Lifetime Watchalong with Audrey & Louise

Tiffani Thiessen is back to suffer some severe trauma, so huge content warning as this Lifetime movie focuses on her character's rape and the tragic aftermath when nobody in her town supports her. We discuss the movie's awful decision to prioritize the rape-apologizing/bully classmate played by Brian Austin Green over Thiessen, the worst soundtrack we've ever heard (none of the clips were edited.....

You aren't even prepared for the amount of cows in this film. It focuses on beauty queen/cow lover Courtney Thorne-Smith's deadly obsession with the blandest man alive, played by Kyle Secor. It's like a bad version of Drop Dead Gorgeous but it had its charms, although they are tainted by its misrepresentation of a true story (but what else should we expect from Lifetime at this point?) Music: They...

Kellie Martin is back, playing a high schooler who might have been kidnapped as a child so she must figure out the truth about her birth family and come to terms with her complicated emotions! It's a message film without a good message but features a strangely stacked cast including Jill Clayburgh, Richard Masur, and Edward Herrmann. Take a shot every time someone says 'milk' or 'carton' in this m...

If you've ever wanted to hear Tony Danza do a Southern accent, then this is the movie for you! He and Pamela Reed play parents to a teenage girl who is found brutally murdered but since nobody seems to know who the killer is, they team up with detective Ving Rhames. We found this to be a surprisingly well-made movie that handled its true crime story rather respectfully. Topics include why we think...

We discuss yet another domestic violence-based movie that is (not suprisingly) pretty tasteless and quite unmemorable. Donna Mills plays a woman who must escape her abusive husband (Corbin Bernsen) but he always finds a way to track her down. Topics include a mobile phone in a jail cell, why we'll never eat potato salad again, the reasons why Robin Givens' character deserved better, the Witness Pr...

We had differing opinions on this true crime story of a high schooler (Kellie Martin) so desperate for popularity and acceptance that she murders the head mean girl (Tori Spelling). Our discussion includes comparisons between this movie and Heathers in their reflections on social pressures in school leading to dangerous consequences, why the narrative being from the perspective of the killer is pr...

We were really looking forward to Lifetime's feminist take on Arthurian legend but it unfortunately did not work for us like we wanted, especially with a cast comprised of Sheryl Lee, Noah Wyle, Donald Pleasence, and Brid Brennan. Since this movie is not widely available, there are no audio clips in this episode :( Music: They All Become Blueberries - Tiger Gang Mysterious Grove - Cast of Characte...

Yet another trigger warning for this episode, about a woman (Jaclyn Smith) who quickly falls for a steroid-happy cop (Brad Johnson) but things escalate out of control and she must take matters into her own hands. We discuss the insane acting choices in this movie and why that helped make it more entertaining, why we're truly getting frustrated with Lifetime's '90s "true story/true crime" genre (an...

We close out 1993 with a dark movie (trigger warning for this episode's topics) about a family that must grapple with their emotions and the legal system after their 12-year old daughter (Allison Mack) is raped. This episode is on the shorter side since we didn't find much to talk about outside of our disappointment in the way the subject matter was handled but the titular mother's revenge is quit...

Major trigger warning for this film as it deals with domestic violence - and not very respectfully, in our opinions. Maryanne (Joanna Kerns) must leave her abusive husband (Tim Matheson) but struggles with the courts to gain custody of her two children in the process. Music: They All Become Blueberries - Tiger Gang Mysterious Grove - Cast of Characters

Our last movie of 2024 centers around a pickpocket (Mary Stuart Masterson) and her niece becoming involved with a mall security guard (Mark Ruffalo) during the week of Christmas. We both ended up loving this movie and thought it was perfectly sweet and festive! Our discussion covers topics from the excellent chemistry between Masterson and Ruffalo, all of the crazy plot points that occur, and our...

A city councilwoman (Shelley Long) tries to put a stop to Santa (Bruce Kirby) in their small town, against her son's wishes. We discuss why this might be the weirdest interpretation of Santa Claus (and not just because he's pro-Nixon??), the fact that it contains one of the craziest plot twists ever, our annoyance with Lifetime's insistence that careerwomen should be villainized for their dedicati...

Lifetime's first Christmas movie is a '90s female-led version of A Christmas Carol starring Susan Lucci as Ebbie Scrooge. We talk about the erm... unique ... interpretations of the story/characters since the narrative doesn't translate very well in a "modern" setting, and why we side with this intrepretation of Scrooge. Music: They All Become Blueberries - Tiger Gang Mysterious Grove - Cast of Cha...

Another based-on-a-true-story about Richard Farley (Richard Thomas)'s obsession with new co-worker Laura Black (Brooke Shields) turning deadly. Major content warning, as this movie deals with stalking, harassment, and gun violence - we talk about whether or not the film deals with them respectfully. Music: They All Become Blueberries - Tiger Gang Mysterious Grove - Cast of Characters

We're kicking off Lifetime's 1993 contributions with one of THREE TV movies made about Amy Fisher, a teenager who shot the wife of an older man she was groomed by. This one presents an entirely positive portrayal of Joey Buttafuoco by manipulating the facts and turning Fisher into a calculating seductress. Topics include the inappropriately campy performances from Alyssa Milano and Jack Scalia tha...

We're back with another spooky Satanic movie reminiscent of Rosemary's Baby but with some deep Catholic themes. After her mother dies, a woman (Kim Delaney) meets a mysterious man (Thomas Gibson) who might be related to a series of strange circumstances that have started occuring in her life. Along with our guest Zeus, we discuss whether or not the religious aspects are handled well, Matthew Lilla...

We are back for spooky season and with our friend Zeus as a guest to discuss the satanic panic movie, Midnight's Child . A creepy Swedish au pair (Olivia D'Abo) tears a family apart with ulterior motives in mind. Our conversation covers topics like the disappointing lack of Satan throughout, uncomfortable family dynamics, the crazy parallels between this movie and popular horrors that followed, wh...

In this episode we cover a true story about a teenage girl (Tiffani Thiessen) who is murdered and her mother (Patty Duke) sets out to find her killer. We continue to ponder over Lifetime's obsession with turning true crime into semi-trashy movies. Luckily this one is slightly elevated by Duke's strong performance and a properly scary villain but unfortunately falls apart theme- and plot-wise on fu...

This absurdly titled Lifetime flick is based on a true story about a woman (Veronica Hamel) who kidnaps a baby from a single mother (Nancy McKeon) to keep her husband (Michael Madsen) from divorcing her. This might be our most entertaining movie for the podcast yet! We talk about everything from the hilarious dialogue, Madsen and David Duchovny's insane acting choices, how little sense the actual...

This is a very special episode because we are doing a double feature! The films focus on the life and trial of Betty Broderick (Meredith Baxter, in an Emmy-nominated performance), who murdered her ex-husband Dan (Stephen Collins) and his new wife Linda (Michelle Johnson). We do a deep dive into the movies' cherry-picking of events and why we found their selections harmful in relation to the real-l...

Our first movie of 1992 is quite a tear-jerker; based on the true story of five children whose mother (Sarah Jessica Parker) sends them to foster parents (Sally Struthers and John Dennis Johnston) who want to adopt them, leading to a legal battle that received nationwide attention in the late '80s. This movie stood out to us due to the strong performances, especially from the kids, but we discuss...

We close out Lifetime's 1991 catalogue with a star-studded cast and dramatic storyline. Ellie (Reese Witherspoon) finds an abused and hard of hearing girl named Alice (Patricia Arquette) locked in a shed. She and her brother (William McNamara) work to help educate Alice and rescue her from her situation. Despite the film's best efforts, we found it has not aged well and discuss what alterations co...

The most predictable Lifetime movie we've covered so far and also the worst. After Victoria (Susan Lucci)'s friend is murdered, she becomes the prime suspect. Along with her husband Michael (Tim Matheson), she works to find out who the real killer is. We discuss the nonsensical plot structure and character motivations, how normalized cheating is within the story, why Randy the private investigator...

Our fifth Lifetime movies takes us all the way to Australia, where Leonie (Linda Blair) quickly becomes attached to a mysterious weirdo (Jerome Ehlers) while a serial killer is on the loose. Join us as we attempt to navigate the three different plots, talk about what does and does not work in lovers-on-the-run stories, Lifetime's obsession with murder (and why that aspect makes no sense in this mo...

Our first Lifetime movie directed by a woman tells the true crime case of Pamela Smart (Helen Hunt) who manipulates a teenager (Chad Allen) into killing her husband Gregg (Hank Stratton). We also discuss To Die For , the 1995 Gus Van Sant movie inspired by the same story. We talk in depth about the actual case and the accuracies of Murder in New Hampshire . Both filmic interpretations have convolu...