Kate Scharff
Divorce on Planet Earth: Real World Advice for Well-Intentioned Humans
Psychotherapist and divorce expert Kate Scharff, MSW has worked with separating and divorcing families for over 35 years. She's also experienced divorce herself - both as a child and as an adult. So she knows, first-hand, that divorce is more painful and destabilizing, even, than most people imagine. In this podcast Kate and her guests offer compassionate, common-sense, practical and never-preachy advice on even the toughest divorce topics. Their message? Divorce (and parenting during divorce) is tough, and you're only human. But with the right support and advice, you can navigate it so that y...
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Adults Whose Parents Split: The Invisible Children of Divorce 01.01.2024 39:07
With divorce rates rising among people who are over 50, many of today's children of divorce are adults themselves- often with families of their own. Divorcing couples often assume their grown-up kids are "just fine." But these "invisible children of divorce" are impacted just as profoundly as their younger counterparts, often in surprising and complex ways. Kate is joined by psychologist Lisa Herr...
Separating Finances in Divorce: It Doesn't Have to be a Nightmare with Debora May, CPA, CFP©, CDFA© 28.11.2023 41:58
Dividing finances in divorce- most separating couples dread it. After all, when you got married you didn't imagine having to discuss dividing all the assets you acquired during your marriage. Suddenly, the person you once shared a life with feels like an adversary. But it doesn't have to be so hard. Most people don't know that there are financial professionals with specific expertise in shepherdin...
Episode 29-Protecting Your Children in Divorce: An Update on the Latest Research, with Dr. Lisa Herrick 12.06.2022 45:44
If you’re a divorcing parent, worries about how the split will affect your kids is probably the most upsetting and scary part of the whole experience. You have lots of questions, including "Is there anything I can do to make sure my divorce doesn’t have a permanent negative impact on my children's development? According to our guest today, Dr. Lisa Herrick, the answer is a resounding "yes!"
Episode - 28 Covid, Mortgages, and What to Do with the House 15.05.2022 32:11
Even before the pandemic, divorcing couples struggled with the questions "What should we do with the house?" and "Where should each of us live?" Now, divorcing couples (many of whom have been trapped under the same roof for over two years) are struggling to understand the impact of Covid on such issues as finding (and qualifying for) the right mortgage, dealing with credit problems, understanding...
Ep 27 - The Modern Pre-Nup: There's a Better Way, Really! 04.01.2022 42:15
Who’s afraid of the big bad prenup? Well, if you’re getting married probably you. So you might be surprised to learn that crafting a pre-nup should be a positive experience- one that strengthens the bond between you and your future spouse and sets you on a road to a happy, healthy marriage. Attorney Suzy Eckstein joins Kate to explain.
Episode 26 - Divorce, Mortgages and What to do with the House 20.03.2020 56:14
If you're getting separated or divorced, where you'll each live is one of your biggest concerns. You have questions, like: "Can one of us keep the house?"; "Should one of us buy the other out?"; "How do we figure out what our house is worth?"; "Can I qualify for a mortgage, and what can I do to increase my chances?"; "What if I have been out of the job market for years?", and "If I don't keep the...
Episode 25 - How to Protect Your Children in Divorce: Lessons from the Latest Research- with Dr. Lisa Herrick 05.03.2020 54:20
What steps can you take to make sure your divorce doesn't cause permanent damage to your child's development? Psychologist and divorce expert Dr. Lisa Herrick joins us to discuss what we can learn from the latest research on the impact of divorce on children of all ages, including how to identify "risk factors" and implement "protective strategies" -- so that your divorce can remain a sad memory r...
Episode 24 - Is Collaborative Divorce Right for You? Finding the Right Divorce for You Part 2: 04.02.2020 41:13
Collabortive Divorce is an an out-of-court way to resolve your divorce disputes in a respectful, non-adversarial manner. Never heard of Collaborative Divorce? Heard of it, but want to know more? In this episode Kate and Jane are again joined by family law attorney Suzy Eckstein. Together they explain and demystify the important aspects of Collabortive Divorce-- what it is, how it works, and what m...
Episode 23 - Finding the Right Divorce for You Part 1 - What are Your Options and How Do You Choose? 04.02.2020 34:48
You've decided to get divorced (or your spouse has decided for you)... Where to begin? In this episode Kate and Jane are joined by experienced family law attorney Suzy Epstein. Together they take on the confusing questions "How can I find a good divorce lawyer who is right for me?", and "What are the the different ways to get divorced?" They then address other frequently asked questions, including...
Episode 22 - Surviving the Holidays After a Divorce PT 2 - 10 Tips for Separating and Divorced Parents 19.12.2019 42:06
If you're newly separated or divorced, the holidays can be tough. Especially if you have kids, you'll struggle with many questions, such as: "How can I surivive holiday time without my kids?", "How can I maintain or create new traditions on my own?", "How can I share kid time with my ex, and should we still celebrate some things "as a family?", "How will I cope with the loss of in-laws?", and "Wil...
Episode 21 - Surviving the Holidays After a Divorce PT 1: Tips for People Who Don't Have Kids and People Who Do 19.12.2019 24:15
If you're newly separated or divorced, the holidays can be particularly tough- fraught with feelings of loss, loneliness, alienation and destabilization. It can seem that while everyone you know is having a magical family experience, you're struggling alone to find your place as an unpartnered person. In this episode Kate and Jane offer advice for navigating the holidays-- and other significant po...
Episode 20 - 10 Tips for Telling Your Children About the Divorce - PT 2 23.10.2019 29:27
For most divorcing parents, breaking the news to their kids is one the most upsetting parts of the experience. What, when and how to tell them? How to ease their pain? What if you and your future ex can't agree on a message? Take a breath, relax. You need some guidance and a plan. This is Part 2 of Kate and Jane's "10 Tips for Doing a Good Job with the Scariest Conversation of Your Life".
Episode 19 - 10 Tips for Telling Your Children About the Divorce - PT 1 21.10.2019 23:34
For most divorcing parents, breaking the news to their kids is one the most upsetting parts of the experience. What, when and how to tell them? How to ease their pain? What if you and your future ex can't agree on a message? Take a breath, relax. You need some guidance and a plan. Kate and Jane offer "10 Tips for Doing a Good Job with the Scariest Conversation of Your Life".
Episode 18 - Discipline During Divorce Part 2: 15 Common Parenting Mistakes 29.07.2019 35:37
Divorcing parents want to support their kids and minimize pain. But being a good parent sometimes means taking unpopular positions. And what if you don't have a cooperative co-parent who supports your philosophy? In this episode, Kate and Jane offer practical and empathic advice for handling even the most complex and emotionally fraught divorce discipline challenges.
Episode 17 - Disciplining Children During Divorce – Part 1: Punishment vs. Consequence 29.07.2019 57:00
"Now that we're splitting up, should I be softer on the kids or keep doing things the old way?" "Should my ex and I try to have the same rules?" "What if my ex undermines me with the kids?" Deciding how and when to discipline our kids during the emotional maelstrom of divorce is tough. But you can learn to navigate even the thorniest challenges if you start with a solid understanding of what const...
Episode 16 - How to Choose a Better Partner Next Time 15.07.2019 19:00
"How did I get here?", "How did I not see this coming?", "Why did I marry that person in the first place?, "How can I avoid making the same mistakes again?" When you're baffled by your past, it's scary to imagine taking a step into the future. But here's the silver lining of divorce: It offers the possibility of real transformation. In this episode Kate and Jane offer their insights into how to ta...
Episode 15 - No One Gets How Hard Divorce is! Will I Ever Feel Better? 18.03.2019 17:46
Divorce can be overwhelming, alienating and lonely. Even when friends and family want to help, they often grow tired of listening, offer unhelpful advice, or are simply at a loss. You may ask yourself "If divorce is so common, how come I'm the only one I know going through it?","Why doesn't anyone understand how hard this is?" or "Will I always be on outside looking in?" In this episode Kate and J...
Episode 14 - Separated Under the Same Roof 24.06.2018 51:53
Divorced but still living under the same roof? There are many reasons separating couples share a home for some period of time during the separation/divorce transition. For some it's a financial or legal necessity, for others part of a long-range plan to share time with children. Some couples find this a torturous "limbo phase," while others think of it as a way to ease the pain for children. Wheth...
Episode 13 - The Divorced Parents' Pledge: Part 6 of 6 22.06.2018 14:19
Over years of working with children of divorce, Kate has compiled a list of 30 promises every divorcing parent should make to their children. In this sixth and final installment of our special series "The Divorced Parents' Pledge, " Kate and Jane discuss clauses 26-30 of this important list. Take the pledge, you owe it to your kids- and yourself!
Episode 12 - The Divorced Parents' Pledge: Part 5 of 6 21.06.2018 17:13
Over years of working with children of divorce, Kate has compiled a list of 30 promises every divorcing parent should make to their children. In this fifth installment of our special series "The Divorced Parents' Pledge, " Kate and Jane discuss clauses 21-25 of this important list. Take the pledge, you owe it to your kids- and yourself!
Episode 11 - The Divorced Parents' Pledge: Part 4 of 6 10.06.2018 19:41
Over years of working with children of divorce, Kate has compiled a list of 30 promises every divorcing parent should make to their children. In this fourth installment of our special series "The Divorced Parents' Pledge, " Kate and Jane discuss clauses 16-20 of this important list. Take the pledge, you owe it to your kids- and yourself!
Episode 10 - The Divorced Parents' Pledge: Part 3 of 6 20.05.2018 13:18
Over years of working with children of divorce, Kate has compiled a list of 30 promises every divorcing parent should make to their children. In this third installment of our special series "The Divorced Parents' Pledge, " Kate and Jane discuss clauses 11-15 of this important list. Take the pledge, you owe it to your kids- and yourself!
Episode 9 - The Divorced Parents' Pledge: Part 2 of 6 20.05.2018 10:54
Over years of working with children of divorce, Kate has compiled a list of 30 promises every divorcing parent should make to their children. In this second installment of our special series "The Divorced Parents' Pledge, " Kate and Jane discuss clauses 6-10 of this important list. Take the pledge, you owe it to your kids- and yourself!
Episode 8- The Divorced Parents' Pledge: Part 1 of 6 20.05.2018 11:02
Over years of working with children of divorce, Kate has compiled a list of 30 promises every divorcing parent should make to their children. In this first installment of our special series "The Divorced Parents' Pledge, " Kate and Jane discuss clauses 1-5 of this important list. Take the pledge, you owe it to your kids- and yourself!
Episode 7 - Divorce Advice for the Unfaithful 20.05.2018 37:38
If your infidelity played a part in the end of your marriage, you’re in for more-than-ordinarily tough sledding. In this episode Kate and Jane discuss this most painful and complex of divorce topics. They offer insights and practical tips for navigating divorce after cheating in a way that is as compassionate, supportive and constructive as possible for all involved-- even when emotions run hot.
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