The Podcastaways

We found a $40 million cruise ship for sale, and naturally, we’ve decided our listeners should buy it for us. Welcome to the Podcastaways Cruise Line—our entirely imaginary business venture featuring Carnival status matching, a deck full of cats, free-range chickens, and loyalty tiers that somehow involve watching Thomas do laundry. What could possibly go wrong? Before our business plan sinks, Tre...

It is Steve’s birthday, it is nearly Jen’s birthday, and it is the tenth anniversary of the bachelor party where Trevor met a guy named Ralph in a casino bathroom. It is also the week Jen’s computer decided to overheat, freeze, zoom in to unflattering HD, and restart, which she accepted with more grace than any of this deserved. Carnival announced that starting December 1st, standalone beverage pa...

Jenn is away, which means Trevor and Thomas have been left unsupervised. Naturally, a conversation about cruise bargains ends with a hypothetical spider rescue mission. This week, we break down Margaritaville at Sea’s annual cruise pass and its fine print—then ask the big question: would you pay $4,000 for a similar pass from Carnival? It’s our imaginary offer, but the debate is very real. We also...

Title: Sake Happens: The FRGC 4 Afterparty! Description: An oversized bottle of sake, a Family Feud team name that needed censoring, and a search party for Trevor. Yep—we’re back from FRGC 4, and the stories deserve their own afterparty! Trevor, Thomas, and Jenn reunite to unpack eight days of Carnival cruising chaos, including Celebration Key cabanas, exploring Half Moon Cay, and a spa elevator s...

Trevor has declared this a spider-free episode. It does not stay a spider-free episode. Carnival Tropicale opened for booking this week — the last Excel-class ship, arriving in Galveston in 2028, which gives Galveston two Excel ships and gives Carnival a reason to finally do something different. Tropicale drops BOLT entirely in favor of Sun Station Point, a new zone anchored by Carnival WaterWorks...

Fifteen days out and the Golden Crew is fully unraveling. Tom is convinced Trevor and Jen are colluding against him, Jen discovers her Status Progress says "Red," and Trevor sets a 10:50 PM alarm for the first time in his adult life just to be first through online check-in. The new Carnival Rewards program went live and the internet lost its mind — Platinum members logging in to find zer...

Two weeks in a row! Jen made it through a whole episode, mostly, and only got mad about the cruise she isn't going on. Trevor is one week from check-in, Tom did not post Flat Jen, and there are consequences coming for that. John Heald had to remind everyone on Facebook that crew members are not permitted to accept homemade food — sealed and packaged is fine, mystery Tupperware is not — and the...

Jen's back from jury duty, which she insists was more important than this show (it was), and she has strong opinions about a burrito in downtown Stockton. In her absence, Trevor and Tom recorded an episode with seven guests — John Heald, Britney Spears, Taylor Swift, Dog the Bounty Hunter — and then refused to release it out of spite. You'll have to take their word for it. On the actual ne...

Jen's back! After a Day One that ended with a Cartman GIF and a "screw you guys, I'm going home," the Golden Crew is finally three-strong again — and immediately gets distracted by Christmas trees in August, a heart-having cat named Flinty, and Trevor's alleged palace of multiple living rooms. Then, actual cruise news: Carnival Pride is testing Jotun's Hull Skater, a robo...

The Golden Crew is back at full strength! Jen returns from two weeks on Kauai with a full scouting report on Puka Dog (verdict: not a sandwich, don't ask Thomas), Trevor discovers Peruvian food in DC and spends his trip pointing at monuments, and Tom... stayed home. Sorry, Bub. This week's main event: things you will NEVER hear a veteran cruiser say. "I wish they'd bring back the old muster drill....

Jen has abandoned us for a surfing tournament in Hawaii (allegedly), so Trevor and Tom hold "auditions" for her replacement — and in walks Brando of PB&J Travels, the second man Trevor has legally exchanged vows with at sea. Shaq was there in spirit. This week: Royal Caribbean wants YOU to name its new Discovery Class ship, and we regret to inform them that Shippy McShipface of the Seas is ine...

The Golden Crew has company this week — Amanda and Josh Barmore join us to officially unveil FRGC5! We're sailing Royal Caribbean's Allure of the Seas in September 2027 to Perfect Day at CocoCay, the brand-new Cabo Rojo in the Dominican Republic, Aruba, and Curaçao. Yes, we're taking Jen back to the desert. Along the way: Amanda and Josh explain how MSC Yacht Club turned them into peop...

The Golden Crew is back and dangerously patriotic for a Fourth of July special. Trevor, Tom, and Jenn open with holiday plans that range from "community band concert, then maybe the casino" to "stay home and make sure the neighbors don't burn the house down," before digging into what Carnival's got cooking for America's birthday: seven ships meeting up near Celebrat...

Trevor and Jenn hold down the fort solo this week — and yes, we noticed it's quiet. #WheresThomas? He's off visiting family, reporting in dutifully from each Buc-ee's along the way (a sacred roadside service to one's country, apparently). We get into the Great Buc-ee's Sameness, the FGGC road trip that "disintegrated into madness," and why no two Golden Crew members s...

This week the Golden Crew assembles to pay tribute to a legend: after nearly 40 years with Carnival, John Heald is stepping back from full-time Facebook duty, and we are Very Emotionally Normal about it. We honor the man the only way we know how — by spending 45 minutes on summer camp, a cult tangent, the new Carnival loyalty cards (now in portrait mode , truly groundbreaking), and a SpeakPipe fro...

The Golden Crew is back from a short hiatus — read: Tom turned 50 and somehow scored a birthday video from Mick Foley himself (all thanks to Jenn, naturally). We kick things off with a brand-new game Madison cooked up: A Free Cruise, But… Trevor, Tom, and Jenn each get their fate dealt, and before it's over Jenn has adopted an emotional-support seagull named Patricia and Tom is doing the nine-...

Two weeks away and the Golden Crew comes back swinging — through some technical chaos that briefly ejected Tom from his own show (we're fine, he's fine, the audio's mostly fine). 🚢 On this episode: Mexico shuts the door on Royal Caribbean's "Perfect Day Mexico" in Costa Maya, and Trevor delivers a Spanish-language performance so cursed it should've been the lawsuit....

The Golden Crew is BACK after a week off (sorry Tom, your mom's move was worth it) and we are loaded down with cruise news, speakpipe love, and one very questionable tattoo conversation. First up — Tom's mom has officially landed in Tulsa, which means Tom is now headed to Dallas because apparently you CAN have too much of a good thing. He's got 60 days, a two-bedroom apartment, and pre...

Five years and 200+ episodes in, Trevor, Tom, and Jen pull up the very first episode of the show and put their original cruise tips on trial. Which ones still hold up? Which ones aged like milk? Spoiler: "turn your phone on airplane mode" is still solid advice, and yes, you should still skip the $30 souvenir drink cup. Along the way: a heads-up that Chichén Itzá is no longer allowing bac...

The Golden Crew is fully reunited — and Tim from the future is calling the shots. Trevor, Tom (aka "Babyface," a nickname he did NOT approve), and Jenn are back together after last week's two-person experiment, and the gang wastes no time getting into it. On deck this week 🚢: 🍗 Chicken, Waffles & Waves — John Heald dropped the brand new lunch menu being tested on the Liberty, C...

Tom ditched us. Baby face Kennedy shaved, got a life, and left Trevor and Jenn to hold down the fort — and honestly? They managed just fine. This week the dynamic duo digs into Royal Caribbean reshuffling ships in Galveston, the Carnival Spirit's mysterious "unexpected modification" that cost passengers a trip to Bimini, and the big menu news Tom tipped them off about before ghosting...

This week, Trevor, Tom, and Jenn have officially signed with Margaritaville at Sea... or have they? The Golden Crew is back with the most confidently wrong cruise advice ever recorded. From bringing bags of oranges to fight scurvy, to wearing a full tuxedo on the water slide, to paying for onboard shopping with homemade "Carnival Fun Bucks" — this episode is absolutely NOT a guide to cru...

The Golden Crew is back and somehow the biggest cruise industry debate this week isn't about loyalty programs or port fees — it's fried chicken. Tom decided to slide into John Heald's DMs with some constructive criticism about Carnival's fried chicken and biscuits, and John's response was... diplomatic. His dog Quantum, however, was not having a great day either, and we have re...

The Golden Crew is back and absolutely unhinged as ever. First, big congrats to Tom — his brass band took home a win this weekend, which means Trevor and Jenn have exactly zero excuses next time they lose anything. We kick off the news with some ACTUAL good news: the Carnival Jubilee scored a perfect 100 on its CDC health inspection — that's a first since its 2023 launch, and our home port of...

he Golden Crew is back, and this week Trevor runs through a comprehensive list of the most bizarre rules and banned items across cruise lines — from Samsung Galaxy Note 7s still being on Disney's no-go list to non-collapsible lightsabers being classified as weapons. Plus, Carnival bans upside-down pineapple behavior, Tom barely survives Oklahoma tornado season, the crew debates Carnival's new brun...