Human Suit

I met a human who made my tummy feel like fireworks and static. No idea what’s going on. Might be a virus. Or feelings. Caution: sparkles detected. Proceeding anyway.

I compiled a list of fun facts about myself because apparently humans like that. Listen responsibly. Side effects may include sudden affection for aliens.

In this episode, I discover that “needing space” doesn’t involve actual stars or interdimensional travel. Also, I try to protect Luna from the mean ones. I’ll be at the rooftop, do not disturb unless snacks.

In this episode, I investigate Earth’s most famous alien hotspot, Area 51. Spoiler: zero aliens, questionable fencing, and absolutely no snacks. P.S. I’m officially rating it two stars.

In this episode, I fall into the endless vortex of anime. There are dramatic stares, emotional flashbacks, and people yelling their feelings. I didn’t blink for three hours. Now I bow before my microwave and call it “Sensei.”

In this episode, I observe Star from a safe distance and activate Emergency Protocols: no sudden moves, no loud sounds, and absolutely no blinking. Survival status: uncertain.

In this episode, I enter the kitchen with big dreams and leave with… smoke. I learned that “medium heat” is a lie, raw vegetables are emotional, and pasta can catch fire if you believe in yourself hard enough. Dinner? Canceled. Again.

In this episode, I prepare for a potential Earth scenario involving brain-eating chaos. I’ve got snacks, a mop (for morale), Luna the unicorn (for combat), and an extra hoodie. Now accepting applications for my survival team. BYO flashlight.

In this episode, I explore Earth flavors with great optimism and zero preparation. What followed was a culinary rollercoaster I was not emotionally equipped for. Let’s just say… my taste buds have questions.

In this episode, I attempt repairs using Earth tools. I don’t fix things, I just rearrange their ability to function. Now the toaster makes jazz noises.

In this episode, I encountered a tiny human. Honestly, I’m not sure what version of the software it’s running. Pretty sure it could destroy me in a staring contest.

In this episode, I share my totally intentional journey here. Earth is noisy, unpredictable, and full of strange wonders… 10/10 adventure. Would land again.

In this episode, I confront Earth's most chaotic invention: electronics. Everything beeps, blinks, or updates just to cause anxiety. I tried to set a timer and accidentally joined a Zoom call. Also… I may have opened someone’s garage in Ohio.

In this episode, I attempt to explain myself... which, as usual, turns into a mildly chaotic spiral involving hoodies, honorifics, and emotional snacks. It's not about labels, it’s about energy. And also maybe about being called something very official that makes me feel like I own a tiny moon.

In this episode, I break down everything I’ve learned from observing the tiny, mysterious Earth creature known as “cat.” Super important: Accept that you live in its house now.

In this episode, I watched Alien vs. Predator thinking it was a serious educational Earth documentary. What I witnessed was… a lot. Loud noises. Intergalactic beef. I took notes. For legal reasons, I will not be filing a complaint.

In this episode, I talk about the moment I met a small, furry Earth being with intense eye contact and zero respect for personal space. I don’t know what it is, but it claimed my hoodie and knocked over my drink. I named it Star. I may have been adopted.

In this episode, I confess my obsession with spotless corners, late-night scrubbing marathons, and the high I get from buying a new mop. If mops had fan clubs, I’d be president.

In this episode, I explore the emotional chaos of keeping something alive and being a new plant parent. We’re both doing our best.

In this episode I talk you about my best friend, bodyguard, and emotional support unicorn: Luna. I would die for her, though she’d probably save us both first. Endearing? Yes. Violent? Occasionally. Worth it? Absolutely.

In this episode, I discuss my extreme sound sensitivity, the sanctuary that is my white headphones, and the mysterious creature upstairs who vacuums at 2 a.m. on purpose. At this point, I don’t know if I need therapy or a mute button.

In this episode, I dive into the chaotic world of raw fruits and vegetables, my complicated relationship with germs, and the emotional safety of pre-sliced snacks. Spoiler: I survived. Barely. The grapes did not.

This episode unpacks how a K-pop video shattered my emotional defenses and led me to discover the ultimate human survival gear: black hoodie and matching sweatpants. Not sure what just happened, but I felt it. Juno :)