Talking With Dr Toy

Many people in this country are enduring struggles seemingly on various fronts in their lives. Whether it be financially, relationally, mentally, physically, or spiritually, individuals are experiencing some hard times. Someone said, "just looking at the news induces anxiety and worry so how can I really believe in a scripture that says, "do not worry about tomorrow"? Many would love concrete answ...

I was reading a devotional that contained the following statement: "The fruit of the Spirit isn't produced through striving; it grows through surrender." Another verse says it this way; "Cease Striving and know that I am God." To cease striving and to surrender maybe the antithesis of what women of color have been instructed to do because for many, 'all our lives, we've had to fight." That posture...

I was talking to someone who questioned her value and worth because of the past trauma and present microaggressions she experienced. Some of us may struggle with life scripts written by others that may haunt and hinder us becoming our authentic selves. Cole Arthur Riley states, "Remind us that our dignity does not wane or bud in relations to anyone's belief in it, including our own. Let us rest wi...

I've often said that this podcast is not a substitute for therapy and I would like to encourage us to consider this as an option to improve our overall health. Some people may view receiving help as a weakness but I consider it as wisdom. We are not meant to be lone rangers in this world but oftentimes we move that way as a form of protection which eventually becomes imprisonment. Therapy could be...

Congresswoman Maxine Waters popularize this saying several years ago, "Reclaiming my time" and many Black women echoed that statement as a resounding mantra to protect their time and energy. The current conditions of our nation warrant a reminder to restate this mantra not only in word but also in deed. We do that by practicing the art of saying no and saying yes to ourselves. I encourage Black wo...

Work and productivity have been promoted as the ultimate indicators of success and achievement. At times we internalize our worth and value are tied to our productivity and work. So as long as we can produce, we're worthy and we're good enough to belong. However, there's more to you than your work, your title, and your position. Affirmation of your authentic identity anchors you in your place work...

Currently, according to several sources, "up to 600,000 to 700,000 Black women have been pushed out or left without work" due to  racial-gendered targeted and concerted efforts by principalities and rulers of darkness. Many are familiar with interpersonal racism and microaggressions, but systemic and structural racism is more insidious and invisible. So insidious, that many Black women are solely...

"This joy that I have, the world didn't give and the world can't take it away." If we're honest, at times it does seem like life and this world can extract our joy due to the targeted attacks, microaggressions, and cruelty. However, joy is not solely based on external circumstances, it's an internal well of resourcing that resides in our soul and spirit. Joy is defined as "an abiding, deep-seated...

Black women, do you have emotional safe spaces? Secondly, do you use those emotional safe spaces? An emotional safe space is where we can show up as our authentic selves with our vulnerabilities and limitations and receive nurture, care, love, and validation. Such spaces provide healing where we bask in visibility, are encouraged to take off the masks, speak our voice, and reframe from shrinking a...

This is for us! Black women need rest too. Contrary to what culture may negatively believe about Black women, we are human and deserve, rest, care, love, and nurture. The past couple of years have intensified the disenfranchisement of Black women in areas of employment, opportunities, and even in the church. It is nothing new for Black women, but the intensity is more insidious, blatant, and unapo...

Emotional wellness is a part of our holistic health. Many are very aware of their physical health, but may take for granted other aspects of their health. Emotional wellness is a foundational aspect of how we function and show up in the world, our communities, and our families. However, we may often neglect our emotional health because it is not as visible as other aspects of our health. Remember,...

"Our chief want is someone who will inspire us to be what we know we could be" is a powerful quote that may resonate with many of us during these tumultuous times. As I sat listening to the opening speeches of the Obama Presidential library, I sat as one who was a receiving a much needed cool drink of water. Sometimes you don't know how much you miss or need something until it shows up and then yo...

June is men's health and mental health awareness month with the theme, "It's not weak to speak". Emotional wellness is defined as "the ability to successfully handle life's stresses and adapt to change and difficult times." It's unfortunate that when discussing men's health, we often neglect to mention or include emotional wellness. Our mere humanity includes assessing our emotional health. NIH pr...

June is men's health and mental health awareness month to increase the normalization of discussing and addressing stigma regarding men's health and mental health. "According to the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention, men are almost four times more likely to die by suicide than women, and more than 6 million men in the U.S. experience symptoms of depression every year", yet many do not admi...

Although Mental Health Awareness Month is ending, please make sure to continue prioritizing your mental health. Investing in the lives of others is important, but that does not mean neglecting your life. Remember, "there's no health without mental health" and one way to invest in your life is to remember the circle of concern vs. the circle of control. Radically accepting that somethings are out o...

May is Mental Health Awareness Month! "Mental health is a state of mental well-being that enables people to cope with the stresses of life, realize their abilities, learn and work well, and contribute to their communities." "There is no health without mental health." However, that message doesn't always seem to resonate due to the negative stereotypes and misconceptions about mental health. Mental...

The circle of control is a powerful concept that may assist in focusing your energy on things and situations within your sphere of influence. Focusing your energy on situations and things you can control instead of those you cannot may be liberating and empowering. Some examples of things within your control include your choices, your actions, your effort, your words, your attitude, asking for hel...

The circle of control helps individuals focus their attention and energy on things within their control. The circle of control "symbolizes the areas where we can take meaningful action and make positive change." As someone stated, "some things are within our power, while others are not." Radically accepting things that are not within our control is easier said than done because of our need to cont...

Many believers celebrate and commemorate the resurrection as one of the most important demonstrations of power. The Christian church certainly emphasizes it as a distinguishing factor from other religions. The journey entailing the trauma of the Crucifixion and the renewed hope of the Resurrection is an emotional roller coaster. However, the pivotal anchor of these events is the sacrificial love o...

In celebration of  Women's history month, it's wonderful to acknowledge that we are masterpieces and significantly unique. However, we must also embrace our past with grace and compassion. There are some who continue to live in their past mistakes and failures. We may be angry, regretful, and unforgiving towards our younger selves that has induced shame and embarrassment so much so we may be exper...

March has been designated as Women's History Month which serves as a reminder of the contributions women have made in this nation. Although recognizing women's contributions are significant, we should also remember, that our very nature and humanity is just as significant. A passage states, "We are God's handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to d...

Resistance is powerful especially when it's enacted in the face of injustice and immorality. Resistance is also powerful within our personal lives and at times it can be a double edged sword. On one hand, we resist things intent on damaging our personhood and on the other hand, we may resist things that could enhance our lives. The goal is not to judge resistance, but to understand it. We seek to...

"The power of resistance lies in its capacity to foster personal growth, drive social transformation, and challenge established, often unjust, norms. It serves as a productive,, and sometimes necessary, force for change, enabling individuals to find agency, meaning, and freedom against oppressive systems or personal obstacles. It can be the catalyst for change." Black resistance is rooted in hope...

Resistance has been defined as "the refusal to accept and comply with something, the ability to withstand an adverse force, or an opposing action. The attempt to prevent something by action or argument." Resistance is a foundational pillar that fostered the ability and drive of people of color's contributions to a nation that denied their humanity. Despite the challenges and barriers, a spirit of...

Self-discovery not only takes time, intentionality, and stillness, but it also takes faith despite fear. Self-discovery can be an intimidating process because it often leads us into the unknown and that can be scary. Self-discovery shines a much needed light on areas of our lives that are tucked away and hidden possibly due to shame and discouragement. Although needed, it can induce fear and may c...