Crafting Solutions to Conflict

It’s not always easy to quit while you are ahead. But, when ongoing relationships matter, it’s worth the effort. How to do it? First, keep a laser focus on the prize. Not the peripheral issues. Let them go. Next, think ahead of time how the “win” might roll out. Consider, individually and within a faction, how to respond – including by saying nothing. Adopt a long view.  Try to accept a win gracio...

Sherri Noxel joins me today to talk about the challenges of family farms. These family businesses encounter the familiar ones – including the role of nonfamily employees, succession planning, and addressing legacy issues. They also face circumstances not commonly found in other industries, most importantly, their special connection to the land where they work and, frequently, also live. You can le...

We can have very different views about  charitable giving and that can lead to conflict. Magic, easy answers will be elusive. But a few reminders can help. Know your own priorities and values and be true to them.       First, don’t be the passionate supporter who becomes the pushy one. If you are on the receiving end of the pushiness, you can decline politely – and completely. Or you can choose to...

Fundamentally, it’s best to avoid a conflict.  We are not required to form judgments about other people’s spending. We can let that go and focus on other things. And if we do form judgments, we can keep them to ourselves. Both because we don’t know everything and because it’s not our job to judge.  Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict manag...

We can have attitudes about other people’s income sources.  And we can consider if and how we share our thoughts. Going back to my most recent guest, Natalie WagnerWillis: we need to be clear on our own priorities and values. How they apply to us internally, and how they connect us to others. Just labelling the other perspectives as wrong is unhelpful. Better to have both a clear understanding of...

Natalie WagnerWillis is my guest.  Natalie is a certified money coach and Finologist. Her father, Dick Wagner, was the original Finologist. Natalie shares her origin story and how she has developed and refined her own understanding of how we can better understand our internal relationship with money andour connection with the rest of the world through the exchange of money.  You can learn more abo...

The International Academy of Collaborative Professionals offers this definition: “Collaborative Practice is a voluntary dispute resolution process in which parties settle without resort to litigation.”  “Each party must be represented by a lawyer whose representation terminates upon the undertaking of any contested court proceeding.” https://www.collaborativepractice.com/ On the face of it, this s...

From the website of the International Academy of Collaborative Professionals: “Collaborative Practice is a voluntary dispute resolution process in which parties settle without resort to litigation.”  The key point:  “Each party must be represented by a lawyer whose representation terminates upon the undertaking of any contested court proceeding.” That written agreement is essential. https://www.co...

Peter Johnson joins me today. We talk about his book, The Little Book of Family Treasure: Building Family Connection, Well-Being, and Legacy. And Peter explains how collaborative practice, more commonly known in the field of divorce, brings great value to the area of trusts and estates.  You can learn more about Peter’s work here:  https://pwjohnson.com/ Do you have comments or suggestions about a...

Problems start when we make false assumptions about entire generations, entire cohorts, and the individuals we meet who fall into one of them. So, what to do about it? First, recognize what we are doing. Next, take a moment to consider why people in that generation or cohort might tend to have the viewpoints they do.  Consider how you can take into account this different perspective.   Do you have...

We hear plenty of stereotypes about generations. In cohort theory, the emphasis is not on rigid boundaries set by birth years, but on shared experiences. Generations and cohorts themselves don’t necessarily get us into trouble. False assumptions do. Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at  jb@d...

David Russell joins me today. We talk about his book, Bridging the Generational Divide: Generational Perspectives on Money. David says that his book is intended as a guide for advisors who are navigating family wealth, values, and conversations across generations.         I say that it has valuable insights for anyone interested in these challenges. Advisors who are not financial advisors, family...

The direct ones are, well, direct. They are easy to see. Who wouldn’t be offended?  Indirect triggers are trickier.  If I know the other person well, I may have a good guess at their indirect triggers. I can try not to create problems. I can consider those indirect triggers when I speak or don’t – or act or don’t. If I don’t know the other person well, and I inadvertently hit an indirect trigger,...

Dr. Mitch Abrams joins me to talk about his book, I’m Not F*cking Angry!: adjust the flame to get what you want and need.  We discuss the distinction between anger and aggression, and our perceptions of aggression vs. assertiveness.  Plus, some helpful insights about apologies: as the person offering one and as the person on the receiving end.  You can learn more about his work and contact him thr...

Three brief episodes from me. It’s just a coincidence that they published three in a row in the summer. First, Episode 345, published on July 30, 2025, “Conversations, chats, discussions….” 4:23,  http://bit.ly/40O1p1X . Second, Episode 346, published on August 6, 2025, “First you make a plan”. 4:27,  http://bit.ly/4fA7hlG . Third, Episode 347, published on August 13, 2025, “… and then you get rea...

My most recent guests, Alice Driscoll and Louise van Haarst, talked with me about their book, Smart Conflict: How to have hard conversations at work. They introduced their Five R Model: Reflection, Regulation, Readiness, Response, and Repair.  The very words “caught off guard” set the tone. You are on defense. It’s a difficult conversation. Because you didn’t see this coming, you do not have a res...

My most recent guests, Alice Driscoll and Louise van Haarst, talked with me about their book, Smart Conflict: How to have hard conversations at work. They introduced their Five R Model: Reflection, Regulation, Readiness, Response, and Repair. Thinking about Response. There are times when you know the likely path a difficult conversation will take.  You may know the other person well. Or you may ha...

Alice Driscoll and Louise van Harrst join me today. We talk about their book, Smart Conflict: How to have hard conversations at work. Our conversation is in two parts.  Last time, in Part 1, we covered the foundation for the contents of the book and discuss and overview of the five Rs of their model. This time, in Part 2, we continue with a deeper dive into those five Rs – noting that it is possib...

Alice Driscoll and Louise van Harrst join me today. We talk about their book, Smart Conflict: How to have hard conversations at work. Our conversation is in two parts. Today, in Part 1, we cover the foundation for the contents of the book and discuss and overview of the five Rs of their model.  And next time, in Part 2,  we continue with a deeper dive into those five Rs – noting that it is possibl...

Way back in March 2020, I published two episodes about VUCA. VUCA V - U -C- A is an acronym describing a concept that was developed by the U. S. Army War College to describe the world after the end of the Cold War. A world that was more Volatile, V; Uncertain, U: Complex, C; and Ambiguous, A. Peter Schein talked with me in Episode 361, published two weeks ago, about his book, Humble Inquiry: The G...

My most recent guest, Peter Schein, talked with me about his book, Humble Inquiry: The Gentle Art of Asking Instead of Telling. Peter makes a distinction between Humble Inquiry and humility. The Humble Inquiry attitude does not require humility as a personality trait. Some of us do tend toward arrogance. Yet, that trait does not preclude the application of Humble Inquiry. Peter suggests thinking o...

Peter Schein joins the show to  talk about his book, the third edition of Humble Inquiry: The Gentle Art of Asking Instead of Telling. Peter had previously written with his father, Edgar Schein, now deceased. We discuss the concept of humbly inquiring, instead of boldly telling, with the goal of building relationships. And we explore how Humble Inquiry is both an art and an attitude.  You can lear...

“Holding off” may seem to be the opposite of jumping in, but there are some other angles. Holding off has a flavor of deliberate choice. I am thinking this through and reaching the conclusion that now is not the time. This is not the same as wimping out. It’s a decision based on a reasoned analysis.  Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict man...

In the context of preventing and resolving bad conflict, “jumping in” will typically be a bad idea. Why? Because it is fast. That’s the whole point. Life today both prizes speed and forces it as the world seems to change faster and faster. The problem? Fast serves us well when being chased by a tiger, but not so well in many other situations.  When we allow ourselves some time to actually think, w...

Buddy Thomas joins me to talk about his book: Love, Wisdom, Money: The Family Fiduciary’s Guide to Generative Wealth. We discuss the higher standards of being a family fiduciary and how family leaders become one. Buddy also describes the phases of the intergenerational wealth journey the families can be found in: Accumulators, Harvesters, Stewards, Survivors, or Heirs.  You can learn more about hi...