Talking With Dr Toy

Emotional wellness is a part of our holistic health. Many are very aware of their physical health, but may take for granted other aspects of their health. Emotional wellness is a foundational aspect of how we function and show up in the world, our communities, and our families. However, we may often neglect our emotional health because it is not as visible as other aspects of our health. Remember,...

"Our chief want is someone who will inspire us to be what we know we could be" is a powerful quote that may resonate with many of us during these tumultuous times. As I sat listening to the opening speeches of the Obama Presidential library, I sat as one who was a receiving a much needed cool drink of water. Sometimes you don't know how much you miss or need something until it shows up and then yo...

June is men's health and mental health awareness month with the theme, "It's not weak to speak". Emotional wellness is defined as "the ability to successfully handle life's stresses and adapt to change and difficult times." It's unfortunate that when discussing men's health, we often neglect to mention or include emotional wellness. Our mere humanity includes assessing our emotional health. NIH pr...

June is men's health and mental health awareness month to increase the normalization of discussing and addressing stigma regarding men's health and mental health. "According to the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention, men are almost four times more likely to die by suicide than women, and more than 6 million men in the U.S. experience symptoms of depression every year", yet many do not admi...

Although Mental Health Awareness Month is ending, please make sure to continue prioritizing your mental health. Investing in the lives of others is important, but that does not mean neglecting your life. Remember, "there's no health without mental health" and one way to invest in your life is to remember the circle of concern vs. the circle of control. Radically accepting that somethings are out o...

May is Mental Health Awareness Month! "Mental health is a state of mental well-being that enables people to cope with the stresses of life, realize their abilities, learn and work well, and contribute to their communities." "There is no health without mental health." However, that message doesn't always seem to resonate due to the negative stereotypes and misconceptions about mental health. Mental...

The circle of control is a powerful concept that may assist in focusing your energy on things and situations within your sphere of influence. Focusing your energy on situations and things you can control instead of those you cannot may be liberating and empowering. Some examples of things within your control include your choices, your actions, your effort, your words, your attitude, asking for hel...

The circle of control helps individuals focus their attention and energy on things within their control. The circle of control "symbolizes the areas where we can take meaningful action and make positive change." As someone stated, "some things are within our power, while others are not." Radically accepting things that are not within our control is easier said than done because of our need to cont...

Many believers celebrate and commemorate the resurrection as one of the most important demonstrations of power. The Christian church certainly emphasizes it as a distinguishing factor from other religions. The journey entailing the trauma of the Crucifixion and the renewed hope of the Resurrection is an emotional roller coaster. However, the pivotal anchor of these events is the sacrificial love o...

In celebration of  Women's history month, it's wonderful to acknowledge that we are masterpieces and significantly unique. However, we must also embrace our past with grace and compassion. There are some who continue to live in their past mistakes and failures. We may be angry, regretful, and unforgiving towards our younger selves that has induced shame and embarrassment so much so we may be exper...

March has been designated as Women's History Month which serves as a reminder of the contributions women have made in this nation. Although recognizing women's contributions are significant, we should also remember, that our very nature and humanity is just as significant. A passage states, "We are God's handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to d...

Resistance is powerful especially when it's enacted in the face of injustice and immorality. Resistance is also powerful within our personal lives and at times it can be a double edged sword. On one hand, we resist things intent on damaging our personhood and on the other hand, we may resist things that could enhance our lives. The goal is not to judge resistance, but to understand it. We seek to...

"The power of resistance lies in its capacity to foster personal growth, drive social transformation, and challenge established, often unjust, norms. It serves as a productive,, and sometimes necessary, force for change, enabling individuals to find agency, meaning, and freedom against oppressive systems or personal obstacles. It can be the catalyst for change." Black resistance is rooted in hope...

Resistance has been defined as "the refusal to accept and comply with something, the ability to withstand an adverse force, or an opposing action. The attempt to prevent something by action or argument." Resistance is a foundational pillar that fostered the ability and drive of people of color's contributions to a nation that denied their humanity. Despite the challenges and barriers, a spirit of...

Self-discovery not only takes time, intentionality, and stillness, but it also takes faith despite fear. Self-discovery can be an intimidating process because it often leads us into the unknown and that can be scary. Self-discovery shines a much needed light on areas of our lives that are tucked away and hidden possibly due to shame and discouragement. Although needed, it can induce fear and may c...

Living a life instead of solely maintaining an image entails authenticity. "Are you living life authentically"? I like this definition of authenticity, " being genuine, real, and true to oneself, aligning actions with core values and beliefs, rather than being a counterfeit or acting based on external pressure." Self awareness, reflection, introspection, and courage are essential ingredients to li...

Rick Warren published a book entitled the Purpose Driven Life where he addresses that existential question of why am I here? You've probably asked yourself that same question and maybe you're still searching for the answer. Living a purposeful life is worth pursuing, however, what informs your definition of purpose? Does your definition of purpose simply entail impressing others and looking great...

Living a life not just maintaining an image requires intentionality, reflection, and exploring some existential questions about life. Two questions entail an acknowledgement that sometimes we live life on a stage where we're constantly trying to control and manage other's perceptions of us. At times we may contort ourselves to conform to an image that is acceptable to us and one that will be embra...

Well it's 2026 and one thing you can most certainly say is that you made it over the threshold to witness the New Year. Now that you've entered, what now? What moves or goals do you desire to accomplish this year? May I offer a suggestion? Could this be the year that you make a decision to live a life not just maintain an image? Erving Goffman popularized the concept of impression management "also...

There's a time for everything and a season for everything under the sun.  There's a time to plant, a time to uproot, and a time to tear down, and a time to build and finally a time to weep and a time to laugh. The end of year is often a time of reflection but some often avoid this practice because it may induce difficult emotions. However, for such a time as this, reflection maybe a process that h...

It's the most wonderful time of the year is a very popular Christmas song but it only speaks to one aspect of Christmas. According to research, the holidays can also be one of the most stressful, loneliness, and depressing times of the year. Stress, depression, and grief are not great marketing strategies, so happiness, gatherings, and gifts are promoted as holiday commodities. There may be few em...

It's easy to be swept up in the hustle and bustle of the season as people prepare to give and receive gifts. Although we are aware of the commercialization of Christmas, it's still difficult to resist the temptation to spend more than we have, to stress and spend endless hours searching for the perfect gifts, getting the house ready for parties and gatherings, and making sure everyone's needs are...

Are you ready? Have you been preparing and stocking your mental health toolkit to navigate this holiday season? Navigating the holiday season can present a challenge because it can be a balancing act where you're experiencing and learning to manage big and difficult emotions. As you navigate this holiday season, I'm encouraging you to check your mental health toolkit. I ask you to consider the fol...

My grandmother affectionately known as "Bigmama" would always say, "People don't have to be nice." This statement usually came as a result of someone enacting an act of kindness. Such a reflection may have been a result of both gratitude and rarity. Grateful someone showed kindness, and the perception that it is indeed rare for people to be kind. In times like these, is being a nice a rarity? Is b...

Are you ready? Yes, it's about that time. The holiday season is fast approaching and although some may experience anticipation and excitement, others are dreading it for various reasons. Some are financially struggling this season and may not be able to do all they've done in the past which may induce some shame and even embarrassment. For others, this may be the first holiday season without that...