Between Living & Dreaming Podcast

Content note: This episode discusses sexual assault. At 1:42 a.m. on a night in October 2024, a message went out in a Cornell fraternity group chat, allegedly inviting brothers upstairs to a 20-year-old woman the sender called "free p*ssy." Most of the outrage has focused on the second word. In this episode I read my essay about the first one. I'm Kimmy Wu, a relational and sex therapist. I look a...

A man ended a letter to me with three words and four hedges in front of them. Another showed me everything and never said any of it. In this essay I read the case that we've been taught the wrong lesson—that the question was never whether love is spoken or shown, but whether it binds the person offering it to anything at all. On my mother, the language I lost, and the sentence I still haven't said...

In the first session, I tell clients that my goal is not to keep them. Most people nod. Almost no one believes me. This piece starts with a termination, a last session after three years, and works outward from there. To why so few of us have ever ended a relationship on purpose. To why we treat how long something lasted as proof that it mattered. To what it costs to be the person who stays behind...

A white girl on my feed called ube "oob." Confidently. With the energy of someone who had just discovered something. I felt offense. Fascination. And then — uncomfortably — pity. In this episode, I read my essay "You Met Me At A Very Chinese Time": On Fantasy, Inheritance, and the Girl Who Called It "Oob" — a meditation on the "very Chinese time of my life" trend, what it has in common with 17th c...

At a Galentine's Day gathering, my friends put on Heated Rivalry . Within minutes, the room shifted. They were flushed, electric, completely locked in. I was interested. But not in the same way. In this episode, Kimmy explores what the massive female response to Heated Rivalry reveals—not just about the show, but about how women experience desire. Why did millions of straight women lose it over tw...

“I’m just looking for the bare minimum.” It sounds reasonable. Grounded. Self-respecting. But what does that phrase actually mean? In this episode, I unpack why “bare minimum” has become modern dating shorthand—and why it might not be as neutral as it sounds. We’ll explore how the phrase can soothe shame, signal standards, or quietly turn hurt into moral certainty. Is it clarity? Protection? Or so...

In this episode, Kimmy Wu reads Between Ambivalence & Certainty , a reflective essay from Between Living & Dreaming . Inspired by a breakup scene in Materialists , this piece explores the quiet devastation of relational moments where no one is wrong—and something still ends. It’s an inquiry into ambivalence, capacity, and the grief that emerges when honesty becomes a verdict rather than an opening...

In this episode/essay, Kimmy reflects on a moment at a friend’s wedding that surfaced a familiar but rarely named ache: the realization that some gatherings can never be recreated, even with the same people, in another beautiful place. Through the lens of adulthood, friendship, and community, she explores how closeness shifts as lives expand across cities, marriages, children, and changing seasons...

What happens when “being nice” becomes a way of avoiding honesty? In this episode of Between Living & Dreaming , Kimmy reflects on a viral dating-show moment to explore the illusion of harmlessness—when good intentions are used to sidestep discomfort, accountability, and truth. What looks like care can quietly become control, leaving one person holding the emotional weight alone. This episode is n...

“I used to think that if it didn’t hurt, it wasn’t love.” In this episode of Between Living & Dreaming , Kimmy explores what she calls the Endurance Economy —a cultural logic that teaches us to equate love with suffering, loyalty with self-erasure, and worth with how much pain we can tolerate. Drawing from a therapy session and lived observation, this episode gently but firmly challenges the belie...

We become fluent in the languages our culture rewards—efficiency, achievement, independence. But few of us are ever taught the language of belonging. In this episode, Kimmy reflects on the quiet paradox of modern relational life : we have endless ways to name our personalities, attachment styles, and inner wounds—yet so little language for the roles we play in holding our relationships and communi...

Most of the work that holds our relationships, families, teams, and communities together is invisible. In this episode of Between Living & Dreaming , Kimmy reflects on emotional labor —the quiet, unpaid, and often unnamed work of care that sustains connection, prevents rupture, and keeps relational systems alive. From remembering birthdays to noticing emotional shifts to being the one who always i...

We love stories of healing with clean arcs—the before and the after. But what often goes unnamed is the middle. In this episode, Kimmy reflects on the quiet, exhausting terrain between insight and embodiment: the space where you’ve done the work, learned the language, and named the patterns—yet still find yourself struggling to live differently. Drawing from clinical insight and personal experienc...

What happens when ambition shows up differently in a relationship? In this episode of Between Living & Dreaming , Kimmy reflects on a quiet but common relational tension: the ambition gap —when one partner moves through life with structure, certainty, and timelines, while the other moves more intuitively, relationally, or emergently. Through personal reflection, therapy-room observations, and stor...

“What should I be looking for?” Friends ask me. Clients ask me. Even strangers ask—usually after they find out I’m a relational and sex therapist. In a dating culture flooded with advice, checklists, and contradictory “green flags,” it’s easy to lose sight of what actually sustains a relationship beyond the spark. In this episode of Between Living & Dreaming , Kimmy offers a different way of think...

A viral trend invites people to ask AI questions like: What’s my curse? The answers feel poetic, piercing, and strangely accurate—like a modern oracle speaking directly to our wounds. In this episode of Between Living & Dreaming , Kimmy explores what’s really happening beneath our fascination with algorithmic insight. Why do these moments feel so revelatory? And what’s the difference between somet...

“How do I know if I’m being curious—or just too nosy?” In this episode of Between Living & Dreaming , Kimmy explores the quiet tension many of us feel in early relationships: wanting to know someone more deeply while fearing we’ll ask too much, too soon. Through conversations with friends and reflections from the therapy room, this episode examines the difference between curiosity rooted in care a...

This episode is part of Between Fantasy & Meaning , a series that explores desire through a therapeutic lens—not as confession, but as reflection. In this episode, Kimmy examines a surprising and quietly magnetic fantasy: watching men split wood. What begins as a fleeting attraction opens into a deeper inquiry about embodiment, competence, presence, and the kinds of strength our bodies long for in...

“We just want to have better sex.” In this episode of Between Living & Dreaming , Kimmy unpacks one of the most common—and misunderstood—reasons couples seek sex therapy. Many arrive hoping for techniques, positions, or communication scripts. What they often discover instead is that sex isn’t the problem—it’s the mirror. Through a clinical vignette and therapeutic reflection, this episode explores...

We talk openly about heartbreak and grief—but disappointment is often treated as something too small to name and too uncomfortable to hold. In this episode of Between Living & Dreaming , Kimmy explores disappointment as a quiet but powerful emotional experience—one that lives in the space between what we hoped for and what actually happened. Drawing from clinical work, personal reflection, and cul...

The final count says we didn’t win. And yet, it didn’t feel like we lost. This episode is a shared reflection written in the quiet aftermath of a political campaign—not to relive the race, but to honor what doesn’t show up in vote totals: the courage to try, the cost of showing up, and the meaning that remains when the outcome isn’t what we hoped for. Co-authored with Dr. Calvin D. Sun following h...

We like to believe love is pure—free of needs, free of negotiation, free of transaction. But many of us learned to survive by being useful, desirable, or indispensable—and that history doesn’t disappear when we start dating or building intimacy. In this episode of Between Living & Dreaming , Kimmy explores the quiet ledger many of us carry into relationships: the ways we measure effort, investment...

“I’ve finally found someone who makes me feel safe,” they say. And then, quietly: “But I’m not as turned on—and I don’t know why.” This episode explores a tension many people experience but rarely name: the moment when emotional safety arrives… and sexual desire feels less automatic. Is something wrong if the relationship feels secure but not electric? Why does consistency sometimes dull the spark...

Lately, many men in their late 20s and 30s—newly partnered, newly married, or preparing for parenthood—have been carrying a quiet, weighty question: “What kind of father will I be?” In this piece, Kimmy writes a letter to the men who are asking that question —often silently, often without a blueprint—while reckoning with the emotional legacies they’ve inherited and the ones they hope to reshape. R...

This is not a soft episode. Written in the wake of rising state violence against immigrant communities and inspired by a client’s story, this piece is a reckoning with fear, guilt, paralysis—and what it costs us when those forces shape our choices. In this episode, Kimmy reflects on a moment many immigrants and children of immigrants know intimately: witnessing harm, freezing in place, and carryin...