Doing Marriage Well

This episode explores the steady decline in sexual frequency among married couples, the surprising role of solo relief, and why the lack of sex can harm relationship satisfaction. Paul emphasises communication and practical strategies—talking openly about desires, treating sexual drives as a shared issue, and simple steps like mutual masturbation to help couples understand each other and make more...

In this episode Paul urges couples to take ownership of their marriage by recognising that staying passive is itself a choice. He explains how unhappy marriages worsen over time and encourages listeners to identify their personal deal-makers (must-haves) and deal-breakers to decide what they will tolerate and what requires change. Practical steps include making a list, reflecting on it, and then a...

In this episode Paul explores how one person's choices and reactions can reshape a marriage. He explains that changing behaviours, responses, and engagement—rather than demanding changes from a spouse—can shift dynamics and invite healthier interactions. He also emphasises setting boundaries against unhealthy behaviour, practising self-reflection, and offering consistent acts of kindness to encour...

In this episode Paul outlines five common reasons we resist change in relationships: feeling undeserving, identity tied to current behaviour, fear of failure, fear of loss, and comfort with the status quo. He shows how these barriers can lead to sabotage, pushback from partners, and long-term stagnation and invites listeners to reflect on which patterns they recognise in themselves or their spouse...

In this episode, Paul and Lori encourage listeners to stop living other people’s lives or reacting in rebellion, and instead take responsibility for their choices—especially within marriage. They explain how most adults have the power to change their circumstances, despite fears and perceived barriers. Listeners are asked to reflect on what they dislike about their life and marriage, identify real...

This episode examines the relationship between sex and love in marriage, highlighting that neither can solve the other's problems. Using Mary McCarthy's insight—"You mustn't force sex to do the work of love or love to do the work of sex"—Paul explains why good sex and a healthy relationship are distinct but both necessary. Practical guidance is offered: maintain a functional sexual routine while y...

A recent observational study found that romantic partners who feel uncertain about their relationship tend to experience more negative emotions during everyday conversations. Researchers used recordings of couples rather than surveys, which revealed interaction patterns that surveys miss. People who are unsure where they stand often do not give their partner the benefit of the doubt and feel confu...

Host Paul explores how neurodivergence — especially ADHD but also autism, dyslexia, prosopagnosia and others — shapes emotional needs and perceptions of support within marriage. He discusses a study showing many adults with ADHD feel they don’t receive the emotional help they need from partners and explains how different cognitive and emotional patterns can create relationship gaps. The episode em...

This episode helps couples distinguish dreams, goals, aims, ambitions, targets, and quests—and shows why labelling and communicating your desires matter for a healthy marriage. Paul and Lori share how a personal dream became a shared RV goal, offering practical steps to align visions, plus a mention of supporting the Humphrey family as they seek a home for eight foster children. Speaking of foster...

Doing Marriage Well — May 25, 2026: This episode examines whether venting actually helps with anger and why many studies show it keeps us stuck in a fight-or-flight state instead of calming us down. Paul explains the difference between healthy reflection and harmful venting, and offers practical alternatives to reduce arousal—breathing exercises, long hugs, and slow walks (especially without rehas...

This episode explores how cognitive biases and miscommunication affect couples' sexual lives, covering mismatched frequency estimates, misinterpreted signals, and misconceptions about female orgasm, and offers simple strategies for clearer communication and better understanding.

In this episode of Doing Marriage Well (May 21, 2026), Paul explains three cognitive biases that can damage relationships: the Zanargic effect (remembering unfinished tasks more than completed ones), negativity bias (focusing on problems over positives), and the false consensus effect (assuming your partner shares your views). Paul offers a simple remedy: question your assumptions, ask clarifying...

Today’s episode explains two cognitive biases—the availability heuristic and anchoring bias—and how they make us overestimate past mistakes and ignore present improvements in our partners. Using everyday examples, it shows why we remember some events more easily and why first impressions can unfairly shape ongoing expectations. Practical tips include mentally tracking high points, challenging assu...

Paul explains how fundamental attribution error and self-serving bias make us excuse our own faults while blaming our partner, creating anger and distance in marriage. He offers simple fixes: try imagining external reasons for your spouse’s actions and ask a trusted friend to point out when you’re being unfair, so you can see yourself honestly and improve your relationship.

In this episode of Doing Marriage Well (May 18, 2026), Paul explores how cognitive biases—like confirmation bias—distort how we interpret our spouse’s words and actions, leading to misunderstandings and hurt. He gives everyday examples (feeling underappreciated, criticism loops, jealousy, and perceived incompatibility) and encourages listeners to examine their own thinking, give their partner the...

This episode explores the choice between accepting a painful, unchanging part of your marriage and issuing an ultimatum. It offers practical questions to decide if the issue justifies divorce, how to grieve and move forward, and ways to live well, whether your spouse joins you or not. It also explains how to give an effective ultimatum—clear expectations, a timeline, written documentation, outside...

In this episode Paul explores how sexual choices—especially pornography and emotionally empty sex—damage marriage. He explains how men and women often misjudge consequences, how porn can undermine trust and desire, and how empty sex leaves partners feeling unloved. Paul offers practical perspective: recognize the real costs of your choices, prioritize emotional connection, and treat your partner’s...

This episode explores how fear—fear of failure, fear of change, and fear of a spouse's anger—undermines healthy choices in marriage. It explains how avoidance and control keep problems from being addressed until they grow worse, and why third-party help or firm action may be necessary to break the pattern.

This episode explores why we often label a partner as "lazy" and shows how burnout, low motivation, or emotional detachment can be the real issues behind marital friction. Paul encourages honest self-reflection and calm conversations, and explains how identifying the root cause—rather than assigning blame—helps couples choose healthier responses and work toward change.

This episode examines how avoiding conflict by sacrificing core beliefs creates a false, temporary peace that ultimately harms marriages. It explains cognitive dissonance and gives real examples—changes in faith, parenting, politics, or sexual boundaries—people make to keep the relationship intact. Paul encourages listeners to stand firm, pray, and remain open to correction rather than giving up e...

This episode explores how letting our spouse’s actions dictate our responses undermines marriage. Paul explains why blaming your partner and reacting emotionally stall harmony, and why choosing to do what’s right—even when you’re the only one—creates healthier patterns. Practical takeaways include doing your part without keeping score, having difficult conversations before burnout, and addressing...

In this episode Paul explains why premarital coaching is essential for couples—especially blended families—and how getting help early prevents or prepares you for future problems. He recommends tailored multi-session coaching (not a one-size-fits-all book study), using tools like Prepare and Enrich, and stresses that good coaching must address sex and continue as a resource after marriage. With re...

Paul urges couples not to suffer in silence and encourages seeking help for sexual problems. He highlights the Marriage Bed Forum and forums as safe, Christian places to read experiences and ask questions. He covers the pros and cons of getting help from friends, church leaders, and professionals, stressing the importance of trained Christian therapists and warning against harmful suggestions like...

This episode explains when it’s time to seek professional help for your marriage, how to find a trustworthy Christian counselor, and practical options including online therapy platforms. It covers cost and insurance realities, the value of referrals, blended-family expertise, setting clear goals for counseling, doing the work (homework), and staying open to personal change. Regain

This episode explores how pastors, vetted lay leaders, and marriage-focused small groups within your church can provide meaningful support for struggling marriages. It discusses pros and cons—training and privacy concerns—how church-backed help can be low-cost or free, and how group accountability and prayer can produce breakthroughs. TMB message boards