My Spouse Died Too

The last doctor visit, and why Jane's doctor cries. Hope discussion. Did Jarie have a hope stopping point, like I did?   What love is. Jane's last written words, delivered to Jarie, after Jane dies.   Now, how Jarie lives each day, even if it's a shytty day. Try this.   Love after Jane. Is soon, too soon? Define soon. Dating and guilt.   No one else knows your path. If you're uncertain (scared to...

Vaping to cope. THC and CBD. Jane needs Jarie to be her ROCK. Failure lump in Jarie's throat. The feeling…how anxiety and stress manifest themselves. When Jarie, the man who loves a plan, asks himself "How am I going to fix this?" And then realizes "I can't fix this!" Chemotherapy ravages—Jarie buzzes off Jane's long black hair.   Freezing your embryos. Jarie and I have a gut-wrenching intimate di...

If you marry, and mark your day with ceremony, you might include these wedding vows: To have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love, cherish, and to obey, till death do us part. Half-easy to recite, but fulfill—a Sisyphean effort. Widowed guest co-host and author Jarie Bolander joins us.   Jarie's book is titled: Ride Or...

Gut-busting, emphatic, grand finale. First, listen someplace where it's safe to pee your pants. Why Susan's Uber driver advises her to lock the hotel door and under no circumstances come out until morning.   Pretending all is okay--when it's not. Telling your family to shut the fuctuplets up. Is God kept on retainer? The High School Provocative Classmates Widow Group.   Susan Can't imagine falling...

Morphine, ahhhhh. Mark's last days.   Wait, what about Sofie, Mark's dying dog? The last goodbye. Mark and Sofie wear American football team Green Bay Packers sweatshirts. From the Woo Woo and Taboo Department: before Susan's birth, her mom bore a son. He died at birth. Like a shameful secret, never discussed. So how does Susan's four-year-old son know about Susan's late infant brother? Now alone,...

Widowed dynamo Susan Yelton jumps into action as my guest co-host in this first episode of a whirl-wind 3 part series. The series makes you: question, agree, cry, laugh, piss you off, shake your head and your fist, say oh my gosh, and holy shyt. Susan even makes me blush! In a later episode we talk about sexuality…just listen for yourself.   You hear me turn red. A Baptist preacher's daughter, at...

"Are you sitting down?" When you answer your phone and the caller says this, does lousy news always ensue? Kady ruminates over how to deliver bad news to her teen daughter. Grief ambushes Kady. Kady details her  what-ifs.  Mourning what you thought could be. What Kady believes causes her grief—an eloquent explanation. Can death deliver relief? Kady's fear-filled recurring nightmare about Mikey. If...

Kady gives Mikey an ultimatum. Mother's little helper (the Xanax kind). Granting extra chances (breaking boundaries to stanch your pain and unease?) Kady says, "I don't need a man." Meet Kady's condominium complex busybody matchmaker, aka, Miss Pat. Wisdom from grandma. A s uicide threat. Might Kady move in with a man? A poignant proposal. And Kady gets an unforeseen telephone call about her ex, M...

You might label Kady's Ex a "major dyck head." Today, Kady and her new husband celebrate ten-plus years with two kids—a teen and a five-year-old. (The Ex fathered Kady's teen). And then Kady's Ex dies.   Grief ambushes Kady. Secretly grieving, Kady struggles to make sense of it. Embarrassment and shame pile on. Kady doesn't want to tell anyone. And why might someone grieve the death of a major dyc...

Welcome to part 2: Loss and Grief Personal Stories of Doctors and Other Healthcare Professionals , with my guest co-host Linda Klein. Linda is co-editor of the book Loss and Grief Personal Stories of Doctors and Other Healthcare Professionals . I shamelessly ripped off the book's title for the podcast episode title because it makes sense. If you haven't listened to part 1, please do that first to...

Why do professionals, surrounded by death, loss, and grief, think they must hold their shyt together for their patients, family, and themselves? For years, these professionals have been expected to bury their emotions, suck it up, and move on. Present stoically. No one must know if you seek therapy. Any sign of grief is weakness. A liability. A career impediment. What will my colleagues think of m...

Do men only care about this one thing? Putting up with abuse for too long? The Devil you know vs. The Devil you don't. Is online dating a parade of emotionally bankrupt individuals? Reality check: Recovery from losing your spouse… is bloody and painful.   Debbie's next devastating loss—her girlfriend group abandons her. Hear why. Beware, the astonishing power of loneliness.   Waiting too long to m...

After George's death, Debbie feels she doesn't deserve a future. Here's how she conquers that poisonous head trash. How colossal loneliness leads to a first intimate encounter. What really helps Debbie. How Debbie gains feedback to repair her life. Life when you are used to being half of a couple. Debbie Joins a Car Club. Why?   Why Debbie named her web and blog site: TheHungoverWidow.com . How to...

Widowed guest co-host Debbie Weiss joins us. Debbie is an author and blogger from the San Francisco Bay area.  Debbie just published her memoir: Available As Is  - A Midlife Widow's Search For Love Since Debbie's high school prom, George is her man. For over 30 years, Debbie and George dine together almost every night—then curl up in bed to wake up each morning beside each other.   After meeting a...

In this final episode, Derek goes back to work and details his challenges as a single dad. Then Derek describes how his impulsive Facebook birthday wishes to a former high school classmate four months after Emily passed, turn into a coffee date…and more. Now , Derek contemplates dating, the timing since Emily's death, and the confusion he feels, mixed with grief. Derek tells us how he meets one-on...

Deep into treatment, Derek's young wife Emily seeks a second opinion with the world-renowned cancer specialists at MD Anderson in Houston Texas. You'll hear what the doctors say, their plan.   How Derek compartmentalizes:  One moment he's a husband, the next, he's a caregiver, and at the same time, father to their baby boy.  Wearing three hats, how does he do this? You'll hear why Derek had to smu...

Newlyweds in their twenties, Derek and Emily dreamt of parenthood with a kid-filled home. For six years, pregnancy eluded Derek and Emily.  One afternoon, during the summer of 2019, Emily gives Derek miraculous news "You're going to be a Dad." Infinite joy unleashes. Six months later, it's January 2020, right before the Covid-19 pandemic erupts. Emily's textbook perfect pregnancy progresses. Just...

"How does one recover from narcissistic abuse?" Molly explores the question. You'll hear how, despite the years of psychological abuse, Molly conjures the courage, embodies resilience, and chooses to face her new life to rise from the ashes like a Phoenix. When I shared with Molly the words "…to rise from the ashes like a Phoenix," she laughed nervously because this is unbearable. A Sisyphean task...

Warning: Crash helmet is required for this mind-bending episode because Molly blows the roof off! If you haven't listened to parts 1 and 2, do that first or you'll be lost. Here are the links to Part 1 and  Part 2. Elusive puzzle pieces and climactic revelations clearly appear. The breadcrumbs, all the clues MolIy drops, lead to what I call the inconceivable twist . Molly grieves Dick's death. But...

In this episode (2 of 4), Molly's husband Dick makes one last-ditch effort to counter his failed treatments and inescapable prognosis. Dick receives a fortuitous referral to visit an eminent cancer doctor specializing in Dick's exact diagnosis. This doctor is at a top research facility globally—Sloan Kettering Cancer Center in Manhattan, New York City. You'll hear what the doctor says about Dick's...

Widowed guest co-host Molly Murphy joins us. But there's a catch. Molly Murphy isn't her real name. Molly tells her story with an alias, a fake name because she must protect the truly innocent and the potentially guilty. Every widow or widower's story and grief is custom-made. And yes, all our stories share similarities, including Molly's, but in the end, Molly's story has a twist, and it's is an...

Stumbling and bumbling, Barb Flynn and I finish my Match online dating application. This is part two. If you missed part one, you can click and listen to it here . Barb and I read and comment on actual women's profiles matched to mine. If someday you might consider dating, or if you're already active with a dating app, listen carefully because Barb gives loads more insight, tips, and warnings.  Pl...

WARNING. This two-part series is R-rated. If curse words and sexual innuendo don't send you running, then stick around. Guest co-host Barb Flynn kindly walks me through the actual live sign-up and setup of the Match.com online dating profile. We set my profile up because after four dates with the first woman I dated (since my late spouse)—things ended—she rekindled a past romance. Great experience...

Beer-infused evening ramble continues! Barb Flynn and I recorded just twenty-four hours before my upcoming third date with Miss Kayak. In this episode, I share what I believe is the most important part of an online dating profile— the written summary—this is where you say something about yourself. My list exhausts. I'm told by "dating experts" it's too long. You might be amused or alarmed by what...

Should I Make My Online Dating Profile Now? Returning guest co-host Barb Flynn helps set up my online dating profile. Barb's deadpan sense of humor plays well with mine—naturally, we go off into the weeds (figuratively). We discuss gobs! Warning: Barb and I drank beer before and during recording, but I sound like I beer-bonged espresso—maybe because I was both anxious and delighted to record. Also...