We Are Not Fvcking

On a trip from Lagos to Ilorin, Joshua got pulled over at an Oyo checkpoint and spent three hours at a police station where men without name tags searched every message on every phone, trying to find a reason to charge him with something. Also: the return trip (where it happened again), weeks without electricity, Red Flame disappointing everyone, and why nobody's getting their PVC in time for...

Ebele spent 10 hours in a hair salon this week. She also got into a fight with her old stylist. Joshua raved about his masseuse. And then we get into one a debate: should you actually wait till marriage?

Joshua has a theory about Lagos Life, the Nigerian game currently eating the internet. Then things get personal: a week of warfare with MTN, the saga of a joint First Bank account opened with an ex at university (and the years of fraudster drama that followed), and the question every Nigerian is quietly asking — who exactly asked for Customer Service Week? The broadcast messages have to stop. Foll...

In this episode of the We Are Not Fvcking podcast, we kick things off with an overpriced Chinese restaurant experience in Lagos and an impromptu beach trip, before diving headfirst into an honest conversation about entering our mid-20s. From comparison traps and seeing younger artists make it big, to battling creative burnout and the dread of a quarter-life crisis—we lay it all out. As always, we...

In Part 2 of our Lagos house hunting saga, Joshua continues the unfiltered journey through the chaotic world of Mainland rentals, shady agents, and unbelievable inspections. From "WhatsApp expectations" versus the grim reality of shower heads mounted directly over toilets, to agents hiking prices mid-drive and landlords demanding ridiculous terms—we break down why renting in Lagos has be...

Joshua has been house hunting in Lagos. He's defeated. He spent the week walking through streets with Blackwater and refuse, meeting agents who show you houses that aren't actually for rent, who say ₦2 million and then it becomes ₦3.65 million by the time the "total package" is calculated. One bus ride where the woman next to him tried to fight a grandmother over whether her kid...

There's a patron saint for rats. There's a patron saint for finance. There's a patron saint for finding love. There's a saint for literally everything. Ebele is Catholic. Joshua grew up Pentecostal and he's genuinely confused. So we spent an hour on it. Also in this one: Ebele's thoughts on who the real Antichrist is , and a round of Who's Most Likely To. Catholic or Pe...

Okay okay okay, Ebele didn't actually leave, her period took her. You get me solo today, rambling into the camera . In this one: I'm officially house hunting in Lagos, the leaky roof that's finally pushing me out of my current place, the TikTok house scams making agents 100K a day just off inspection fees, a rant about the science of periods, and a much longer rant about AI — where it&...

BEYONCE! That's it. That's the episode. Ebele went to Beyoncé's birthday party in Lagos (Beyoncé wasn't there, obviously). Joshua thinks she's insane for going. So we spent an hour arguing about why it made sense Also: a guilty pleasure riddle game where the clues sound scandalous but the answers are clean, and the Olivia Rodrigo / Sabrina Carpenter drama Ebele still has opinio...

This started as a chit-chat about Ebele's new crush and somehow ended with us spiralling about turning 25. Because nobody warns you. The panic doesn't hit at the birthday. It hits three weeks later when you're filling out a skincare form and it drops you into "25 to 34" like you're already halfway to 50. We got into it: the pushing-30 spiral, watching your peers get marri...

When did kissing stop telling a story? Are we all just kissing on the way to something else? Is there such a thing as a bad kisser, or did you just not like the person? And what does it mean when your co-host cites Love Island's Gabe as evidence? Also in this one: a passionate rant about how homework is basically child labor and school was preparing us for 9-to-5 without us noticing, the Niger...

Do you believe in juju? Ghosts? God? We couldn't stop pulling on that thread today. We also played "This or That" and got into the classic Nigeria question: stay as a big boy here, or start over abroad? Do you believe in juju? Tell us — we're @wearenotfvcking everywhere. New episodes every Monday.

We tried to play "Say the Same Word" — a game where we throw out words back-to-back until we land on the same one. It took us ten minutes to say "Merry Christmas." We got there eventually. Also in this one: the World Cup and whether women only watch football for the fine men, the friend whose birthday present was a rented horse, and my driver's license saga — because "...

Also in this one: Unilorin is dead (a rant), the reviews you should be leaving but aren't, and a wild story about a Nigerian guy who got sponsor-scammed into sending pictures. Sexuality is a spectrum. Wash your face. Have you ever been perceived as something you're not? Tell us — we're @wearenotfvcking everywhere. New episodes every Monday.

Twin sister is sick. Older brother makes noodles and refuses to wash the pot. Younger sibling asks him nicely — he throws his phone and threatens violence. AITA? We read the Reddit post and immediately picked opposite sides. Also: a woman had a Nigerian man's baby, he ghosted the whole pregnancy, came back for a green card, and is now demanding to change the baby's last name. Reddit Court...

Before you close the tab: no, we don't actually mean bullying-bullying. Hear us out. We're talking about the character-building stuff — being booed off stage, roasting your friends, learning to take a hit without falling apart. The kind of thing that used to build spines. Also in this one: how a boy used feminism as bait to lure someone into an MLM, an art-of-lying confession involving pla...

Is "that's just how I was raised" an excuse for being an asshole — or an explanation we should give people more grace for? We got there through a strip club story and our alcohol origin stories, but the meat of it is a real argument: about misogyny, comedy, personal responsibility, and whether ignorance is ever a valid defense. We started on different sides. We roughly met in the mid...

Friends actors dying somehow became a movie about reincarnation, which became a genuinely important conversation about the perfect poop, which became the wildest twin story we've ever heard, which became a debate about whether poor people should have kids, which became Pick Your Poison. We contain multitudes. Tell us which Pick Your Poison you'd pick — we're @wearenotfvcking everywhere...

If you had three wishes, what would they actually be? We tried to answer honestly and it got weird — money as a colonial concept, whether the perfect man exists, a world without religion, and one childhood confession about wanting to be a fairy in Winx Club. Two adults, one impossible question, and a lot of tangents in between. Tell us your three wishes — we're @wearenotfvcking everywhere. New...

This country is in shambles — and this week proved it. Camera repair scams, WhatsApp disappearing messages (why??), Lagos traffic that made no sense, a security guard who accused Ebele's sister of theft, another one who watched Joshua's bicycle get stolen — and somehow, all of it comes back to the same thing. Nigeria's problem isn't only the government. It's us. It's the me...

Welcome to the We Are Not Fvcking Podcast. Glad to have you here. Enjoy the episode.

Welcome to the We Are Not Fvcking Podcast. Glad to have you here. Enjoy the episode.

Welcome to the We Are Not Fvcking Podcast. Glad to have you here. Enjoy the episode.

We went to Love In The Boulevard

The Politics of Friendship