Absolutely Not

On this episode, Heather chats about nesting at home in Atlanta. She is out at the home goods, eating mushrooms she finds at Home Goods, and wearing cozy sweaters. She reminisces about jam band concerts, ahead of the summer concerts she is excited to go to and also the possibility of a Spice Girls reunion. She dissects voicemails about St. Barth's STD’s, age gap relationships, chronically lat...

On this episode, Heather is on the “becoming Chinese” side of tik-tok, where she is being motivated to eat something warm in the morning and work out ( like everyone else at the year).  She chats about the Ole Miss loss, why she isn’t at the Golden Globes and her healing titty wound.  Voicemails from you guys get her yapping about pasta, the gym and sorority spring recruitment. Episode S...

On this episode, Heather welcomes 2026 with a fresh calendar and a fresh injury—  her burnt titty. She celebrates the highs of Ole Miss making a national run and the lows of credit card points betraying her Japan plans. She then dives into your voicemails full of fresh starts, fiery horses, and big “new year, same bitch” energy. Episode Sponsors: Shop in store and online at NordstromRack.com....

On this episode, Heather is ringing in the New Year with her favorite people, YOU! 2025 has been a series of ups and downs, but as we all know we can attribute this to not finishing the Vision Board last year.  Heather is giving the best practices for you all to make your own vision board for 2026.  She also goes through what everyone chimed in with what their 2026 goals are.  Episo...

On this episode from the Christmas of 2022, Heather is sitting down with her Italian stallion to recap 2022 highs and lows as well as doomsday prep for 2023. Jeff and Heather both share their "rose and thorn" of the year and never really address how over-budget the wedding really was. It is too touchy of a subject and they will push onto their therapists 10 years down the road. Episode Sponso...

On this episode, Heather is back from her Parisian getaway with Jackie Schimmel. She chats about her very adult gift decisions, how she tried to bamboozle the Hermes sales associate, the French version of Erewohn, and where she wants to travel to next. She takes on your voicemails about grandparents during the holidays,secret santa woes, and of course, Christmas trees people. She th...

On this episode, Heather welcomes friend and interior design extraordinaire, Jared Hughes. Jared and Heather chat about how he got into design with his 6th grade bedroom, how to make sure you get the best antiques from your aging relatives, and how to work an estate sale. They take on the voicemails about holiday etiquette and gift giving. Episode Sponsors: Find Kahlúa Dunkin Caramel Swi...

On this episode, Heather is back in LA and welcomes Atsuko Okatsuka to the pod. Heather has shown up to the recording dress in her last dusty Brooks and Dunn t-shirt, while Atsuko is in a full conductor designer outfit with a shrimp bolo tie. They debate whether or not they are brain rotting being on their phone all the time on tour, ridiculous personal Yelp reviews, and if it's better to hav...

On this episode replay from 2021, we're having a post-thanksgiving bitch fest because everyone has been forced into unwanted family-time and now we're all chain-smoking near the garage. IT'S A MESS. It's time to reboot bitches, and take some time for yourself-because if we don't, we won't make it out of the holiday's alive! Episode Sponsors: Shop my favorite pajamas at SKIMS.com . and if you’re lo...

On this episode, Heather is suffering from a wine headache, but ready to recap her weekend in Oxford for the Ole Miss game. She chats about the Lane Kiffin conspiracies of Gators, LSU and Theo Von. She takes on the voicemails from people seeking gay bar advice, an unlikely cease and desist, and what it’s like to have your life flash before your eyes. Episode Sponsors: Pick up GOODLES on your next...

On this episode, Heather is coming off the high of the LA show, as well as the Dodger’s World Series Win, but also the low of fighting for her life with some sort of stomach bug in Austin. Heather also has a HUGE family announcement that is causing anxiety but all the excitement. She takes voicemails from Ole Miss tailgaters, Trader Joe’s virgins as well as a show-goer who needed medical attention...

On this episode, Heather is in NYC after a slew of shows across Texas, Kentucky and Ohio. So many characters came out to the show, but nothing like Midland Moms drunk on Mountain Dew Margaritas. We also get a Texas Tony update! She takes voicemails from an unlikely DUI charge, doulas dilemmas, debates about starting a travel show. Episode Sponsors: Right now, ABSOLUTELY NOT listeners can save 30%...

On this episode, Heather and Raymond welcome Dog the Bounty Hunter and his late wife, Beth to the pod. They threw together their costumes in 20 minutes to make for a ridiculous take on these two TLC legends. The chat about their favorite movie theatre snacks and how they will never be as put together as Mary Beth Barone and Benito Skinner. They take a voicemail about a very controversial type of b...

This week, we’re taking it back to one of the most iconic episodes in Absolutely Not history: Burnt My Grundle. In this replay, Heather relives the madness of a piping hot Starbucks to the lap, and goes through some of the most chaotic voicemails. If you’re new here, buckle up. If you’re an OG, you already know this one is a classic. Episode Sponsors: Go to Squarespace.com for a free trial, and wh...

On this episode, Heather is back in Atlanta after the UNWELL weekend in Vegas . She had two insane shows in Florida, flew Breeze nonstop to the Cosmo, and then hung out with Alex Cooper and every housewife you can imagine. While God is good, someone is testing her or has put on a voodoo hex.  Rigs is back in the VET ER, Macaroni maybe has a UTI and the rest of our pets heads are falling off.&...

On this episode, Heather is fired up about the new Taylor Swift album, seeing Tate McRae in concert and all things that make being a girl the best. She chats about her amazing show in Seattle followed by a humbling flight home. She takes voicemails from other TSwift lovers, bad ass women driving themselves to their own delivery and who pilates is really made for. Episode Sponsors: Go to Squarespac...

On this episode, Heather is back from the Ryder Cup with a few things to say. Episode Sponsors: To explore coverage, visit ASPCAPetInsurance.com/absolutely For a limited time, Boulevard is offering new customers 20% off your first year subscription. Visit JoinBlvd.com to learn more. Earn points on rent and around your neighborhood, wherever you call home, by going to joinbilt.com/absolutely . Don'...

On this episode, Heather is excited for the week ahead at the Ryder Cup. She is headed up to New York to host a party at the 1st tee and needs all the single girlies to come through. She also cannot wait for you to see her in the custom Ralph Lauren fits. She chats about upcoming shows- have you gotten your tickets yet?! She takes voicemails from listeners with viral video trolls, Turo rental car...

On this episode, Heather is back in Atlanta after hosting the EMMY’s Live from the Red Carpet for E! She chats about how hot this carpet was, the celebs and friends that she saw, and what after parties she got to hit. She dreams about her future in television and how she would crush Dancing with the Stars. We have voicemails from yacht sellers, girls with jealous SIL and a girl that finds her...

On this episode, Heather is coming to you from her hotel room in LA.  She chats about her shows this past weekend in Omaha and Denver as well as the exciting week ahead where she will be back working with E! on the EMMY’s red carpet. She dives into your voicemails from fans in the front row, to buying an international home and whether your nail lady has your back. Episode Sponsors: This episo...

On this episode, Heather is in Atlanta and gearing up for a couple of wild upcoming weeks. She chats about the stresses of still living with Robin and solutions like joining a dojo or becoming a kickboxer. Decision fatigue has fully set in.  She takes your voicemails about psychotic husband behavior, how to be a good neighbor, southern pronunciations, what the heck is happening with Sacrament...

On this episode, Heather is back in the Atlanta studio after getting back on the road with The Bamboozled Tour in Memphis and Charlotte.  The Showgirl is back on the road and another showgirl is engaged! She chats about what went down in each city and goes down sorority rush memory lane.  We get back to the voicemails where she takes on another type of wedding proposal, airline chicken e...

On this episode, Heather is in LA and welcomes her fabulous friend, Retta to the pod! Retta and Heather met at a friend's birthday in Mexico and connected over margaritas and steak. They chat about auditions, how Glen Powell smells, and what’s a must have in her dressing room. Episode Sponsors: Find Duke’s Mayo at your local retailer. If it’s not there, riot (respectfully) Visit dukesmayo.com for...

This week, we’re reminiscing tales from Heather’s last tour ahead of some stops in Tennessee and Texas. In this replay episode, she breaks down the details of the insane predicament she found herself in at the Memphis airport. She also ran into a couple Lasso kids in Texas and was slinging art in Mississippi for Robin like drug dealer from the 80's. That and more! Episode Sponsors: Find Duke’s May...

On this episode, Heather is back in Atlanta after her annual European summer vacay.  She has weeded through her tik-tok trolls only to realize she has come out ahead as America’s Unc. She relives her boat days, her Air France journey home, and her back to school shopping memories. She takes voicemails from girls on a best friend trip to Italy, gift giving and golf bag woes, and why she is goi...