At a Total Loss

Life keeps lifing. Loss keeps lossing. And sometimes, just when you think you've finally gotten your head above water, something comes along and knocks you right back down. So how the hell do you keep going? After losing my son Brody almost five years ago, and navigating two more pregnancy losses this year, I've learned a few things about getting through the really shitty parts of life. And in thi...

I sat down with Elle Margetson for an honest conversation about grief, parenting after loss, and the question so many of us ask: does it get better? We talk about what it means to keep living while carrying the loss of a baby—the guilt that can come with feeling happy, the fear that healing means losing your connection, and the way new losses can make old grief feel painfully fresh again. Elle sha...

I’m opening up about the reality of pregnancy after loss, the cesarean scar ectopic pregnancy that led to emergency surgery, and the quieter work of figuring out how to keep living when grief keeps reopening old wounds. In this episode, I talk through what happened this summer—from the first worrying ultrasound to the devastating diagnosis, surgery, and the emotional aftermath. I share how this ex...

Podcast is moving to YouTube! Don't worry, all episodes up until now will still be available on Spotify and Apple. But moving forward, our home will be on YouTube @thekatherinelazar where I'll be sharing more videos, insight, and content around life after stillbirth.  In this episode I talk about: The impact of moving on mental health and grief Balancing grief with everyday life and motherhood The...

There was a time when I thought surviving a stillbirth meant I had already lived through the worst thing imaginable. Then I miscarried. In this episode, I'm sharing what I learned from experiencing a miscarriage after stillbirth—and why it challenged so much of what I thought I knew about grief, hope, healing, and myself. This isn't a chronological retelling of what happened. It's an honest conver...

I hate when people say we are "Overprotective"...No, that's not it. We are SUPER AWARE of what can happen. This means we know the potential outcomes, we take necessary steps to prevent, we know what we can control and what we can't, we have a plan in place if something bad happens, we are no longer ignorant. We are experienced....unwantingly so... We come from a loss lens. We see things differentl...

WE'RE BACK! omg i'm sorry y'all, life has been lifing! The book launched, my living son turned 3, we are showing our house to sell it, we are trying to expand out family, and i'm just living the grief dream! But I accidentally put the podcast aside, and I didn't even mean to...But it's back and it's not going anywhere!... My grief has changed because my life has changed and now at the 4.5 year mar...

In this deeply moving episode, I sit down with Jenny Kim as she shares the unimaginable story of losing her sweet son, Joey, at just six months old in a tragic accident in 2022. Jenny opens up about the devastating pain of child loss, the shock and trauma that followed, and the questions that can haunt a grieving parent.   As a medical professional, Jenny also speaks candidly about the added layer...

In this episode, I sit down with Lindsey, who has experienced the heartbreaking loss of two of her sweet babies. We talk about the unfortunate care she received in the hospital, the regrets she has carried, and how those experiences have shaped her mission to help other mamas in need. We also talk about the self-care journey of surviving while waiting for the time to try again for another living b...

In this solo episode, I’m talking about something that can feel complicated in grief… the gifts our babies leave us with. And no—I don’t mean anything that takes away from the pain or tries to “silver line” their loss. I mean the real, undeniable ways they’ve changed us. For a long time, I only knew Brody through pain. Through devastation. Through everything that was taken from me. But at some poi...

In this episode, I sit down with Marcela, a loss mom from South Florida whose first and only child, Alesandra, was stillborn two years ago. Since that devastating loss, Marcela has been on a journey to find answers, rebuild trust in her medical care, and navigate life after unimaginable grief. Marcela shares how advocating for herself led her to a new medical team and eventually to the birth of he...

In this episode, Alissa returns to the podcast to share what life looks like 8 years after her daughter Anna was stillborn. If you want her full story, go back and listen to Episode #52 — we recorded that one 2.5 years ago, and hearing the evolution between then and now is powerful.  We talk honestly about grief life then vs now, how pain shifts but never disappears, and what it looks like to rebu...

In this episode, I’m answering your questions — the real ones. The ones you sent me quietly on Instagram. The ones that sit heavy in your chest at 2am.  We’re talking about:  – Have I actually found joy again… without constantly thinking my baby should be here?  – How to handle not getting grace from the people around us  – What to do when you feel like your body failed you  – Navigating strained...

In this episode, I talk about the most fantastic mess that is life after stillbirth. This is emotional whiplash at its finest... Loss mamas are out here doing the damn thing every single day—showing up, parenting, working, laughing—and still grieving, spiraling, and holding a whole lot beneath the surface. Two things can be true at once, and they usually are. I share a moment where I blurted out s...

In this episode, I talk about the part of grief that doesn’t fit the mold—the way loss makes you different, and how few people truly understand the way we navigate the world afterward.  There’s an unexpected empowerment that comes from owning that difference. From letting go of how grief should look. From stopping the need to be understood. And from building a life after loss in the way you need t...

In this episode, I talk openly about God after the death of my son, Brody—what my faith looks like now, what it doesn’t, and how it has changed in ways I never expected. I share my honest thoughts, doubts, anger, comfort, and the quiet moments where belief feels complicated but still present.   I also dive into what it’s like to parent after loss—how grief shows up in anxiety, how it lives in my b...

Tis a new year my friends and honestly, it's the same shit. In this episode, I get super vulnerable you guys. I even go a little Tony Robbins on ya... I will say I'm super proud of myself for what I did in 2025 when it came to my health and wellness. I went IN trying to get my physical health and mental health back on track. Like GLP-1s, I did Ketamine, back to working out consistently, bible stud...

Carter's mama, Amy and I, first recorded 3.5 years ago, not long after we both lost our sons. At the time, we were still deep in survival mode—learning how to breathe, how to exist, how to live in a world that had permanently changed. In this episode, we come back together to talk about life now. We talk honestly about: Parenting after loss What grief looks like years later (spoiler: it doesn’t di...

This episode is for every loss mama — whether you’re in the first impossible weeks or years down the road trying to make sense of this new life. I brought on two other loss mamas Terra's mom, Andrea (@grievinglikeamother and Juniper's mom, Amanda (@orangeafmama) and we just… talked. No scripts, no fixing, no pretending. Just honest perspective on baby loss, parenting after loss, living kids, holid...

It’s my birthday — the fourth one since losing Brody — and this episode is as raw and real as it gets. I’m unpacking what birthdays feel like after loss, how healing actually looks in year four, and what life is like right now: therapy, hospital stays with my living son, and the everyday chaos that somehow keeps me grounded.   Sprinkled with stories, a few F-bombs, and a whole lot of iced coffee,...

In this episode, I sit down with the founder of Evermore Adoption Consultants, Kristin Van Hoff, a birth mother whose own adoption story inspired her to build something extraordinary. Out of her personal experience came a mission rooted in love, integrity, and the belief that every family deserves clarity and compassion on their journey to adoption.   We explore what makes adoption such a complex...

Gabriela Rosa, DrPH (Candidate, Harvard), is a Harvard-awarded fertility specialist, founder of The Rosa Institute, and author of Fertility Breakthrough: Overcoming Infertility and Recurrent Miscarriage When Other Treatments Have Failed. She pioneered telehealth-based integrative fertility care, making evidence-based solutions accessible worldwide.   She is also the creator and host of The Fertili...

It's me hi, and I'm going in on a bunch of different topics! I had you submit them and I speak real talk on all of them... Firstly, wtf October 15th. How was it that this day was on total steroids. Like, so many companies posting about baby loss and it's just weird. Then I go into PAL, navigating parenting living kids, moving and major changes, early inductions with rainbows, overall how my bond w...

In this episode, Alexandra shares how her company, Alexandra & Wells , came to life out of love and loss. Together, we reflect on how our grief has evolved over the years and how motherhood—five years after loss—continues to take on new meaning. We talk about the reality of running a “grief business,” what it means to mother an angel long-term, and how we continue to redefine ourselves while keepi...

Alexandra is the founder of the clothing brand Alexandra & Wells, created in honor of her son, Wells, who tragically passed away in 2019 due to a negligent labor and delivery. In this deeply emotional episode, Alexandra shares Wells’ story publicly for the first time, along with the legal battle that followed as she sought justice for him. Out of her grief, Alexandra built a brand that has reached...