Crap Movie Club

Bet you didn't see this coming.  After almost 2 years we return and the term 'rusty' comes to mind.  Once you get past the awkward chat about Tim's vacuum cleaner, we spend over an hour reviewing Pierce Brosnan's career defining performance as a a scientist who tries to turn chimps into soldiers. https://www.instagram.com/crapmovieclub/ Intro Music - Fingerguns by Funkmamm...

Out of the blue we 're back for a brief dance with death as we review Cocaine Bear (2023).   This episode features constant mentions of hard drugs -  so if you can't bear that, then viewer discretion is advised.   https://www.instagram.com/crapmovieclub/ Intro Music - Fingerguns by Funkmammoth

Three things should stay extinct; Dinosaurs, Movie Franchises and Podcasts.  Somehow we're back and reviewing this 2022 cash-grab.  The movie execs were so preoccupied with the fact they could, they didn't stop to ask if they should...or something. https://www.instagram.com/crapmovieclub/ Intro Music - Fingerguns by Funkmammoth

The podcast that refuses to die releases a much anticipated review of Uncharted.  Listen as we find anyway to reference and talk about films we actually like, such as Money Plane, National Treasure and Sonic.    https://www.instagram.com/crapmovieclub/ Intro Music - Fingerguns by Funkmammoth

Scream / Scream 5 / 5cream came out earlier in the year and we took a trip to the cinema to see it in 4DX.  Granted this happened in January and I'm posting this in April so we can only apologise to the die hard CMC fans who have waited for a new episode with baited breath.  All signs point to the show being as dead as Dewey Riley, but really it will linger on like the ghost of Billy Loomis....

The CMC is in session as we review a classic meme of a movie that stars Gary Oldman in 'the role of a lifetime'.  Unfortunately nobody told Gary that the role of a lifetime will involve stuffing his lower body into a sofa and attaching two stuffed trouser legs to make him look like a dwarf. https://www.instagram.com/crapmovieclub/ Intro Music - Fingerguns by Funkmammoth

"When we first started the show, this is the kind of thing we had in mind, so it's been a long time coming".   Birdemic (2010) is a D.I.Y horror movie by visionary director James Nguyen.  Featuring ear-splitting sound effects, eye watering special effects and head scratching dialogue.  This is one not to be missed. https://www.instagram.com/crapmovieclub/ Intro Music - Fingerguns by...

After a long and unprofessional hiatus, we're back with a look at 2008's Jumper.   Some say this is Doug Leman's best work, but Mr & Mrs Smith would like a word with you. https://www.instagram.com/crapmovieclub/ Intro Music - Fingerguns by Funkmammoth

Enjoy listening to our review of this cheesy superhero flick from 1996.  Superheroes have come a long way since Billy Zane's portrayal of 'The Phantom'.  For one, they no longer use questionable catchphrases like "nobody refuses The Phantom".  It's probably for the best. https://www.instagram.com/crapmovieclub/ Intro Music - Fingerguns by Funkmammoth

We deliver on our commitments and complete our review of Netflix's Fear Street trilogy.  Find out if the premonitions which Jordan channelled from the spirit realm come true and listen as Tim single-handily unravels the film makers attempt to make the geography of Sunnyville/Shadyside make sense. https://www.instagram.com/crapmovieclub/ Intro Music - Fingerguns by Funkmammoth

We review Fear Street Part 2.  It's time for a trip down memory lane for Deena and the gang as they relive the camp nightwing massacre as told by the sole survivor - Gillian Jacobs. https://www.instagram.com/crapmovieclub/ Intro Music - Fingerguns by Funkmammoth

After a solid month off, we return with a run through of recent Netflix Horror adaption; Fear Street part 1.  Includes a new segment "what crappens next?" which sees Jordan channel the supernatural and make a series of premonitions on what he thinks will happen in part 2. https://www.instagram.com/crapmovieclub/ Intro Music - Fingerguns by Funkmammoth

The number 13 is unlucky for some, including for you if you lack the fine taste to listen to our review of this 2001 Horror flop. https://www.instagram.com/crapmovieclub/ Intro Music - Fingerguns by Funkmammoth

We review Phantoms: a very average 1998 Science Fiction / Horror starring a baby faced Ben Affleck, Rose McGowan and Peter O'Toole.  Any Jordan fans may be disappointed as this is the first ever episode without him - but Tom fans will feel relieved to know their favourite history boi is present. https://www.instagram.com/crapmovieclub/ Intro Music - Fingerguns by Funkmammoth

It's a full on Cage Rage - as we review this 2020 straight to streaming sci-fi mash up.  A team of Ju Jitsu masters fight an alien invader but not even Nic Cage can save this movie from the trash heap. https://www.instagram.com/crapmovieclub/ Intro Music - Fingerguns by Funkmammoth

We review Twilight with Lauren.  It would be too easy to crack loads of  vampire jokes in this episode description.  I don't want to be a pain in the neck so we will just say that this movie sucks. https://www.instagram.com/crapmovieclub/ Intro Music - Fingerguns by Funkmammoth

Listen as we review 2014 Horror flop 'The Pyramid'.  Max is willing to put money on the fact that in real life, there has never been a booby trap in a pyramid.   https://www.instagram.com/crapmovieclub/ Intro Music - Fingerguns by Funkmammoth

A film where you get to see Sean Connery have a fight with the Invisible Man.  Tim insists that the word "Extraordinary" is pronounced differently to the phrase "Extra Ordinary" but a poll of our 3 listeners was inconclusive. https://www.instagram.com/crapmovieclub/ Intro Music - Fingerguns by Funkmammoth

Imagine a film about a futuristic sport that involves motorbikes, roller skates and LL Cool J.  You just imagined the bad version of Rollerball.   https://www.instagram.com/crapmovieclub/ Intro Music - Fingerguns by Funkmammoth

We scrape the bottom of the barrel and review Piranha 3DD.  The "DD" is a breast joke and that's about as good as the humour gets in this sloppy as crap creature feature. https://www.instagram.com/crapmovieclub/ Intro Music - Fingerguns by Funkmammoth

Love is in the air as we review Moonstruck - a Rom/Com from 1987 starring Cher and Nic Cage.  Super special guest Lauren is back with us and we fail to make it to the end of the episode without offending Italians or people with wooden hands. https://www.instagram.com/crapmovieclub/ Intro Music - Fingerguns by Funkmammoth

We're back and talking about The Happening.  M. Night Shyamalan is a director famously known for his twists, but much to Jordan's disappointment there is no real twist in The Happening and Jordan is not someone who is easily disappointed.  I hope you're happy M.Night. https://www.instagram.com/crapmovieclub/ Intro Music - Fingerguns by Funkmammoth

There's a legend in the underworld of a bullet proof casino in the sky.  It's the money plane and forget about it being a legend because it's 100% real and the cast are on board it within 15 minutes of this straight-to-streaming heist movie.   https://www.instagram.com/crapmovieclub/ Intro Music - Fingerguns by Funkmammoth

The most forgettable film in the Scream franchise is reviewed by the most forgettable Movie podcast.  Listen as Max, Tim and Jordan come to the realisation that this film is actually a tragedy about how Cotton Weary's life is ruined by the film's real villain, Sidney Prescott. https://www.instagram.com/crapmovieclub/ Intro Music - Fingerguns by Funkmammoth

Tim hosts as we have a relaxed conversation about upcoming 2021 releases and what we're most looking forward to.  Includes lightweight discussion of the following; A Quiet Place 2, Godzilla Vs Kong, Candyman, No Time To Die, Halloween Kills, The Little Things, Spiderman 3, The Matrix 4 and The French Dispatch. https://www.instagram.com/crapmovieclub/