Fetch A Pail

Show notes are short this week because someone is a poor planner (spoiler alert it ain’t Jackie, they are an amazing planner as mentioned in this episode probably). Anyway I’m calling them Showrt Notes. This week’s episode has a lot of fun jokes, and a few more serious moments. As Allisa Ner would say, “We laughed, we cried, we’re emotionally spent.” We hope you enjoy the ride! If you like us, may...

Holy downloads, Batman! Thank you for dedicating some of the storage on your mobile devices to us  TWO THOUSAND TIMES!!! We’re not worthy *Wayne’s World bow* Actually, we are worthy! Keep the bow but scratch the insincere humbleness, we think we’re awesome and we are grateful that you seem to agree

The show notes writer has a migraine so instead of the amazing, hilarious and insightful pre-recap… precap? to which you’ve become accustomed, you’re going to get a short essay about Season 6 of Love Island UK. First of all, Shaughna - you’re a fierce bitch and you can do better than Callum. Secondly, why are there so many Scaffolders in ye ole England? Somehow this show is simultaneously the tras...

First of all we’d like to say thanks to our “sponsor” 24 Hour Fitness for freezing Jackie’s membership and giving them all the months they purchased now that gyms are open again. Also, YOU’RE WELCOME to our sponsor for their thousands of new members as soon as this episode drops. Jill did the opposite of going to the gym which is apparently watching The Godzilla: The King of The Monsters or whatev...

It’s the Quarter Quell, bitches! Or maybe a less murdery reference to something that happens every 25 years (episodes). We can finally rent a car!!! Is that better? Anyway, wow what a wild ride. Episode 25 features a sober Jackie who always says every word and phrase correctly on the first try, and an emotionally stable Jill who talks about a science thing and then is thinking “...wait, was that e...

Another week of technical difficulties that Jill was about to blame on Mercury’s backwards ass but it turns out Retrograde ended on 2/20 so what’s our dang excuse?! Anyway after last week’s lost episode Jackie and Jill were very careful and even recorded backups! Then our audio recorder did weird robot things to Jackie’s track and their backup failed so we are sorry for the audio quality which is...

This week’s episode was recorded in a different space time once again and your hosts are feelin it. And tastin it. It tastes orange. Anyway, Jackie talks about a questionably executed redecorating project and Jill can barely handle the stress of it, but snitches get stitches so she’s cool, she swears! The FAP check prompts another sport cut length tangent about fake nails and takes us right on in...

This week Jackie decides brownies are out and boozy strawberries dipped in a buncha candy are in. Also Walgreens Pizzas are out and Sprouts are back in. Jill reminisces about the simpler times when people (her parents) just did stuff for her so she could have fun. The Boomers asked, and Jackie answers - what’s the scoop with POS? A complete stranger who definitely does not share a bed with either...

This show has everything! Jokes, games, penis smells. Even puzzles! It’s the hottest podcast on the West Coast. Super exclusive known only to an elite few, whisper about it to your coolest friends and you MIGHT get on the guest list. Slide into thine DMs for VIP treatment. Anyway Jackie had a good week as they are wont to do and Jill really forked up her weekend plans even though they didn’t even...

Jackie is drinking again and Jill has thrown caution to the wind and is adding stomach ache and diarrhea to her list of today’s ailments in pursuit of true happiness (aka a chocolate milkshake). One could argue true happiness is also why Jackie is drinking again. All in all both ya hosts had a good week and ate good food and enjoyed their very different lifestyles. Also, these bitches PREPARED for...

This week Jackie and Jill both feel pretty...meh. But that’s fine and normal and ya know what? They help each other turn shit around because *sings* that’s what friends are fooooorrrr. Jackie pulls another fast one on Jill with a surprise guest and a very rude and diffucult game that no one likes. Jill outs herself as “not really a pet person” (don’t @ her!) and Jackie introduces a new segment tha...

Wow episode 18. Our show just turned old enough to buy porno mags. I mean vote! If episodes were the same as years. Anyway time flies when you’re trying to maintain a normal and happy life in a dystopian hellscape. This week Jackie made some home furnishing upgrades and enjoyed the new spoils with their best gals. Jill made a delicious-ass cake (not to be confused with a delicious ass-cake) for he...

To kick off 2021 Jackie and Jill watched Ratatouille: The TikTok Musical and despite the fact that there’s no way for the listeners to watch it they talk about it at great length. Jill gets lost in Nerdsville talking about The Expanse and Jackie has a new favorite white wine… we think. It’s hard to say for sure. Jill talks about the Bachelor during current obsessions but forgets to mention that sh...

Jackie and Jill both had several days off for Christmas and found themselves feeling very differently about the interruption to their routines. Jill has had enough cookies but could use a few more days off and Jackie can’t get enough goddamn Brussels sprouts and can’t wait to get back to work. Jill drops a single FAP in the FAP Check and while attempting to report on a Celebrity misstep during Que...

It’s the Holiday Spooktacular!!! Wait, that doesn’t seem right. Anyway, this festive ass episode is extra long and extra good so sit back and enjoy! (That’s what she said?) Jackie has been giving and receiving Christmas cards whilst Jill has been giving and receiving (what some might call an excess of) Christmas cookies. We have a very super extra special Cork Bork wherein a surprise guest appears...

Jill turns 34 and literally nothing changes. Birthdays past year 25 don’t really seem to mean anything, but she has a lovely time all the same. Jackie is doing amazing as always because of reasons including but not limited to the healing of their medical grade butt cheek wound. Jill is feeling unsure about the word wound because it looks the same as like if you were to have wound something up like...

The universe gets confused and punishes Uggz for Jackie having the audacity to clean their room but don't fret - after another adventure to the vet’s office all parties are on the mend. Jackie FINALLY gets to find out what kind of porn is available at the spermatorium and Jill teaches Jackie about sounding. As Jill writes these notes she realizes maybe her family should stop listening to this podc...

Jack and Jill relive their holiday eating experiences and try to remember what the hell else they did last week. Jill learns about some curious kinks and Jack considers leaving Jill for another cohost on a show with a much better name. This week’s Science, Bitch! gives Jack the willies and promises to do the same for any other mycophobes. Join us for all this plus Queer Qorner, Cork Bork and whate...

Gravy Goddess and Jill talk about their holiday plans (spoiler alert, they’re staying home but making the most of it) and try to tell enough jokes to make everyone forget that the show is supposed to have a format. Jill still can’t remember the name of the PS5 game she keeps trying to talk about (Astro’s Playroom) but it’s not interesting enough for a FAP check so don’t worry about it. Jill accide...

Jack has given up their time travel pills and is struggling through a pile of homeopathic insomnia remedies which will hopefully work eventually! Jill is also tired, but for more boring reasons including but not not limited to working weird hours. Jack shares about a recent highly anticipated appointment and Jill asks questions about it which somehow leads to the title of this episode. Also featur...

After Armageddon was narrowly avoided (probably), Jack tells of their weekend celebratory eating and Jill drools about it. Jill thinks she’s drinking fancy wine but it’s probably just Sweet Berry Wine. A listener question reveals that Jill doesn’t understand how guns work, or what superheroes are. All this plus Queer Qorner, Current Obsessions and even a quick Science, Bitch! Find us on Twitter: h...

Jack and Jill are (Cleopatra) comin atchya early this week as we all hunker down and await news of the fate of America, whatever it may be. Jack recounts their Halloween weekend including but not limited to cute costumes and too many mimosas. Jill talks about watching YouTube videos about restoring antique furniture like it’s interesting and Jack politely pretends they agree despite being hungover...

This week your favorite co-hosts have a drink together to celebrate Jack’s birthday and catch up on the latest. They dip their toes into the realm of bummery for a mome here and there but mostly manage to have a good time! Jack shares harrowing tales of suburban malls and Cheddar Bay Biscuits and Jill gets existential AF during Science, Bitch!    The End of The World with Josh Clark Apple: https:/...

This week Jack & Jill get a late start due to some non electricity related unforeseen circumstances, thankfully all is well but they find themselves a bit bushed on this Friday Jr. Jill reveals yet another ailment which is (shockingly) not hypochondria. Jack loses and gains a bicycle and prepares for their upcoming birthday, which Jill always remembers even without multiple choice. Enjoy all this...

This week Jack & Jill celebrate National Coming Out Day with some exciting news! They also say "Science, Bitch is DEFINITELY a segment" and then forget to include it. Jack reveals the long awaited PAIL acronym and Jill gets some professional insight into her super normal non weird dream about shittin' in a shoe box. Enjoy all this in addition to your favorite segments like Queer Qorner, Cork Bork...