Nightly News Roundup

A napkin's what's left of the workers' share of the economy, lowest since the year the Depression started. Trump renames a lake nobody outside America recognizes, then sends the bill to a golf course in D.C. while wildfire crews abandon the front lines to polish a fountain. RFK Jr. lies to Congress about Samoa, eighty-three kids die anyway, and he still runs Health and Human Services. DeSantis lau...

A Navy captain's rape gets filed as a workplace injury. The Kennedy Center can't survive without Trump's name bolted to it. Pirro tries to erase Bannon's conviction with a Post-it note. Hegseth fires the general who wouldn't bury the Kid Rock chopper probe, promotes the guy who delivered the threat. Trump calls Hormuz "very functioning" between rocket strikes, then vows to bomb Oman anyway. Iran l...

The Dolly Parton Episode. Only positive news. A school bus program goes permanent in Detroit, a 40-year-old bird comeback photobombs a wildfire camera, and a cancer vaccine finally lands a punch cancer can't answer. A lawyer writes 100 checks by hand, a pizza shop builds a wall out of $10 tickets, and a metal band turns a hospital boardroom into a mosh pit for one very happy patient. Dolly gets th...

Trump makes 3,600 trades in 90 days, clears $750 million before the regulators he runs catch up. Axon spikes, ICE buys tasers. Nvidia spikes, China buys chips. Six tech giants spike, the AI plan drops. Eric and Don Jr. call war profiteering "patriotic capitalism" and cash $3.2 billion in contracts. United, Delta, TurboTax, and Toyota buy their rules back for a million apiece. A judge calls the IRS...

Rollins guts the Roadless Rule while Trump paints Hormuz blue and calls it America. Pirro loses twice in one week. Rubio sanctions the prosecutors chasing actual war criminals. Bessent hands cartels and condo-buyers a shredder. Bond yields hit 2007 levels. Eight kids, one toilet, one fence. Tape rolls. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Trump admits his Reflecting Pool sabotage story had no proof, then keeps blaming an Olympian anyway. The DOJ can't document its own Epstein redactions. Lauren Boebert's son faces child exploitation charges. Salmonella jalapeños hit 26 states. Twenty-one straight court losses over phantom voter fraud. Fifty-nine ICE agents made a very bad list. Tape rolls. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for...

El-Sayed's Senate primary win drags out 2001-era Islamophobia while gas and grocery prices stay untouched. Trump claims a ballroom ruling threatens lives while secretly building a bunker underneath. July's jobs report buries 103,000 positions and calls it stability. ICE gets body cameras with a self-serve delete button. And eleven of Trump's lawyers rack up disbarments, guilty pleas, and $148 mill...

Trump pardons a $205 million Medicare fraudster while blaming immigrants for the crime, then guts the 14th Amendment on his way out the door. Gaza's peace plan turns out to be a bunker with a getaway route. The FCC skyboxes with the company it's supposed to regulate, and SpaceX drops 13% the same day its space junk drops on the moon. Tape rolls. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more info...

Oil giants bank $93 billion while the planet burns, and Trump's spies stack up in Cuba like an invasion in slow motion. A judge unconvicts an Oath Keeper while mourning democracy in the same breath. RFK Jr. torches his own vaccine advice, and a Teacher of the Year lands in ICE custody straight off the tarmac. Tape rolls. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Capital One blames a money laundering review for dumping Trump's accounts, two months after eating a fine for having no laundering program at all. Jeanine Pirro drops charges against an innocent Olympian and gets called weak for it. The Pentagon crowdsources a war exit strategy over email, and Canada burns while Trump teases a punishment like a season finale. Tape rolls. Hosted on Acast. See acast...

Cooper plans two more weeks of war, Trump threatens to withdraw his own AG pick out of spite, and the State Department can't locate Africa on a map it made itself. Kash Patel loses to a guy who called him a chud, four horses get gilded for $5 million, and a wiped phone becomes a federal case. Tape rolls. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Thune threatens Christmas in session, Trump campaigns for himself in Michigan, and a food festival becomes shooting 271. Hegseth watches generals fall like it's Westeros, Trump asks the Supreme Court to shrink the electorate, fake ICE agents kidnap a driver in Oregon, and the Pentagon reshuffles its dead. Tape rolls. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Four dead soldiers vanish from the Pentagon's spreadsheet, then reappear once reporters ask questions. Iran hits back after twelve nights of strikes, the EU fines Google and gets tariff threats for it, and a court filing catches the White House admitting it torched clean energy grants over an election. Hegseth hands out testosterone to some troops and takes it as a reason to ban others. LeBron tra...

Trump says Iran hasn't suffered enough on night twelve of bombing, while a Florida prophet insists God opened a wifi portal over Mar-a-Lago instead. Musk admits he got "carried away" gutting foreign aid, a judge calls DOJ's subpoenas sloppy, and the White House taxes 80 countries under a dead 1974 law. Measles hits a 35-year high, and Tesla and Alphabet drag the Nasdaq down together. Tape rolls. H...

Trump sues the BBC and a judge hands him a subpoena boomerang, cracking open 400 companies and one very nervous blind trust. Hegseth warns Congress about Middle Eastern nukes on Tuesday, then Wednesday hands Saudi Arabia the enrichment keys anyway. 105.8 million Americans sit out the labor force, more than Covid, more than 2008. An Epstein-linked model scout dies days before questioning. The House...

Iran calls America ISIS while trading airstrikes for the ninth straight day, and the Houthis pile on with a Red Sea blockade for good measure. Taylor Farms lettuce gives thousands of Americans explosive diarrhea, then buys its way to a magic false positive. The FBI stops investigating ICE shootings so ICE can grade its own homework. The Tate brothers get arrested again for the same old reasons. A...

A president delivers a Gettysburg Address for people who failed history, complete with an election that's rigged, secure, and rigged again depending on who's counting. A 278,000-voter fraud claim gets pulled from somewhere the sun doesn't reach. Fox News airs a speech it once paid three-quarters of a billion dollars to regret. A mail-in ballot skeptic votes exclusively by mail, as does his entire...

A press secretary returns from leave to defend a nursery and a crime scene in the same breath. An island gets bombed for the sixth straight night while a rental-car economy idles at the pump. An attorney general nominee finds time for justice only after his job's on the line. A vice president's kid gets a $24,000 helicopter ride to golf practice. A president shrinks the map by three million acres...

An attorney general nominee turned six million pages into a percentage point and called it a win. A Pentagon overhaul finds its real target: middle-aged testosterone. A president joins the inflation hall of shame two presidents warned him about. A House majority protects a weapons pipeline nobody in the room will defend out loud. Two justices explain what body armor teaches a nine-year-old. Lincol...

A president who called himself a non-payer finally paid up. His former lawyer runs the DOJ like an enemies list with a seating chart. A senator's sister inherited a seat and a decade of grudges by Tuesday morning. The Reflecting Pool got drained and found two suspiciously symmetrical scars. A billionaire's million-dollar checks bought nothing but a DA referral. Thursday brings a rerun nobody asked...

We're baaaacccckkkkk A federal agent killed a man in Biddeford while his daughter watched in Bluey pajamas. Trump blockaded a strait he called open and sent Iran the bill anyway. Thursday brings a mystery speech nobody ordered. A grieving sister inherited a Senate seat and a decade of insults. A judge caught Trump suing himself and losing on purpose. Hegseth built a taskforce to punish reporters f...

Trump swatted a fly and it was the smartest thing on stage. Vance took the blame before the ink dried. Electric bills hit survival territory and nobody's coming to help. The Fed chair tanked the Dow on day one. A baby died over diapers and the cop went on paid leave. Some nights the news writes the eulogy. Other nights it just writes the bill. Tape rolls. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for...

Kash Patel blew an active terror investigation for an X post. The Trump administration's answer to medical debt is more debt. Congress gave veterans a raise by cutting their benefits and named it accordingly. The DOJ's civil rights division sued a city for compensating victims of racism. The Reflecting Pool is a chemical hazard. Special education got shuffled to agencies that are also gutted. DOGE...

Trump closed an Iran deal worth $324 billion for a shipping lane Iran already owned. The Reflecting Pool turned green four days after a $14.2 million fix. RFK Jr. broke the vaccine committee and now needs it back before flu season. Rural voters are figuring out the math. A B-52 went down at Edwards. Eight crew members are believed dead. Some days the satire writes itself. Other days it crashes int...

The Situation Room got a new agenda: how do you spin a birthday card where the President signed his name across a cartoon woman's crotch as a gift to a child rapist. The Justice Department memo was supposed to close the Epstein file. Instead it blew the lid off a septic tank. JD Vance believes in a secret cabal of elite predators — his colleagues confirmed it — his colleagues are also the ones run...