A Thousand Tiny Steps

I feel directionless in life, I don't know what to choose next, and I need to figure things out. Because in Motherland? I have no other choice. I've been goal setting, problem solving, and trying to learn how to take care of myself in an effort to find a solution. But one thing keeps getting in the way. How do I mother others without someone mothering me? Key Takeaways:    [1:09] My TV interview a...

Gracie and I got together to talk about New Year's resolutions, Wicked, our favorite swear words, and how we've grown. From lessons on not comparing yourself to others to realizing setbacks can actually be an opportunity for growth, listen to us as we come up with the most creative curse words we can think of.     G is for the grumbling that I do.  R is for the resolutions, toodle-oo.  A is very,...

Grieving during the holidays sucks. I'll never "be over it" as some people like to say. I will grieve again and again for Molly. My grief has changed how we celebrate holidays, but at the same time having Jack is also changing how we celebrate. I don't know what's ahead, but no matter what my message is the same - celebrate the holidays how you want.    Key Takeaways:    [4:40] Not feeling excited...

The current school board is beginning to feel like… Regina Georgia's lunch table. It reminds me of previous years on the board, my relationship with Chris Rath, all the emails on my school account, and so many other mistakes I made. One thing's for sure: I need to learn to notice the change in the weather unless I want to sit with more regrets soon.    Key Takeaways:    [1:34] Wanting to keep thin...

If a clone of me was suddenly created and I interviewed myself here's what I'd say. Because trust me, I did not want to do another episode where I talk about the sadness of grieving during the holidays. So instead, enjoy as I talk about everything from what I'd tell myself at 18 to the name of my book - if my enemy wrote it.   Key Takeaways:    [4:23] What people misunderstand about me most  [5:30...

After my job loss, I was invited to do an interview which became the most popular one on our local radio show. A few days ago was the 40th year anniversary of a school shooting in Concord and I talked to one of the students who went through it. In this episode, I go on a trip down memory lane.    Key Takeaways:    [1:25] I don't feel like I've made a lot of progress  [2:12] 40 years ago there was...

This week, I'm throwing away toxic gratitude and playing Would You Rather because we all need some fun in our lives. I contemplate knowing when vs knowing how I would die, someone seeing all of my photos or all of my texts, and so many other ponderings.    Key Takeaways:    [0:28] Throwing away toxic gratitude and playing would you rather  [3:17] See a little into the future or a lot?  [3:53] The...

Emerging and changing my ways one tiny step at a time is not easy. Between school board, my living situation, my neighbor dying and my desire to keep things the same, but also change can feel like climbing an uphill battle.    Key Takeaways:    [0:28] We're supposed to be grateful in November, but I don't want to be  [2:35] What emergence means in my life  [7:37] Feeling ignored and not liked on s...

I was fired from my coaching job, dealt with an inappropriate dad, an emotionally unstable teenager, and people that shot me nasty looks. All while having an unsupportive administrative staff that didn't have my back. This is the story of the ups and downs of my coaching job at Bow.   Key Takeaways:    [3:21] Being hired at Bow High School as a coach  [5:55] The new athletic director hated me  [9:...

I looked back on the two friends I've lost since I recorded this episode and the ones I've kept. In this episode, I thought about the people I surrounded myself with, what that meant, and the wonderful support I receive. It's interesting to look back and see the toxic people I spent time with and how much my life has changed since then.    Key Takeaways:    [0:00] Getting sucked into a cycle of mi...

I've lost count of how many restraining orders have been in my life from either me having to file them, helping others file them, or having them filed against me. At some point it just feels like a circus and an abuse of the system. In this episode, I break down the history of them in my life and question if they really help people.    Key Takeaways:    [0:00] Does a restraining order actually do...

Science Guy was my high school biology teacher who I lost my virginity to. He died a couple of months ago and I only found out a few weeks ago. I'm grieving for him and many people have an opinion on that. But two things can be true: I can realize the good moments we had together and also realize it was inappropriate.    Key Takeaways:    [0:00] Being sexually abused as a child and being told to b...

I was sexually abused as a child and it still impacts me at almost 60 years old. It took me a long time to be able to tell this story and to look back at the psychological impact that these terrible experiences had on me. It was a confusing time where I lost so much of myself, but telling this story has been cathartic. If you need help there are resources below.    Key Takeaways:    [2:45] My mom...

My sophomore year was full of ups and downs. I went into the year not knowing where to sit at lunch, and unsure of myself. I ended up going to Germany, quitting gymnastics, joining the cheer team, and becoming a track star. As all these amazing things happened, I spent more time with my teacher, science guy, which quickly became something more.  Key Takeaways:   [8:30] Going to gymnastics camp aga...

As I Mother both my mom and my children at the same time, it made me contemplate what a mother is, all the things I take on, and how that impacts me. It made me think about growing up and how parenting is seen so differently these days. In this episode, I explore how my life has impacted my parenting.    Key Takeaways:   [0:39] The mental load that mothers have to take on and what it means to be o...

 As a result of trauma, boundaries have been a lifelong struggle for me. From my friendship with Robin, my friendship with Steph, and my job loss at Bow boundary crossing has followed me. I explore these 3 events in my life and how trauma has affected them. In this episode, not only do I share my journey with trauma, but also what I have begun to learn about my behavior.   Key Takeaways:    [1:15]...

The universe keeps sending me the same message: slow down, Barb! Doing six different things at once and expecting something to change is not working. So we're still here three years later contemplating self sabotage through old blog posts I've written.   Key Takeaways:   [1:35] Being indecisive, procrastinating, and a whole lot of anger [4:27] Tis the season for Spillin' The Tea [6:54] Only seeing...

I really, really struggle with self sabotage in every aspect of my life. From relationships, to not following through on things, to recreating trauma. It is an endless battle. I am working to better myself by being introspective and examining why I constantly sabotage myself and what I can do to work on it.    Key Takeaways:   [1:35] Self sabotage and regret in my life  [4:09] Physical and emotion...

Evelyn and Steven have been through the ringer after two of their siblings died as a product of addiction. They still contemplate how things could have been different and if they would have followed the same path Leslie was on. But through their grief, they tell a raw story riddled with dark humor    Key Takeaways:   [2:37] Getting close to Leslie after I got pregnant at 16 [6:18] My relationship...

Danielle cared for Lexi for 7 years as she battled a brain tumor they knew she would die from. Balancing taking care of someone she loves with also grieving them and having her life spent going from appointment to appointment was a lot - and that's an understatement. She is now learning what to do in the "after" as in after a person dies.   Key Takeaways:   [2:41] Knowing something was wrong with...

Margaret is an author who lost a brother she never even knew. The news was a shock and she wanted to know all the details. But she didn't get all the details right away, it has been years of talking to others and research that helped show how the stories we carry throughout our lives impact our everyday choices.    Key Takeaways:   [2:41] I didn't know I had a sibling that died and I needed to kno...

Patrick is 20 years old and has written a book that is filled with so much wisdom. We got to chatting about the impact of phones on society, instant gratification, his process for writing his book, and his unique outlook on life. In this episode, Patrick talks about his journey to find happiness and what he's learned along the way.   Key Takeaways:   [1:23] Patrick's basketball career and switchin...

Matt, the host of The Life Shift, came on to talk about losing his mom, perfectionism, learning new ways to grieve, and how having a podcast has been so validating. He goes through his journey of grief over a lifetime and how for so long he did what society expected of him. Now he has a different view on life and tries to share it every week.    Key Takeaways:   [1:20] Losing my mom at age 8 and n...

Gabby is the daughter of Tim who had a pig kidney put inside him, but he knows it's only a temporary fix. So it sent Gabby on a journey to initially be a possible candidate to donate her kidney, but it became so much more. It has become a journey of health - and what that means to her.    Key Takeaways:   [1:51] Gabby traveled all over the country and took care of animals  [4:33] Having a dad on d...

Highway to Hell… waitttt a minute, sorry, wrong place, although it can feel like that sometimes. In this episode, I am once again brought back to making other people comfortable in my grief. I may be at exit twenty in grief on a really good day, but the others? Well, it can feel like the highway to hell.    Key Takeaways:   [0:46] Bereaved Parents Month and my mixed thoughts on it  [3:01] The high...