Talking With Dr Toy

When I speak to individuals about self-care, it is often equated with selfishness which has a negative connotation. When I speak of community care, showing up for others and allowing others to show up for you, there is often resistance im asking for help or leaning into the support. Why? We've been conditioned by a number of societal and cultural factors that challenge the notions of self-care and...

It is important to contextualize your life experiences. At times, our inner critic can beat us down with harsh judgments and words especially when we don't think we're operating at our best. The inner critic will remind us of how we used to perform and that presently, we're just missing the mark which can induce shame and self-loathing. However, the inner critic seldom takes into account our curre...

In times like these, it is even more important to implement strategies to take care of your holistic self. However, in order to do so in times when you're stressed and overwhelmed it is helpful to implement a brief framework to assess how you're really functioning. I suggest consistently asking yourself 3 important questions: Is this helpful for me, Is this healthy for me, and is this worth my ene...

The final segment of the National Wellness Awareness Series includes awareness, attuning, and attending to our societal well-being. Societal well-being has been defined as, "The ability to actively participate in a thriving community, culture, and environment. It involves factors like the quality of relationships, community belonging, access to resources, and the overall sustainability of social s...

When thinking about our wellness, an area that is often neglected is our workplace well-being. We often just view our workplace as a mere job that represents a means to an end. However, we often spend more time with our co-workers and in our workplace than our families and in our home. As a result, it is important to assess your workplace well-being. Workplace well-being has been defined as, "the...

August is National Awareness month which includes various types of well-being. Social well-being includes developing and maintaining meaningful relationships and social support. Due to past traumatic experiences, unhealthy and toxic relationships, and disappointments, cultivating this type of well-being can be most difficult. Although complex and difficult, it is a necessary aspect of tending to o...

August is National Wellness Awareness month which includes aspects of taking care of our holistic health. Social well-being is an aspect of wellness and has been defined as "the ability to communicate, develop meaningful relationships with others, and maintain a support network that helps you overcome loneliness." The former surgeon general pronounced loneliness and isolation as an epidemic that "...

August is National Wellness Awareness month which includes tending to our holistic health. Physical wellness matters and has been defined as "The ability to improve the functioning of our body through healthy living and good exercise habits." Physical wellness entails more than just body image which is the sole focus by some individuals. Physical wellness focuses on the actual functioning of our b...

August is National Awareness Month which in compasses many facets of wellness that include the following: Emotional, physical, social, workplace, and societal well-being. Emotional well-being has been defined as the "ability to practice stress management and relaxation techniques, be resilient, vulnerable, boost self-love, and generate the motions that lead to good feelings." Emotional wellness is...

A passage states, beloved, I wish above all things that you may prosper and be in good health, even as your soul is prospers.  August is National Wellness Awareness month with the purpose of identifying ways to prioritize our wellness which includes the following areas: emotional, social, physical, societal, and workplace.  Why dedicate a month to remind us to take care of our wellbeing? Because "...

There's a passage that states, "God is the Father of all comfort." This passage denotes that there's a need to be comforted. Comfort has been defined as "the easing or alleviation of a person's feeling of grief or distress." It seems pretty simple to accept the need to be comforted, but some struggle with this need because of the stigma of weakness and vulnerability. Some have been conditioned in...

There's a verse that states, "David was distressed...and He encouraged himself in the Lord." There are times in your life where you may also be distressed due to a number of transitions, issues, and relationship losses. The distress may be all too consuming and you're unsure of ways to navigate it. Please take time to draw from a well of encouragement so that you can encourage yourself in times li...

There's a song entitled "Walk in the light". Light illuminates and provides clarity of vision in the midst of darkness. Darkness is symbolic of some hard and difficult times that may represent what many are experiencing in this season. Darkness can be all consuming, overwhelming, and possibly cultivate a spirit of hopelessness and helplessness. However, there's a dawn that pierces through the dark...

There may be some individuals in your life that are energy vampires. Sometimes, these people are friends and families and it may be difficult navigating such relationships. There are several types of energy vampires and it will be beneficial to devise ways to effectively identify and manage these relationships. Managing these relationships are certainly a form of self-care and self-preservation. w...

Instead of asking what's wrong with an individual, the question should be asked what happened to you. This is an appropriate question to ask of people in your life who may be energy vampires.  According to Gupta, there are several ways energy vampires interact within relationships including as the constant victim and criticizer. These types of energy vampires may be stuck in loops where they can't...

As Mental Health Awareness month comes to a close, please remember that taking care of your mental health takes place 365 days a year. Awareness of Cup fillers and drainers are vital for maintaining your mental health. One cup drainer to recognize is energy vampires. "Energy vampires are people who sap your emotional energy either intentionally or unconsciously. They could be friends, family membe...

Filling your cup is not a luxury, it is truly a necessity. You are worthy to take 10 or 15 minutes from your schedule to nourish and take of yourself. You may have received messages that you're not worthy of such care, however, you are and you can make that decision to be intentional about your self-care. Please take some sacred pauses and discover ways to improve your health, preserve your peace,...

Filling your cup is not a luxury, it is truly a necessity. You are worthy to take 10 or 15 minutes from your schedule to nourish and take of yourself. You may have received messages that you're not worthy of such care, however, you are and you can make that decision to be intentional about your self-care. Please take some sacred pauses and discover ways to improve your health, preserve your peace,...

Mother's Day is a significant reminder of all the work and love mother's have poured into their family, communities, and this nation. For some, today may bring about a range of emotions from happiness, gratefulness, sadness, grief, and even regret. However, you may navigate this day, please make sure you stay connected with your experience and give yourself a cup of grace.  A wonderful way to do t...

Many counselors speak to individuals about making sure they preserve their energy by encouraging them to fill their cup. Filling one's cup simply means ensuring that their heart, mind, and even soul is nurtured and nourished with things that bring energy and life. Life can either infuse or drain individuals energy and it is important to be aware and attentive of life's cup "fillers and drainers."...

Experiencing a constant state of being overwhelmed can adversely affect thoughts, emotions, and physical wellbeing. Although we can't always control external stressors, there are some strategies we can use to more effectively manage how we respond. Investing time by implementing certain strategies may assist in stabilizing mood and decreasing stress which may increase quality and quantity of life....

Resurrection or Easter Sunday is one of the most powerful days of remembrance in Christianity. It acknowledges the horrific tragedy of a crucified savior that ultimately led to one of the most powerful comebacks in history. As some celebrate and remember that sacrifice, there's also a lesson of redemption and power applicable to one's daily life. Although there are some dark moments in life where...

Many have experienced times when being overwhelmed was not only the emotional state of the day, but the week, and possibly months. In light of the current stressors, it is quite normal to be overwhelmed. Feeling overwhelmed indicates that "individuals' resources or resilience are not equal to the stressors they are experiencing". Signs of being overwhelmed may include low energy, feeling confused,...

Emotional numbness is a freeze response in that an individual's brain shuts down as a protective response to keep them safe when the nervous system is overloaded. Emotional numbness is helpful for awhile, but there may be consequences if it persists long-term. There are several ways to navigate emotional numbness such as mindfulness strategies, body awareness, and engaging the five senses. www.tal...

Survivor mode has been described as "An informal term to describe when a person is affected by a prolonged stress response." It is a protective mechanism the body employs to protect you from danger (fight/flight/freeze/fawn). There are many characteristics of survival mode such as difficulty focusing, inability to rest, and emotional numbness. Emotional numbness " refers to a state of reduced or a...