Absolutely Not

On this episode, Heather is back from Europe and shares the highs, lows, and heavy flows of her anniversary vacation including the story of finally securing The Bag in Paris. She explains why sometimes you just have to do it for the plot and how a decade of dressing as Pitbull led to a surreal full-circle moment. Episode Sponsors: Make your summer wardrobe feel easier. Go to Quince.com/absolutely...

On this episode, Heather is in LA and brings one of her oldest friends from childhood, James Abrahart to the pod. JHart is an award winning music producer, singer and reality star. Their lore starts in James’ parents basement where they used to create rap albums and eat way too many Pubsubs. They chat about their wild childhood neighbors of Whitney Houston and T-Boz, as well as them being the...

On this replay episode from June 15, 2022 she is getting ready for her wedding in Italy, and fast forward to 2026 her and Jeff are on their way to Florence for their anniversary. You’ll hear Heather have a mental breakdown from the complete shitshow that has been her wedding prep. You’ll see that she has turned into one of THOSE brides and is ready to tell everyone to fuck off all while losin...

On this episode, Heather is coming to you all live from a fabulous hotel in Florence, Italy where she and Jeff are celebrating their wedding anniversary. She starts off the pod chatting about her big move without one very important person- Robin. Heather chats about how Off Campus has changed her brain chemistry.  She brings us up to speed about her first days of travel to Italy and how Ameri...

On this episode, Heather welcomes Rosebud Baker back to the podcast. Rosebud has been busy since the last cruise. She now has a 2 year old daughter, is getting divorced and even had time to write a book! Fully Baked is a memoir that tackles family tragedy, motherhood, addiction all with honesty and humor. She also chats about her time and her departure from SNL. Episode Sponsors: Fo...

On this bonus episode, Heather continues her conversation with Sharon McMahon, covering a hypothetical run for office, a special tribute in Heather's act, and the story behind the “I Love Sharon McMahon” billboards. Episode Sponsors: Give your skin the affordable, luxurious glow up it deserves. Go to Naturium.com/ABSOLUTELY for 10% off your first purchase today. Shop at Sephora or get 10% off your...

On this episode, Heather welcomes America’s government teacher, Sharon McMahon. They chat about their shared last name, lake life in Minnesota, and of course WTF is going on with our country and government.  Sharon breaks Heather’s questions down in a way that anyone with extreme ADHD can understand. Episode Sponsors: Visit www.vivrelle.com and use code ABSOLUTELY for your first month free. S...

On this episode, Heather is back in ATL after shooting her 3rd special in Knoxville, TN. She chats about the crazy audience members, going through a McDonalds drive-thru, how she was booking a vacation while she should’ve been concentrating on her special. It’s been a long weekend, and the next few days she will be kicking her heels up. She takes on some of the most unhinged voicemails to date and...

On this episode, Heather brings the road dogs to the studio to give us all an in-depth recap of tour life.  Andrew, Raymond, Christina and Heather reminisce about their favorite cities, toughest shows, the origin of Texas Tony and someone's reliance on Recticare. Episode Sponsors: Refresh your everyday with luxury you'll actually use. Head to Quince.com/absolutely for free shipping on your or...

On this bonus episode, Heather is excited to chat about conspiracy theories. Last week we gave you a prompt about your favorite theories. We spiral on the missing scientists, data centers, lost planes, the moon landing, the Antarctic ice wall and finding love with aliens. Episode Sponsors: Help protect your home systems – and your wallet – with HomeServe against covered repairs. Plans start at jus...

On this episode, Heather is coming to you from the new NYC Dear Media studios.  Fresh off the heels of Netflix is a Joke, she has some explaining to do about her show in LA. She got to see friends and foes alike! We get voicemails from women buying $20 panties and girlies having a cruise reunion at the special taping. Episode Sponsors: Head to https://www.squarespace.com/absolutely to save 10...

On this episode Heather brings hilarious comedian and friend Jay Jurden to the pod.  Jay and Heather go all the way back to the undergrad theatre department at Ole Miss.  They reminisce about their hate for Lane Kiffin, being a theatre major together and how their paths lead them to Netflix is a Joke festival.  You can catch Jay’s latest special, Yes Ma’am, on Hulu. Episode Sponsors...

On this replay episode, Heather tells us what really happened at Netflix is a Joke in 2024. She gives a full recap of her time in Golden state and spills the tea from the comedy shows, after parties and more! She opens up about how her life has felt like a sprint and she just made it through the finish line, yet feels hungry for more. She also answers some of the best Absolutely Not's and Yes's we...

On this episode, Heather welcomes Suzanne Lambert to the podcast to chat about all things growing up in Georgia, the drama of politics and spray tans.  The commiserate about sorority life, hotties in the senate, and Connecticut Karen’s. Episode Sponsors: Head to https://www.squarespace.com/absolutely to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain using code absolutely. For a limit...

On this episode, Heather is in full overstimulation mode as she juggles work chaos, no WiFi, and a rogue bird. She explains why “we’ll cry in June” has become her current life motto and is ready to launch a full investigation into the missing scientists. She then gets to your calls about birth conspiracies, offline shopping problems, and frat formals. Episode Sponsors: Head to Biologica.com/ABSOLU...

 On this episode, Heather is back from her unreal show at the Ryman Auditorium in Nashville.  She chats about the afterparty on Broadway where she was pouring lemondrop shots for the girls where she is brought back to her days behind the sticks. After having a conspiracy dinner in the Turks, she came home to binge watch multiple documentaries.  She takes voicemails from people with...

On this episode, Heather is down in the basement and going through a lot right now.  Her fat kneecap is fat, but a visit to the Dr.’s office leads to hearing a missing puzzle piece about her Dad.  She also chats about the Buff City Soap mafia coming for her.  We hear voicemails from one of our Love on the Spectrum favorites, a mom debating about using her kid on TikTok and a royal f...

In honor of Masters Week, we are replaying a 2023 episode where we join Heather as she sits down with the ultimate scammer, Raymond.  We discuss how they scammed their way into the Masters tournament, yet again. It is an in-depth observation into the golf world that rarely few people get to see. They get into just how much merch they bought, how swollen their feet were and how many azaleas th...

On this episode, Heather welcomes Becky Robinson back to the podcast studio after breaking the hard news that Becky cannot join us on the Absolutely Knot Cruise 2.0. They chat about the happy memories from the cruise.  Becky lets us know how she lets loose when she comes home from the road. Episode Sponsors: When life feels overwhelming, therapy can help. Sign up and get 10% off at BetterHelp...

On this episode, Heather is at the LA studio and welcoming her first live callers! These hussies really bring some wild spring break Absolutely Not’s to Heather and we are forever changed! We have callers that were down at the Villages, on a hetero bachelor party in Baltimore, wheelin’ and dealin’ in Daytona as a newly crowned amateur stripper, a near miss on girls gone wild Gen Xer and someo...

On this episode, Heather welcomes Jeff to the studio to discuss all things Japan!  They go through their wagyu dinner reservations, baseball with Ohtani, treats from 7-11 and overall Japanese culture. They give you everything you need to know before heading over to Japan for the first time. Episode Sponsors: Find Kahlúa Dunkin Caramel Swirl at retailers nationwide, including Walmart, Total Wi...

On this episode, Heather is back in Robin's Basement and ready to take on the chaos of the week.  She has some exciting news about an upcoming live voicemails episode- make sure to take notes on how you can be chosen to chat with Heather.  She has fresh highlights, lashes and is contemplating how a government shuts down.  She chats about life as a tee ball mom as well as her newest...

On this episode, Heather is back from Japan and has already put on her Nurse Ratchet outfit.  There is no rest yet, she has to now take care of a toddler, figure out what to do with a frozen Christmas ham and get a surgery scheduled.  She takes on voicemails about the origins of tiramisu and men holding their own baby showers.  Episode Sponsors: Head to https://www.squarespace.com/a...

On this episode from March 9, 2022, we hear Heather go on a real tear about International Women's Day. Coming off of a great weekend in Albany slinging jokes on tour, she's back with attitude and some Heather health advice (we all know she is not a Dr., but wears a short white coat). Heather also takes voicemails from the hotline. Episode Sponsors: Visit ProlonLife.com/absolutely to claim your 15%...

On this episode, Heather welcomes fellow comedian Nicole Byer. They chat about meeting in the NYC comedy scene, the Heated Rivalry boys, and disassociating while on stage performing. They take on a voicemail about having sex dreams about a boss. You can find Nicole’s new crowd work special on YouTube, out on tour and or on any of her many podcasts. Episode Sponsors: Your emotional wellbeing matter...