ESSAY Magazine (An International Journal of Sexaholics Anonymous)

سیلویا از همان دوران اولیه در «معتادان جنسی گمنام» (SA) مشارکت داشت و چهره‌ای کلیدی در توسعۀ ساختار خدماتیِ کنونیِ SA بود.

J'ai la chance d'avoir un thérapeute expérimenté qui a mon âge et qui a également suivi les 12 Étapes pour ses propres problèmes de dépendance ; il soutient pleinement les programmes en 12 Étapes. J'ai trouvé que ce type d'aide professionnelle extérieure était un complément très positif à mon rétablissement en SA.

J'ai commencé ce programme en 12 étapes en partant du bas de l'échelle après avoir commis un adultère. Il ne me restait plus qu'à dire : "Je connais une solution. Je vais me suicider, puis je rejetterai la faute sur les autres. Que tout est de leur faute."

Dans ma mémoire, l'expression « bon deuil » était un juron courant des personnages de la bande dessinée Peanuts. Pendant une grande partie de ma vie, j'ai utilisé cette expression pour exprimer mon étonnement, ma consternation et ma frustration, sans jamais prendre en compte la vérité profonde cachée dans cet euphémisme. Avant d'entrer dans le programme SA (21/10/1998), je vivais avec une accumula...

Sylvia a participé aux débuts des Sexoliques Anonymes (SA) et a joué un rôle de premier plan dans l'élaboration de la structure de service actuelle de SA.

Sylvia participated in the early history of Sexaholics Anonymous (SA) and was a primary figure in the development of SA’s current service structure. Jesse L. Brings SA to Oklahoma City: Sylvia joined SA in 1983. At that time, it was popular to be in a 12 Step program. She went to Al-Anon, Overeaters Anonymous, and many open AA meetings. She heard them talk about alcohol addiction and said, “I have...

In my memory, the expression “good grief” was a common expletive of the cartoon characters in Peanuts. For much of my life, I used “good grief” to express astonishment, dismay, and frustration, never considering the deeper truth hidden within the euphemism. Before I entered the SA program (10/21/1998), I lived with an accumulation of frozen grief. Only after a couple of journeys through the steps...

by Sylvia J. (at six years SA sober) with the original 1989 title Reprinted in Member Stories 2007, pages 120-123 with the title “The Only Way I Knew” When I was a little girl, about five years old, I remember sitting on my grandfather’s lap and combing his hair. It gave me such happy, good feelings. My grandfather died when I was seven. From that time on, I had trouble in school. I couldn’t conce...

I started this 12 Step program from the bottom after committing adultery. What was left was me saying, “I know a solution. I'm going to commit suicide, and then I'll blame everybody else. That it’s all their fault.”

A Legacy of Recovery through the Eyes of Those She Helped Working the Steps: First, we discussed the Steps. Second, Sylvia asked, “Are you reading the White Book or have you read the Twelve and Twelve?” This was before Step Into Action was written. I read the White Book to get the essence of the Steps and read the Twelve and Twelve to work the Steps. Third, I wrote about how I worked that particul...

I am very lucky to have an experienced therapist who is a man my age and who has also personally worked the 12 Steps for his own addiction issues; he thoroughly supports 12 Step programs. I have found this kind of outside professional help to be a very positive complement to my recovery in SA.

While every ESSAY edition is special, carefully thought out, and filled with SA recovery, we would like to describe this edition as unique. The Fellowship has had many losses in the past year. Some experienced loss in recovery for the first time. Can the Twelve Steps and the Fellowship of SA aid those grieving? 

I wept nearly every day in my first year in recovery. What a contrast with the previous 25 years, when I  acted out sexually whenever I felt sad. In doing so, I had stuffed so much grief inside me that when the dam broke, I thought the flood would never end. There was a lot of pain down there. All those losses that I had never grieved: the death of my father when I was a teenager; many lost loves;...

The January 29 reflection from The Real Connection has had a profound impact on my recovery.  I realized that for me, each step is a three A process: awareness, acceptance, and action. I’m very aware of Step One. The awareness is, “Oh, I guess I am addicted.” Actually, in Step One, I’m admitting that I have this problem. I have to accept it and write out my sexual history, the way my life is unman...

I remember what my life was like when I was living wholly in my addiction. It was as though I were in a cave, deep inside, where the light was far off, and surrounding me were damp, cold walls of stone. Gratefully and finally, I moved toward the light and found fellowship in SA. That damp, dark place was my lust addiction. I was isolated even though I was surrounded by people. In my lust, I saw pe...

I didn’t know what grief was or what it felt like before recovery. Lust numbed all my emotions, positive and negative. I rarely had feelings when pets passed away. It felt like it was just part of life. My grandma passed away when I was 16. I ended up sitting beside my grandpa and holding his hand through the funeral. I was numb and kept asking in my head, “Where are the adults? This isn’t my job....

Cesar’s videos can be viewed on the ESSAY website on the Videos Page on  https://essay.sa.org/videos/ .  Sponsor: Cesar and I joined SA around the same time. After a few months, our relationship shifted from members to sponsee and sponsor.  At first, Cesar was hesitant to join virtual meetings with his camera off because he didn’t like not being able to see the people he was sharing with. That was...

Dear ESSAY, Thank you for this topic on Grieving In Recovery. It has helped me reflect on how I cope with grief since being in recovery, compared to before.

A few years after the Flemish IG began, Luc brought up the idea of organizing a larger workshop or convention. We also looked to SA in the Netherlands for collaboration. This happened several times during workshops with old-timers. A few years ago, a tradition emerged: an annual Dutch-language convention, alternately organized by the Dutch and the Flemish IG.

When I came to SA at the beginning of January 2021, started working the Steps, and got to know my Higher Power, I thought life would no longer be difficult. As long as we are sober and with God, it can only be good, right? Well, not really.

I have a lifetime of tears that are trapped like an ocean, deep within the inside of me, The pain and the fears, and a lingering notion that one day they’ll all be set free. But for now, as new tears are gathered and added deep behind an impenetrable wall, The pressure increases as the stability decreases, awaiting the eventual fall. I am stuck in a land where no man can stand the pain that is ins...

As this headline suggests, I have lived through the deaths of my large childhood extended family, where I lived and thrived. Then, in midlife, my beloved husband died tragically. My circle shrank to my parents and grandmother, but in 2020, my cherished father and grandmother both died in lockdown, with all the severe trauma that involved at the time. Even my former acting-out partner will be dead...

“Have you worked the Steps on this issue?” Sylvia asked me that question regularly when she was my sponsor. The question stays in my head, and it comes to the surface when my Higher Power knows I need help. Seven women received many wise suggestions from Sylvia as our sponsor or as our friend. We united in our grief to have an online memorial, a memorial on Zoom, and a memorial published in the Ju...

Have you sought support to help you find the good in grief?    Jack’s in-depth article describes how unprocessed grief can greatly contribute to the addictive process. He explains how support in SA, especially from an understanding sponsor, helped him discuss the losses in his life and cultivate gratitude.  

Sharing the wisdom of David M. to help us let go, grow, and remember.  Maynardism: The opposite of love is indifference. When one is angry or critical of another, that is not indifference. That is an expression of caring. Learning to accept caring in the form of judgment is important, though rarely pleasant.