the United States is not at war with Iran four days after the president named the operation, promised American casualties, and the Defense Secretary used the word "war" on camera twice before lunch, Pete Hegseth screens periscope footage of a torpedo splitting a ship carrying 180 people and describes the 148 deaths as a "quiet death" beca...

Tonight: Donald Trump kills Iran's supreme leader and its entire replacement bench in the same strike package and explains from the Oval Office that the next guy might be worse, Kash Patel fires America's Iran intelligence unit four days before America goes to war with Iran because personal loyalty outranks national security and always will, Kristi Noem sits before the Senate for four hours and de...