Make Your Damn Bed

Our brains are future oriented and this can manifest into anxiety or anticipation if we're not strategic with it. Obviously, our current society has a lot of us focused on survival, which means most of our future thinking is filled with dread and hopelessness. This means we MUST deliberately create anticipation through planning small things that we can look forward to. Looking forward to something...

Hindsight is 20/20, but understanding the person you used to be (without the knowledge you have now) is so damn hard. Give yourself some grace in the learning process. You're not stupid, you're learning. SOURCES: https://youtu.be/2y5NfYwoTeo?si=vyyHCtptsSH7zpcj https://verybigbrain.com/psychology-thinking/the-curse-of-knowledge-why-experts-struggle-to-explain-simple-things/ https://en.wikipedia.or...

The squeaky wheel gets the grease. THE SOURCES: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-squeaky-wheel/202608/why-people-disappoint-us-in-relationships https://psychology-spot.com/cognitive-miser-definition https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cognitive_mise https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Streetlight_effect Read Julie's Medium Blog . Support JULIE (and the show!) Support + get some bonus stuff over on...

A policeman sees a drunk man searching for something under a streetlight and asks what the drunk has lost. He says he lost his keys and they both look under the streetlight together. After a few minutes the policeman asks if he is sure he lost them here, and the drunk replies, no, and that he lost them in the park. The policeman asks why he is searching here, and the drunk replies, "this is where...

the human brain doesn't prefer to expend extra cognitive effort, it will always take a shortcut, where possible. the less you analyze this reality, the more likely you are to fall into "cognitive laziness" which can reinforce stereotypes and keep us trapped in limiting world views. THE SOURCES: https://psychology-spot.com/cognitive-miser-definition/ https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cognitive_miser Re...

Forgiveness is not an all-or-nothing process. You can partially release by choosing to stop ruminating, and even if you don’t feel entirely at peace yet, it is important to recognize that you have made meaningful progress. Every step you take away from feeling resentment is a step toward your sense of freedom. - Kinga Mnich, PhD   1. Know exactly what you are forgiving 2. Commit to forgiving...

if morality is flexible and competence is subjective, how can we build self esteem around our values? Your ability to perceive society as "just" also affects your ability to regard yourself. The more internally motivated you are (outside of systemic expectations) the more you have to rely on competence over community + morality judgements. THE SOURCES: https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article...

Self respect is a practice, not a vibe. Self respect isn't about the big wins making us feel big, but the small, consistent acts that make us feel like ourselves. The more small, value aligned choices we make, the more respect we earn for ourselves. THE SOURCE: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/social-instincts/202601/why-self-respect-is-so-powerful Read Julie's Medium Blog . Support JULIE (...

Self respect has nothing to do with the approval of others, or reputation, but it is about discipline and honesty and doing the brave thing. Facing accountability is self respect. Assessing risks worth taking and taking them, is self respect. Facing the things you've ignored is self respect. "It is the phenomenon sometimes called alienation from self. In its advanced stages, we no longer answer th...

forgiveness requires a willingness to move beyond our negative feelings. fortunately, we are predisposed to heal + forgiveness is a big part of that. we just need to create the conditions to allow our natural mechanisms to function. R — Recall the Hurt: Honestly remember the transgression, without minimizing or maximizing it. This is not rumination but a clear-eyed acknowledgment of what happened...

forgiveness isn't excusing harmful behavior, and it surely isn't forgetting. forgiveness is about your personal healing journey. it's not about absolving them, but instead, it's about reclaiming your agency. THE SOURCE: https://positivepsychology.com/neuroscience-of-forgiveness/ https://www.neurologylive.com/view/neurobiology-forgiveness Read Julie's Medium Blog . Support JULIE (and the show!) Sup...

are you avoiding danger or discomfort? To figure this out you can: name the threat identify your feelings learn to identify true threats vs. discomfort practice responding with a stretch rather than reacting with a snap. rehearse new endings to similar stories It may take some practice to build up your capacity for peace and safety. THE SOURCE: https://www.instagram.com/reel/DbLwPVqOpzH/ Read Juli...

Self-awareness is a tool to help you live, not the entire point of living. Every single thing we do, think, and say is a form of spellwork. We are energetic beings who release and absorb energies with every second that passes. Naturally there will be some unavoidable energetic interruptions that we will have no control over, but there are countless forms of energy that we nurture or ignore dependi...

Sometimes the kindest and wisest thing you can do in a relationship is clearly and concisely distance yourself from it until you figure out how to navigate it more appropriately.  To develop a robust grief process we must 1. Mourn what is lost. 2. Name what is good. 3. Release what was not.  Stepping back, creating distance, and taking space are crucial aspects to the healing process.&nb...

Forgiveness doesn’t mean forgetting everything they did and letting them back in. It means you’ve stopped poisoning yourself trying to hurt them. SOURCE: https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/adult-health/in-depth/forgiveness/art-20047692 https://envisiontherapydfw.com/forgiveness-isnt-trust-its-releasing-the-burden-they-left-behind/ Read Julie's Medium Blog . Support JULIE (and the show!)...

“And if happiness should surprise you again, do not mention its previous betrayal. Enter into happiness, and burst.” Mahmoud Darwish https://psychcentral.com/health/when-joy-feels-scary-resilience-building-practices#tips https://www.reddit.com/r/AskWomen/comments/kmz35o/how_did_you_get_over_the_habit_of_constantly/ https://www.instagram.com/reel/DZFuUBNgY9npG08L_36uTE6cvYNBGfT3gMxEmU0/ Read Julie'...

The goal isn't to be constantly regulated, but to understand how to regulate so you can cope with disregulation appropriately. It's about building trust with your healing self, rather than being "healed" fully in some "final" way. SOURCE: https://worthyselfcare.com/why-calm-isnt-the-goal-nervous-system-resilience-is/ https://ifs-institute.com/resources/articles/evolution-internal-family-systems-mo...

Our different parts are there to protect the true self, but these parts aren't static, permanent parts there to keep us from ourselves. Through systems thinking + the multiplicity of the mind, we can integrate these parts to center our selves and allow them to act without interference. SOURCE: https://ifs-institute.com/resources/articles/evolution-internal-family-systems-model-dr-richard-schwartz-...

There are no bad parts, only parts that need to be integrated. SOURCE: https://www.enotalone.com/article/mental-health/therapy/10-tips-to-harmonize-your-inner-world-with-ifs-therapy-r13980/ https://www.mentallyfitpro.com/c/free-therapy-worksheets/internal-family-systems-worksheets Read Julie's Medium Blog . Support JULIE (and the show!) Support + get some bonus stuff over on PATREON . Get an occas...

This is a re-release. Read Julie's Medium Blog . Support JULIE (and the show!) Support + get some bonus stuff over on PATREON . Get an occasional personal email from me: www.makeyourdamnbedpodcast.com Tune in on INSTAGRAM AND YOUTUBE or TIKTOK . Info on War Tax Resistance. Donate to the Palestinian Children's Relief Fund and the Sudan Relief Fund The opinions expressed by Julie Merica and Make You...

This episode is a re-release. "This is the economy now. Not a distribution of opportunity. A redistribution of friction. But friction isn’t the enemy!!!! It’s information. It tells us where things are straining and where care is needed and where attention should go. And it's not all bad news. Because friction is also where new systems can emerge . Every broken interface, every overloaded professor...

In the therapy aspect you tend to work on learning to sit with each of the parts, hearing and respecting their roles, so you can better understand your own system and how to work alongside it.  centered self: Compassionate, curious, calm, clear, courageous, confident, creative, connected. Present, patient, playful, persistent, and keeps perspective  Exiles: wounded and carrying pain. Aba...

Similarly to the Pixar movie, INSIDE OUT, where her emotions are portrayed as totally different characters that experience different experiences and roles and access different memories. In IFS therapy, they refer to these characters as parts. A majority of your parts will take on protective roles, he uses the example of managers and firefighters, but other parts carry pain or trauma from past expe...

 the challenge of the unknown > the disappoint of the familiar  you have to change some variables if you're trying a new experiment Study what you avoid. What makes you scared to act. Defensiveness is often protecting you from something you are afraid to face, but if you face it, you may realize your guard being up against it was the biggest hurdle.  Leverage your effort into lon...

If you look for the beauty in the world, you will see it in everything. The light, the sounds, the smells, the feelings. If you look for the horrors, you’ll see it in everything, too. Focus on the light so you can create and become more of it.  Study what you avoid. What makes you scared to act. Defensiveness is often protecting you from something you are afraid to face, but if you face it, y...