Hey, We Fixed Your Game

Earlier today I watched that The Pedestrian horror movie that Blumhouse made, starring the stick guy from that 2008 Animator vs. Animation video. Damn that guy can act. Starting to think this whole flat earth thing kinda makes sense. (00:00) Intro (04:09) What is The Pedestrian (16:17) First fix! (49:30) WHAT ELSE?! Opening Theme: “Austin” by Zackery Wilson ( ⁠⁠https://www.zackerywilson.com/⁠⁠ )

An old Poker dealer is teaching his grandson about life. “A fight is going on inside me,” he says to the boy. “It is a terrible fight and it is between two apes. One is calm, strong, and perseverant. The other is just a dumb effing big monkey.” The grandson thinks about it for a minute and then asks his grandfather, “Which ape will win?” However, the grandfather doesn't hear the question becau...

Bad news is: you're dead! Good news is: you're not alone! With Dwight and Caleb at the helm of a seaworthy city block, you can look forward to a purgatory filled with manual labor, elite military training for when you rise again to take revenge on the U.S. Navy, and a whole lot of micro-games. (00:00) Sensitive content disclaimer (00:33) Intro (01:11) What is Spiritfarer? (15:42) First fix...

Hey guys, Dwight here. I just wanted to say that today, in real life, I shaved my face while listening to Chowder Man's "Ready to Shave" and it was a spiritual experience. (00:00) THE THUNDERSNEEZE (00:44) Intro (01:59) What is Hypnospace Outlaw? (07:47) The part where we fix the game (54:50) WHAT ELSE?! Opening Theme: “Austin” by Zackery Wilson ( ⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.zackerywilson.com/⁠⁠...

Now introducing Just Dance: Tunic Edition ! Coming in at a stunning 0.0083 FPS, this brand-new interpretive dancing game is the hottest thing to hit your Playstation EyeToy since 2003. You'll have your very own furry awakening GUARANTEED or your money back! Ready to fire up the nuclear terminals of your sex life? Then slam the [~?] key on your runic-nonsense keyboard and get moving! Thanks to...

Introducing the brand new Skyrim Smart Fridge™! Just climb right inside and let Tamriel’s icy winds chill you to your bones. And turn on phone notifications to be alerted whenever A NEW HAND TOUCHES THE ICE DISPENSER. DISCLAIMER: The Skyrim Smart Fridge™ is not large enough to play golf inside of. We are not liable for any accidental Snoop Dogg summonings. Skyrim Smart Fridge™ is an affiliate bran...

It's that time of year again, and what better way to celebrate 2023's greatest games than by picking our favorites and merging them into a barely recognizable inbred chimera? Cozy up by the fire with your loved ones and a warm cup of joe as we welcome 2024 by heralding the Game to end all games (and maybe the world). Opening Theme: “Austin” by Zackery Wilson (https://www.zackerywilson.com/...

There's only one thing we love more than podcasting — the crisp, delicious taste of Joja Cola. That's why we're proud to announce the official Hey We Fixed Your Game sweepstakes for a lifetime supply of FREE JOJA COLA!!! To enter, you must do the following: Steal Pierre's identity, home, and family Resurrect a dead body Put on the forbidden verbal abuse hat Craft a Winchester rifle...

The gods are real. They walk among us. They pass us on the streets, stand next to us in the grocery store, sit next to us on the bus. They’re just like you and me. Except they’ve got humongous schlongs. And Caleb is here to sing you a song about it. Special thanks to our friends Hadleigh and Phoebe for helping us pass the Bechdel test! Opening Theme: “Austin” by Zackery Wilson ( https://www.zacker...

We're traveling back in time to 2012 in search of two things: a good therapist who isn't secretly evil and a couple million dollars in Kickstarter funding. Also, during this episode you can open the game menu to switch back and forth between Caleb and Dwight. (00:00) Processing Collin's Death (03:57) Intro (06:12) Explaining Bioshock 2 (17:45) Fixing Bioshock 2 (24:30) Explaining Broke...

For Halloween this year, we desired only one thing: The Old Data. We thought it would save us. We thought it would give us power. But we had to make sacrifices to get it. Now, look at all we've lost. 300 ringworms. 1 million fortune cookies. Countless garage sale moms. One perfect bowl of chicken primavera. And in the end, our only reward was pain. And a canonically-dead guest host. RIP Collin...

Introducing Slay the Spire’s new Muppet Mayhem DLC! Help Kermit bust unions and subdue the populace through trickle-down economics. Not to mention, this DLC comes with brand new hardware! Experience the majesty of REALTASTE(™) technology as you Sodastream your Nalgene full of all kinds of extremely alcoholic potions. Don’t be dainty, just grow some orbs and shotgun that sludgy, brown liquid! After...

A recent archaeological dig has revealed a slew of new information about the ancient Tower of Babel story, and oh boy, it's some wild stuff. Apparently the Tower of Babel was populated by dirty cuss word folks who used a mile-wide urinal, sold life insurance, and invented the world's first DuoLingo predecessor. Bazinga! Thanks to our friend Isaac for helping us with our grand translation e...

Have you heard Chert's Soundcloud mixtape? It's a masterpiece. Really recontextualized the way I think about atoms. Also, Chert's skin is so smooth. You can hear it in the way he says yuh . Favorite tracks: LOOP GOOP, FISH BOOBS, and SPACE BUGATTI Least favorite track: KISSY CTHULU LIPS Final score: 9/10 (00:00) The Time Loop Meta (04:10) Intro (05:58) What is Outer Wilds? (10:28) Seri...

I was looking at everyone’s Google Calendar to schedule a BG3 sesh, and my platonic work friend Gale has the entire month of September blocked out for “truck consumption.” WTF? Also, thanks to our friend Erik for performing the help action on this episode! Opening Theme: “Austin” by Zackery Wilson ( https://www.zackerywilson.com/ )

Behold! 100 little Bill Clintons! They're following you around. They're helping you flirt with 90s cartoon characters. They're scooping the toxic purple liquid out of your basement. It's just 100 tiny Bills with microscopic little Clinton butts. But what they lack in booty they make up for in dandori. Knock knock... Opening Theme: “Austin” by Zackery Wilson ( https://www.zackerywil...

Imagine a world of spaghetti. A world whose bathroom stalls have no doors. A world where Sebastian the crab sings you to sleep. A world where everywhere you look, you see the Windows XP default wallpaper. This is the future that the Libertarian party wants for you. Are you scared? You should be. Opening Theme: “Austin” by Zackery Wilson ( https://www.zackerywilson.com/ )

Gex. Wishbone. Aslan. Air Bud. What do these famous animals have in common? They’re all invited to the sick music festival that me and Ja Rule are hosting. It’s a real music festival and definitely not an MLM that we’re using to conquer indigenous peoples. Our musical acts include Wilson from Castaway and Blathers performing an incredible Yakuza-style karaoke cutscene. All proceeds go to helping m...

We love Minecraft almost as much as we loved Steve Carrell’s performance as the Sex Asteroid in “Asteroid Sex in the Sex City.” Also, this episode was brought to you by the Arizona Tourism Board. Start the Subaru, father. We have to go to Arizona. The blocks have spoken. Opening Theme: “Austin” by Zackery Wilson ( https://www.zackerywilson.com/ )

Yahaha! Can you get me a bottle of Hennessy? Opening Theme: “Austin” by Zackery Wilson ( ⁠https://www.zackerywilson.com/⁠ )

Gather around for some royalty-free Spring Break sea shanties as we congregate on the shore and throw our fishing rods into the murky, black ocean. That’s how fishing works, right? Opening Theme: “Austin” by Zackery Wilson ( https://www.zackerywilson.com/ )

We delved too deep into the mountain. We discovered secrets that should have remained hidden. Now our minds are plagued with images of George Clooney, Paul Dano, and Roy the Koopaling. Worst of all, in our recklessness we unleashed the great beast from it’s slumber. Protect the dwarf queen. Tetris is coming for us all. Opening Theme: “Austin” by Zackery Wilson (https://www.zackerywilson.com/)

Does anybody know Neil Gaiman? We desperately want to play Fortnite with him. We heard he got the new Jesus skin after attending an in-game Death Grips concert, and we're hoping we'll get paired up with him in the new compatibility mode. Opening Theme: “Austin” by Zackery Wilson (https://www.zackerywilson.com/)