Haysnacks

People are now paying strangers — called “Uber Treats” — to go trick-or-treating for their kids while the kids stay on the couch. I joke, but for real: you upload a pic of your kid in costume, pick basic/premium/full-size candy, track the driver as they hit houses (and skip the raisin ones), and if Reese’s are out you get “free‑range” candy corn as a substitute. I love that Halloween started centu...

Guys, the scariest thing on TV right now isn't Freddy — it's inflation, energy prices, and that spooky 10-year Treasury yield. I’ll keep it quick: when the feds borrow, they sell Treasuries, the yield is the return investors get, and when yields climb, mortgage rates and other borrowing costs usually follow. That trickles into housing, business loans, prices, and even hiring — aka real-life jump-s...

Pringles is running a wild promo called “Once You Drop” — you can win a custom Pringles‑shaped metal urn and an after‑lifetime supply of chips (they say one can a week for 200 years, but actually hand you about $28K now). I love that this all traces back to Frederick Bauer asking to be buried in a Pringles can — iconic and weird, mission accomplished. We riff on the idea in today’s Morning 6‑Pack,...

Today is National Pet Obesity Awareness Day, so we gotta ask: is your dog Fluffy or is your dog fat? Turns out nearly 6 in 10 dogs and more than 6 in 10 cats are overweight or obese — that vet data ain't pretty. But we all lie to ourselves: when the vet says Buddy needs to lose eight pounds, we're like, "Whoa, you're body shaming a Labrador." Pets are relentless con artists — they polish off a bow...

Americans are absolutely in love with haunted houses — we literally pay to walk into a dark building where humans are employed to scare the crap out of us. I riff on why that weird business model works, from Depression-era basement scares to Disneyland’s Haunted Mansion flipping ghosts into theme-park glam and the horror-movie boom that turned chainsaws into a marketing plan. Then I pop open the M...

We're betting on everything — I pick up the phone and Bama announces she and her girls launched a full-on "trailer draft," basically DraftKings with more warrants, where they wager on the dumbest stuff from their lives. She’s got a big bingo bet (will an old lady win or need oxygen first — instant replay, apparently), a wager on whether a conjugal visit will turn into a “destination wedding” at a...

Turns out folks 75 and older are the richest age group in America — median net worth about $505k vs $33k for people 35 and under. I stumbled on that and, yeah, it checks out: decades of house appreciation, stock market time, and kiddos who actually left the nest. So I ripped open a Morning 6-Pack and counted down six dead-giveaway signs your grandparents are low-key loaded. We hit stuff like drivi...

Today — Oct. 12 — is National Farmers Day, so I’m yelling out to anyone who’s wrestled a tractor or basically puts a year’s work in the ground and prays the weather, markets, bugs and politics behave. I run through how farmers are simultaneously a mechanic, a vet, an accountant, a meteorologist, a logistics manager and, apparently, professional gamblers — because yeah, you plant and then hope. Thi...

I’m counting down the Morning 6-Pack — six old-school social trends that I swear should make a comeback. We zip through stuff like gathering around the radio, rocking top hats like it ain’t a stage prop, writing Victorian-style notes instead of “u up?”, snapping pics with real cameras at concerts, and waking to the glorious, relentless clang of an old alarm clock. I keep it fast, snarky, and full...

Today is both Columbus Day and Indigenous Peoples Day — so yeah, we’re celebrating the dude who “discovered” America and the folks who were already here. I joke about Columbus thinking he’d sailed to India and, spoiler, he missed it by, like, 9,000 miles. I remind people that Indigenous ancestors have been here for thousands of years, so the whole “Indians” mix-up is wild. I wish you a Happy Colum...

Sam's Club basically runs how we live now — people are literally putting garage doors straight into their pantries so they can unload bulk like it’s a sport. So we barreled through a Morning 6-Pack of the six things you should only ever buy at Sam’s Club (yep, we’re being dramatic and proud). I riff on how bulk shopping forces you to add fridges, chest freezers, and industrial shelving to your hou...

A guy plans this perfect ocean-overlook proposal with white roses, candles and a mariachi band — and some neighborhood Karen strolls in to boo the romance, yelling about permits and even shouting “go back to Mexico.” I mean, who shows up to a sunset proposal armed with complaints and civic rage? She threatens to call the cops, lectures them about park rules, and her dog literally drops a souvenir...

People are literally designing houses around Costco/Sam’s Club — yep, that tiny 2x2 “Sam’s Club door” that drops you from the garage straight into the pantry. I riff on how it lets you shove the 30-pack of sparkling water, industrial olive oil, and giant bags of rice into your house without five trips or losing circulation in your fingers. A contractor even says about half his customers ask for on...

Arkansas landed 46th on WalletHub’s Safest States list — yeah, fifth from the bottom, not exactly honor-roll material. WalletHub used 52 different metrics (crime, road safety, financial security, workplace safety, emergency preparedness — the whole shebang), so this is more than just “who’s got nicer sidewalks.” New England basically cleaned house — Vermont, Massachusetts, Maine, New Hampshire and...

A woman in Milwaukee is accused of pretending to be a substitute teacher at Rufus King High School — and yeah, students say she walked in blasting rap, dissed kids about weight, race, looks and money, and even asked if anyone had a vape or weed. I mean, we’re talking substitute or drunk uncle at Thanksgiving? How does someone get past sign-in and into third period looking for blunts instead of tea...

We're counting down the top six things you need to know for a career as a social media influencer. I'm Haystack, and I blast through six hilarious, slightly terrifying realities about turning likes into a job — from making your parents' basement look like Dubai to slapping "maxing" onto every sentence. We riff on having a million followers but no friends, the whole nudity vs. algorithm hustle, and...

The plague's getting loose and I pick up the phone like a sucker — Bama's already sure she's basically bulletproof. She walks me through her summer of medical miracles: scurvy from an all-White Claw diet, a ringworm shaped exactly like Florida, and an "internal parasite" she picked up at what she insists felt like a swim-up bar (turns out it was a flooded Waffle House). We try to figure out how an...

Elon Musk is a trillionaire again — like, back to that cartoon-villain money level. Forbes says his net worth jumped a little over $30 billion in one day thanks to stock moves at SpaceX and Tesla, which is wild. I mean, I lose money at Sam’s Club and never pull off gains like that; we’re talking numbers that stop sounding real. It’s not cash in a vault though — it’s shares, so the title can evapor...

Today is October 6 — National Taco Day — and yeah, someone actually fixed it so the holiday now falls on the first Tuesday in October, which means tacos and Taco Tuesday finally aligned. Taco Bell apparently teamed up with the National Day calendar people a few years back to make it official, because of course corporate diplomacy is a thing now. Americans chow down on more than 4.5 billion tacos a...

Today is National Coaches Day, so I’m celebrating (and low-key roasting) the people who stand on the sideline yelling stuff you already knew — “Move,” “Smile,” “Keep your head up.” I riff through the best dumb-but-hilarious coaching moments from Arkansas folks like Dana Altman, John L. Smith and Sam Pittman — yeah, that legendary “I didn’t know what to do” pep talk made the highlight reel. I even...

Americans say they're sick of the "sexy" version of everything — that's the big takeaway, right up front. So we crank through a Morning 6-Pack about Halloween burnout, calling out the whole trend of turning every job into fishnets (sexy nurse, sexy cop, sexy TSA... seriously?). I poke fun at people knee-deep in Joker and Harley Quinn clones and defend the poor pirate for once, while admitting I'm...

The new fitness flex is literally flexing — women are making biceps the new status symbol and I am here for it. I heard about a Wall Street Journal piece where folks are posting arm selfies, rocking sleeveless fits, and even doing last-minute curls before going out. One woman says people see her arms and assume she can carry all the groceries in one trip — highest form of strength, right? Hollywoo...

We’re counting down the Morning 6-Pack: the top six things aliens would say if they landed on Earth today. I riff on all the space-news hype — weird radio pulses, people getting excited, and us assuming every beep means little green pilots — then we flip it into six goofy lines those aliens might drop. We joke about sneaking a peek before Putin turns the place into a disaster, ask why everything s...

Phones are wrecking restaurant vibes, so I'm all for phone-free sections, lockable pouches, or even bribing families with free ice cream to keep the glowboxes out. Feels like we're sliding from "smoking or non‑smoking" to "cell phone or non‑cell phone," and honestly, I kinda love it. On today's Morning 6-Pack I crack open six other things restaurants should dump besides phones. I roast stuff like...

McDonald's is spending $8.5 billion on a remodel and they're rolling out an AI drive‑thru called "Archie" to take orders, upsell you, and supposedly make sure your food actually ends up in the bag. They tried this with IBM a few years back and parked it, but now Archie’s back after what they jokingly call "remedial cheeseburger training." I'm skeptical — if Archie can reliably get my fries right a...