A Postdoc's Journal

SEASON 2, EPISODE 8: AM I DELUSIONAL ABOUT STAYING IN ACADEMIA? This episode is about me trying to navigate the end of my postdoc. I revisit a journal entry I wrote in September 2014, when I had 4 months left on my extension to my contract. Believe it or not, I was still trying to salvage my academic career, despite it basically being impossible at this stage. I reflect on how the delay between ap...

SEASON 2, EPISODE 7: SHOULD I STAY IN ACADEMIA? This episode is about me trying to figure out how I can stay in academia. This journal entry reminded me that I actually tried really hard to stay and, today, I actually feel good knowing I tried my best. I revisit a journal entry I wrote in July 2014. This was just after the annual “Barn Seminar”, an annual tradition my boss used to host at his hous...

SEASON 2, EPISODE 6: GUT FEELINGS This episode is about using your intuition to figure out what you want. Sometimes, what you want is in conflict with the demands of the environment around you. I revisit a journal entry I wrote in June 2014. I was coming to the end of the 5 month extension of my contract and I was trying to make decisions about my long-term future in academia…and whether I should...

SEASON 2, EPISODE 5: ASKING FOR TIME OFF This episode is about taking time off from work. I examine why I used to feel quite uncomfortable asking for time off while I was a postdoc and why I feel much more comfortable with it today. I revisit a journal entry I wrote in June 2014. There was a moment of calm at work, so I was thinking about taking some holidays. This is the shortest journal entry I’...

SEASON 2, EPISODE 4: DEPRESSION This episode is my experience of depression. It is not as dramatic or as extreme as other accounts of depression you may have heard, but I think “moderate” depression doesn’t get enough attention. I revisit a journal entry I wrote in June 2014. I was hiding in the basement at work in the middle of the day, trying to figure out if I was depressed. I reflect on that e...

SEASON 2, EPISODE 3: ACCEPTANCE This episode is about accepting the negative beliefs you have about yourself. By revisiting this journal entry, I realised that I still experience the same negative thoughts today that I wrote about in the journal entry over 10 years ago, even though I am not in academia anymore. I came to the conclusion that academia was only part of the problem—the other part bein...

SEASON 2, EPISODE 2: COLLABORATION This episode is about how uncomfortable I used to feel about collaboration during my postdoc and how I started to lose the joy in things I used to love. I was lonely, but all I wanted was to be alone. With hindsight, I now know that these were the early signs of me falling into depression. I revisit a journal entry I wrote in March 2014. This was the first journa...

SEASON 2, EPISODE 1: TAKING BREAK MIGHT NOT BE THE ANSWER This episode is about returning to a stressful situation after taking a break. Unfortunately, it’s all too easy to fall back into the thought patterns and behaviours from before you left. A holiday is not always the answer. I revisit a journal entry I wrote in January 2014. This was the first journal entry of the year, just at the end of my...

BONUS: 1000 DOWNLOADS + ANNOUCEMENTS A Massive thank you to everyone who has helped me get to the significant milestone of 1000 downloads. For more information about the podcast and for my contact information, please visit https://a-postdocs-journal.captivate.fm/ Please leave a review wherever you get your podcasts! Follow me and connect with me on: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/simit_apj/...

EPISODE 12: LACK OF MENTORSHIP This is the LAST EPISODE of season 1!! In this episode of 'A Postdoc's Journal', I read a journal entry from December 2013--just after Christmas. I was at Heathrow airport waiting for my flight back to Germany, and I had some interesting revelations linking my childhood experiences to my problems as a postdoc. I discuss the value of having a change of scenery to help...

EPISODE 11: HOW TO FIGURE OUT WHAT YOU WANT In this episode of 'A Postdoc's Journal', I read a journal entry from December 2013-just before Christmas. This is a slightly different journal entry where I was collating lists of things I like and don't like about work from ANOTHER mini-journal I was keeping. This was a great tool I used to help me figure out how I like to work. If you want to try it y...

EPISODE 10: LIFE LESSONS In this episode of 'A Postdoc's Journal', I read a journal entry from December 2013. This is the fist time I started asking the pivotal question that changed my life: "Should the way I work to suit the job? Or change the job to suit the way I like to work?" I discuss how this question has guided my career choices until this day and I share some ideas about how to be kind t...

EPISODE 9: FIXED-TERM CONTRACT In this episode of 'A Postdoc's Journal', I read a journal entry from July 2013, reflecting on my contract renewal struggles and the lack of job security in academia. I discuss the challenges faced with funding gaps, self-doubt, and networking. I also explore the impact of limited networking and self-perceived inadequacies. Ultimately, this episode highlights the bro...

EPISODE 8: YEAR 1 REVIEW In this episode of 'A Postdoc's Journal', I read out a personal journal entry from December 2012—close to the end of my first year of my postdoc. I give a very harsh review of my own academic performance and share my attitudes to work and work-life balance. I also try to make some goals for the next year. It is pretty clear that I was brainwashed into the academic system,...

EPISODE 7: FEELING BULLIED In this episode of "A Postdocs Journal," we jump to the middle of October 2012, about two weeks after EPISODE 6. I discuss the challenges of changing research directions, my struggles with standing up to my boss, and the impact of past experiences (bullying, in particular) can have on professional life. Join me as I attempt to breakaway from the past by developing self-a...

EPISODE 6: IT'S NOT ENOUGH In this episode, we jump to October 2012—about nine months into my postdoc. In this journal entry, I am reviewing my year so far and I'm judging my progress (or lack of progress) quite harshly. It feels pretty sad to relive moments like this, but I do manage to find some words of wisdom in the end. Timestamps: [00:00] - Intro [03:00] - Reading [05:13] - Discussion [20:17...

EPISODE 5: WORK LIFE IMBALANCE In this episode, we jump to May 2012—about three to four months into the postdoc. At this point things still weren't going well in the lab, but I seem to be doing OK with building a life outside of work. Timestamps: [00:00] - Intro [02:56] - Reading [05:55] - Discussion [07:03] - Outro Key issues discussed: Introversion - is it a good thing or not? Should there be a...

EPISODE 4: MAYBE I'M NOT THE PROBLEM Firstly, a MASSIVE thank you to my listeners for your support so far. I reflect a little bit about what I've learned so far from all of you. In this episode, we jump to the end of March 2012—about two months into my postdoc. At this point, things still aren't going well in the lab, but I learn the value of opening up to my boss about my problems. It's a very sh...

EPISODE 3: I BLAME MYSELF In this episode, we jump to the middle of March 2012—about six weeks into my 'new' postdoc. At this point, I had started working more in the lab. Nothing was working, and I thought it was all my fault. I started burning myself out and experiencing depressive symptoms. I had no energy left for building a social life, but I tried anyway. Timestamps: [00:00] - Intro [02:22]...

EPISODE 2: FEELING SELF-CONSCIOUS In this episode, we jump February 2012—about two weeks into my new postdoc. In this entry, I'm agonizing over whether to go to a conference or not, and I try to figure out my place in my new research group...and in Germany. Timestamps: [00:00] - Intro [02:53] - Reading [07:04] - Discussion [14:05] - Outro Key issues discussed: Anxiety when joining a new group Inse...

EPISODE 1: FEELING OUT OF MY DEPTH In this episode, we jump a cold, grey December day in 2011. This is the day after my postdoc job interview. Despite being offered the job on the spot, my confidence was not running high. Timestamps: [00:00] - Intro [02:47] - Reading [06:17] - Discussion [12:39] - Outro Key issues discussed: Negative internal narrative Impostor syndrome My identity as a scientist...

EPISODE 0: INTRODUCTION In this episode, I will introduce explain what the podcast is, why I'm doing it, and who it is for. I will also introduce myself! Timestamps: [00:00] - Intro [01:00] - What is a Postdoc's Journal? [02:47] - Why am I doing this podcast? [05:02] - Who is this podcast for? [07:00] - Who is Simit Patel, PhD? [09:02] - What you can expect in the upcoming episodes For more inform...

A trailer for my new podcast: A Postdoc's Journal . A podcast by Simit Patel, PhD. Each week, I will read out entries from my own personal journal from back when I was a postdoc. Then I reflect on it, analyze it, and try to make sense of it with the benefit of hindsight. Be sure to subscribe on your favourite podcast app, to catch the first episode dropping soon.