Top 5 at Five

A school shooting shakes Minneapolis to its core; Trump slaps India with a 50% tariff like it’s Black Friday gone wrong; DC’s Union Station turns into Fort Trump; Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce break the internet with their engagement; and Trump tries to DJ the Federal Reserve like it’s his personal money machine. Kids in church, tariffs at Walmart, stormtroopers at the train station, pop’s reignin...

While New York was busy sweeping Boston and clowning the Mets, the rest of the country got hit with some serious headlines: Biden’s facing down aggressive prostate cancer, Trump told Walmart to “eat the tariffs” like he forgot how inflation works, Elon’s chatbot went full extremist before xAI could pull the plug, a New Orleans jail pulled off the dumbest escape since Mario Bros., and Sesame Street...

The U.S. and China sign a trade truce with an expiration date. Trump suddenly loves pharma price caps—as long as he gets credit. Bill Gates hits the gas on giving it all away. White South Africans get the refugee fast lane while TPS holders get ghosted. And YouTube? Just figured out Shrek 5 was fake. Classic.

Today updates: Newark air traffic controllers go full bird box after a 90-second radar blackout—and now 20% of them are on mental health leave. Meanwhile, Powell hits pause on rate hikes while Trump rage-posts like it’s the cure for inflation. Over in Vatican City, it’s Conclave IRL as 133 cardinals pick a new pope. Plus, India and Pakistan decide peace was overrated, and high schoolers are turnin...

Still shaking off that Cinco fog? Don’t worry, I got you. Today we’re breaking down Trump’s bizarre real estate pitch to Canada, the VA’s head-scratching decision to yank a foreclosure lifeline from veterans, and Rockstar’s shiny new GTA VI trailer that dropped right before they told us we’ll have to wait another full-ass year. Plus: trans rights on trial at SCOTUS, and why Alex Karp just made mor...

Trump goes on national TV and says the Constitution is more of a suggestion than a rulebook. Student loan collections are officially back, so ignore those notices at your own risk. Meanwhile, scientists manage to teleport quantum data through regular internet cables, the White House wants to bribe undocumented immigrants with $1,000 to leave, and one Pennsylvania teacher proves $20 and a little em...

Pope Francis is gone, and with him ends one of the most headline-generating papacies in modern times. President Trump’s threats to the Fed have the dollar in freefall, ChatGPT’s getting politely bankrupt, and the NBA Playoffs have entered their chaos era. We end with something rare: an actual feel-good story out of Tennessee that doesn’t involve country music or BBQ.

Florida State goes on lockdown, Puerto Rico goes dark (again), and Trump’s still trying to fire people he legally can’t touch. Meanwhile, China bans self-driving hype while Tesla continues cosplaying as a tech god, and a ranch dog in Montana makes everyone else look lazy. It’s the Top 5 @ 5—and this week, even the good news comes with fur.

Trump’s back on his “lock her up” arc—except this time it’s Letitia James, and he’s the one begging the DOJ for a criminal referral. Meanwhile, Jerome Powell politely drags Trump’s tariff tantrum while Elon’s baby count quietly sneaks into NBA team territory. Plus: a rare feel-good win from Trump on prescription drug prices (we said rare, not fake), and we end in Michigan, where 300 people formed...

From federal shakedowns at Harvard to zombie chicken diplomacy, today’s episode has it all. JD Vance fumbles the football—literally—at the White House, Trump wants history class to skip the bad parts, and Jack Black tries to save movie theaters one chicken jockey at a time. Plus, Meta offers the FTC pocket change to settle a $30 billion antitrust case. So yeah… things are going great.

Trump cozies up to Bukele and shrugs off the Supreme Court like it’s spam mail, KFC wants your morning breath to taste like drumsticks, TikTok becomes China’s luxury goods showroom thanks to a backfiring tariff war, Southern California gets rattled—again—and Paige Bueckers signs a deal that makes the WNBA look like the unpaid internship of pro sports. All that and more on today’s Top 5 @ 5, where...

Trump’s about to ghost Elon, TikTok’s getting wrapped in a flag and sold for parts, and Mayor Adams just walked out of federal court like it’s an episode of Suits. Plus, the NFL finally fixes its overtime mess, and the most heartwarming story of the week is coming straight outta San Quentin—yep, prison puppies are the emotional support story you didn’t know you needed.

Trump declares a new holiday and it’s just tariffs in drag. OpenAI grabs $40 billion while Elon fumes in a corner. Cory Booker talks for 19 straight hours and somehow still doesn’t filibuster. France kicks Marine Le Pen off the 2027 ballot and the far-right eats itself alive. And corporate April Fools’ jokes continue their war on comedy—with chip sandwiches, BBQ lipstick, and a candle that smells...

From baseball bats built like missiles to precinct pranks gone full psycho, today’s Top 5 is a chaos buffet. We’re talking Yankees going nuclear at the plate, a Jersey police chief running the world’s grossest HR department, Trump flirting with a third term (again), submarines full of cocaine, and a massive earthquake rocking an already unstable Myanmar. It’s politics, sports, crime, and cocaine—w...

Trump’s crew thinks a Signal group chat is a secure comms channel—spoiler, it’s not. Meanwhile, the administration walks away from Saudi talks with less than a ceasefire but more than zero, Diddy gets half a lawsuit dropped, and an Oscar-winning Palestinian filmmaker gets arrested for existing. Plus, your women’s March Madness bracket is about to get wrecked.

Private chats re Houthi attacks in Yemen in Signal got leaked to a journalist like it was WhatsApp in 2012, Trumpito’s back in court doing his best impression of a man who’s never read the Constitution, and 23andMe just filed for bankruptcy—which, let’s be real, is poetic for a company that sold your DNA like Groupon coupons. We say goodbye to the champ George Foreman, grill king and heavyweight i...

Hollywood meltdowns, billion-dollar sports sales, and the government making moves no one asked for—welcome to another day in 2025. We break down Gal Gadot’s protest-filled Walk of Fame ceremony, Disney’s Snow White disaster (spoiler: it’s bad), and why Boston fans just got even more unbearable with the Celtics’ $6.1 billion sale. Then, Trump decides schools are overrated and signs an executive ord...

A $95 million Texas Lottery hack that might get shut down, the JFK files drop that wasn’t the bombshell some hoped for, Trump’s FTC purge and Musk’s Social Security overhaul, RFK Jr.’s bird flu “strategy” (spoiler: it’s chaos), and Drake suing UMG over a diss track… and getting roasted in court. Plus, a 3-year-old hero saves the day. Stay tuned for the best, the worst, and the downright ridiculous...

Trumpito is back at it—spinning a non-ceasefire in Ukraine, throwing tantrums about judges, and quietly rehiring the government workers he fired. Roku is testing autoplay ads before you even reach the home screen (gross). Meanwhile, Forever 21 is finally shutting its doors for good, aka Temporary 21, and the great black spatula panic turned out to be a whole lot of nothing. But don’t worry—it’s no...

Happy Monday, Top 5 fam! Today, we’re breaking down the weekend’s wildest news: Trump ignored a judge and shipped Venezuelan gangsters to El Salvador anyway, Arlington Cemetery casually erased minority war heroes (history? who needs it?), and Amazon decided your Echo should record your every whispered secret—because privacy is so 2024. Plus, Harvard finally shares some of its cash mountain, Biden’...

Government shutdown averted, but at what cost? Waymo’s ex-CEO calls Tesla’s robotaxi launch a total scam. An American Airlines plane literally caught fire in Denver. Plus, Trump’s bold tax plan and the push to shut down the Department of Education. It’s a wild one—let’s get into it.

Happy Monday! Today we start with the updated CDC guidelines around fully vaccinated people; What the hell is an NFT and why are they selling for so much? Want to buy this episode? Hit the link below ;) ;Blake Griffin is now officially a member of the Brooklyn Nets. How many stars do they have now?; Google promises to stop tracking you, as long as you don't use any Google products; Tesla batteries...

It's Tuesday. We start today by talking about the non-action the USA has placed against Saudi Arabia after determining MBS was responsible for the killing of Jamal Khashoggi; Texas beats the VID and removes mask mandates (unless they didn't and they're just being stupid); They're taking away your beloved Dr. Seuss books, if you can actually remember any of these titles; Microsoft introduces Mesh,...

Happy Monday! In today's show we start with the updates on Governor Cuomo's situation from over the weekend; The $1.9T relief bill looks to move forward, but leaving $15/hr Federal Minimum wage behind; The French have convicted former President Sarkozy of corruption, and that sounds like it could be a great American headline in 2 years; Instagram launches Live Rooms: now stream with even more peop...

It's Thursday ya'll. Today we talk about Pfizer testing a 3 booster shot for the vacuna; Gov Cuomo's being accused of a lot lately, and he has a lot to answer for; Twitter introduces 2 new interesting features; China's being anal again with their testing; Lady Gaga's dogs were stolen and her dog walker shot in LA