Whimsy & Woe

A Brief History of the Baldersquash Medal Legend has it that, one day in early 1894, Dr. Heinrich Hoffman heard a knock at his door in Frankfurt, Germany. On his porch he found a single chicken, holding in its beak what appeared to be a golden coin. Fifty years earlier, Dr. Hoffman had published his classic book of poetry Struwwelpeter (or Shock-headed Peter in English). Two days later, an anonymo...

The Phone Call One day after school I came home to see A note by the phone addressed to me: “God called this afternoon for you. Call Him back at 555-4692.” Hmmm, I thought, this is mighty queer. He and I haven’t spoken in many a year. Dialing the number I got kind of nervous, Half-hoping the line would be out of service... Watch on YouTube . --------------------------------------------------------...

My Father to Save “In the end it is you who must stand alone,” Said the Wizard whose wisdom was widely known. “Your father—the King—has been brutally slain, But wallow not in your sorrow and pain. Instead form a crew of seven men brave. Lead you they will to the lair of the Beast, Who made of your father a holiday feast. For the Beast, make that lair a horrible grave.” ... Watch on YouTube . -----...

Bailey O'Bannon Bailey O’Bannon hated all that was green. “Of that color I am not so keen,” She told her parents in a fit of rage, Using words inappropriate for one of her age. “I must rid the world of that heinous hue, For I am partial to red and to blue.” So off to the local store did she run. A doubt in her mind? There was none... Watch on YouTube . ----------------------------------------...

The Bear in the Boat The bear in the boat Couldn’t float. His body weight Was too great, And he started to sink In a wink... Watch on YouTube . ---------------------------------------- Tales of Whimsy, Verses of Woe is quite possibly the most dangerous book of poetry ever written. Do you dare? It’s so good it will make you sneeze. 🤧 What becomes of a girl who absolutely detests the color green? W...

Mystery Poem Oh, when did she do it? And what did she do? For whom did she do it? And which of us knew? Where did he hide it? And how was it hid? From whom did he hide it, Wherever he did? ... Watch on YouTube . ---------------------------------------- Tales of Whimsy, Verses of Woe is quite possibly the most dangerous book of poetry ever written. Do you dare? It’s so good it will make you sneeze....

Family Rock My mother drives a hot rod car; Her Christian name is Millie. She prefers a Fender for guitar When she riffs that rockabilly. Now Daddy is the rhymin’ guy; We call him Master Pap. Hip-hop is his chosen game. Man, can that dude rap! ... Watch on YouTube . ------------------------------------------------ Tales of Whimsy, Verses of Woe is quite possibly the most dangerous book of poetry e...

The Contraption Oh, what a contraption! What a machine! I drop in a legume and out comes a Bean. In goes a femur and out pops a Bone. It makes something Bigger after it’s grown. But the Best thing of all—you’ll surely agree— Is when I tried the amazing machine on me... Watch on YouTube . ------------------------------------------------------------- Tales of Whimsy, Verses of Woe is quite possibly...

Beyond the Gate At the Gate, there stood a man Who wore a uniform of gray. A stack of papers in his hand, He asked me, “Will you pass this way?” I replied to him, “Oh, kindly guard, I do so wish this way to go. For though the way be long and hard, What is Beyond I wish to know.” ... Watch on YouTube . -------------------------------------------------------- Tales of Whimsy, Verses of Woe is quite...

Not for Naught Not for naught did I scale the great wall of cheese, But in vain did I swim the river of peas. Not for naught have I trained this rabbit of yore, But in vain has he suffered the rigors of war. Not for naught was I born with one extra toe... Watch on YouTube . ----------------------------------------------------------------------- Tales of Whimsy, Verses of Woe is quite possibly the...

The One-Man Band While I can make all kinds of noise, It’s ’specially fun to burp. And when I’ve got some extra time, I also like to slurp... Watch on YouTube . ----------------------------------------------------- Tales of Whimsy, Verses of Woe is quite possibly the most dangerous book of poetry ever written. Do you dare? It’s so good it will make you sneeze. 🤧 What becomes of a girl who absolut...

Jabber-Not ’Twas not brillig, and thus no slithy toves Did gyre and gimble in the wabe. Not quite mimsy were the borogoves And nary a mome rath even tried to outgrabe. So we—the Jabberwock and I— Decided to end our senseless strife... Watch on YouTube . ---------------------------------------------------------------- Tales of Whimsy, Verses of Woe is quite possibly the most dangerous book of poetr...

I Like the Girl I like the girl, and she likes me, But all I feel is misery. So just you think how much worse it would be, If I liked her, and she didn’t like me. Or if she liked me, but I was turned into a tree... Watch on YouTube . -------------------------------------------------------------- Tales of Whimsy, Verses of Woe is quite possibly the most dangerous book of poetry ever written. Do you...

Daddy, Oh Daddy! “Daddy, oh Daddy! A monster, I fear Is here in my room Hiding ever so near.” “Do not worry, my son,” Said my Daddy to me, “For a thing like a monster I surely don’t see.” Out came the monster from under the bed. It growled, it snarled, then bit off Dad’s head... Watch on YouTube . -------------------------------------------------------------- Tales of Whimsy, Verses of Woe is quit...

The Great Philosopher “Ignore the forest for the trees,” Thus spoke Calamaties. “And do unto others, As they do to their mothers. Sleep not for lack of trust, And mingle only when ye must. For life is but a slice of pie... Watch on YouTube . -------------------------------------------------- Tales of Whimsy, Verses of Woe is quite possibly the most dangerous book of poetry ever written. Do you dar...

Home Above the Range Oh, give me a sky Where the buffalo fly, Where the deer and the antelope soar. Where seldom is heard the song of a bird... Watch on YouTube . ---------------------------------------------------------- Tales of Whimsy, Verses of Woe is quite possibly the most dangerous book of poetry ever written. Do you dare? It’s so good it will make you sneeze. 🤧 What becomes of a girl who...

The Road Well Traveled I took the road more traveled by, And though the path was often dense, I’m thankful that I was not shy, For pilgrims many happened by... Watch on YouTube . ---------------------------------------------------- Tales of Whimsy, Verses of Woe is quite possibly the most dangerous book of poetry ever written. Do you dare? It’s so good it will make you sneeze. 🤧 What becomes of a...

Mudshakes by Mikey Step right up! Come one, come all. Grab a cup Of the Original. We’ve got Mikey’s Mudshakes here for sale, Made by the famous Mikey Moran, Professor of Mud at the College of Yale, Formerly Shaker for the King of Japan. Step right up! Hear my call: Just ten bucks And that is all.... Watch on YouTube . ---------------------------------------------------------- Tales of Whimsy, Vers...

'Twas for You ’Twas for you that I butchered the beautiful beast, And for you that I dueled with Sir Andrew the Least. For you did he fight me with anger so keen, So for you did I swallow the magical bean... Watch on YouTube . ------------------------------------------------------------------ Tales of Whimsy, Verses of Woe is quite possibly the most dangerous book of poetry ever written. Do y...

A Rope Made of Soap A rope made of soap is too slimy, And a muffin made of dirt is too grimy. A marshmallow car might be squishy, But surely a chair built of cod would be fishy. But then, taking this even further yet, Would a door made of juice be too wet? ... Watch on YouTube . -------------------------------------------------------- Tales of Whimsy, Verses of Woe is quite possibly the most dange...

A Good Morning Each morning I wake up a bit too grumpy, Because a pillow filled with gravel is too bumpy. And my bathroom faucet cannot make me clean, Since it only brings me lukewarm gasoline. I brush my teeth with superglue, And wash my face—oh yes I do— With leftover soup I find in the trash (Which leaves my skin with a nasty rash). So if you see me on the way to school And you think I look lik...

The Beast in the Cave The beast in the cave Didn’t shave. His beard grew in size Up o’er his eyes, And his whiskers grew down To the ground. He cried, “Woe is me … I can’t see!” On a stone he did trip And he tipped... Watch on YouTube . ------------------------------------------------ Tales of Whimsy, Verses of Woe is quite possibly the most dangerous book of poetry ever written. Do you dare? It’s...

The Story of Salmon Delicious There was never a fish so ambitious As the one they called Salmon Delicious. “If I must be eaten,” he told a friend, “In the mouth of the King will I meet my end.” So Salmon swam all around on the look For a royal worm on a golden hook... Watch on YouTube . ---------------------------------------------------- Tales of Whimsy, Verses of Woe is quite possibly the most d...

The Boy on the Hill The boy on the hill Grew a gill. “Why, that is absurd!” Said the bird. “Of use might it be In the sea, But you haven’t a prayer In the air.” So the boy with the gill Left his hill... Watch on YouTube . --------------------------------------- Tales of Whimsy, Verses of Woe is quite possibly the most dangerous book of poetry ever written. Do you dare? It’s so good it will make yo...

Sleep Through the Night “Sleep through the night Without fright!” I yelled heartily Out of glee To the townspeople all In the hall. “The Monster of Dread Is now dead; And Sir Lancelot slew The Goblin of Rue. So raise up your voice..." Watch on YouTube . --------------------------------------------------- Tales of Whimsy, Verses of Woe is quite possibly the most dangerous book of poetry ever w...