Hilda's Shoulder

A crutch is any device that is used to aid mobility. Women should not use their relationships / marriages as crutches on the journey to self fulfilment. Self- fulfilment, purpose ,happiness emanate from self.

If you find yourself in a relationship that feels like a game of chess - its a good idea to confirm your feelings. A relationship should not be a power play. Exiting such a relationship may be one of the best ways to save you from emotional turmoil.

We need to learn that we cannot own people the way we own earthly things. We cannot "train" the way you would a dog. We can only encourage them to be the best version of themselves and embrace their individuality.

Sometimes, we look back in time and wonder why our partner or spouse has changed. It may be that they actually changed or we ourselves saw them differently. What is of importance is to manage our expectations of them and deal with who they are, not who we want them to be.

When you give expression to what you really want from your partner / spouse, your happiness level goes up a notch!

The feeling of being fulfilled in a relationship or marriage only comes when we have our head and heart boxes being ticked. A lot of people are unfulfilled because they may not be giving expression to their real wants. Dig deep to know what it is you really want out of the union!

We are often blindsided into believing that it is only we our spouse /partner is more like us that the relationship will reach meaningful heights. We must do the work and find out how to reach our significant other ,whilst also making ourselves available to be found by them!

Doing appraisals doesn't end at work. We must appraise our relationships too,so we dont lose or waste emotional energy, time and probably money. We must endeavour to go for what is best for us and not wallow in forever sad,painful, or messyland!

Sometimes we fall in Love, not with the person ,but with the idea of falling in Love,we may also marry because of the idea of marriage and not really for the right / good reasons. Through self knowledge - knowing who are are and what we really want, is the first step in nurturing a lasting marriage or relationship.

Everything is life has to do with balance. Balancing who we are and what other's expect us to be is key - If we are to have sound mental health.

I got some questions and comments from some listeners after my last podcast on Polygamy. I'm talking about the "heart" of the woman in polygamy,etc in this final part.

Yule Edochie - a renowned Nigerian Actor inspired this podcast because he recently married a second wife and revealed that they had a Son. If you have thoughts about going into polygamy or you're just curious about it - then you should listen to this podcast.

It's definitely the way to go,to be true to self! We continually hurt ourselves emotionally, when we do not have boundaries or our other half doesn't see them or respect them. We owe it to our mental health to have boundaries and to stand by them.

Culture and religion have and still play roles in the level of acceptance of domestic abuse by women. Toxic shame and ostracisation are some of the fears that women have ,that prevents them from leaving abusive marriages. This should end! Women should not value averting shame over their lives!

By the day our knowledge of our significant other grows and with it may come some growing levels of discontent. If your feelings of discontent and hatred seem to be growing - You need to listen to this podcast! Nothing good ever comes from a home or relationship filled with strong negative emotions

Can Loving someone be too much? Is it wise to Love anyone to that point? What are are your thoughts? Listen to this podcast to find out.

Is the chemical of Love low or high in your system? Do you keep experiencing unrequited Love? ....Listen to this podcast then!

Find out whether you or your partner is co-dependent and how hopefully either of you can move forward from it

No one and nothing should ever define your outward or inner beauty. You are so unique in every way that there is no comparison !

So much premium is placed on looks by especially social media that there is a tendency for women to feel inadequate. Women should de- emphasise the gravity of social media and society's " you look good" and open their eyes to see the beauty that is more than skin deep.

Partners or spouses might not be able to fill the void of our Love tank. Only in loving ourselves completely can we truly give and receive Love.

Being a partner or spouse shouldnt be a chore or a "shift" The little spaces in between a relationship actually forestall boredom and monotony. Partners / Spouses get to remember what made them get together in the first place when there periods of being away from each other.

The expectations that the Naija women should "blend- in" with her partner or spouse and remain blended -in leads to a monotony in the relationship or marriage. "Me time" is almost non existent not to talk of "space". Sadly,it is this much needed space that brings newness and vibrance into the relationship.

Talking about being with someone or being married to them means amongst others ,understanding where they are coming from . Childhood experiences make their mark on people. When the experience is bad - abusive the effects continue into adulthood. The negative words / abuse by parents become a jury and executioner in the lives of children and which metamorphosis culminates into mental health illness...

For some men the mention of the period is a turn off. Some of them don’t let their women cook or sleep with them on the same bed. For some women they feel a sense of shame and are very secretive about their periods. Loving a woman means loving her warts and all and distancing yourself from her because she is in her period.