Complete Sobriety

Outside the country for a month and lazy. I need to get motivated and do something.

I find that I am more comfortable taking a risks expressive myself through music, speech, or social engagement Taking these risks exposes me to occadional embarrasment, which does not seem to hurt me much now that I am sober. I wish I was laughing more but I expect that to improve with time. The underlyibg change in me is that I don't take myself so seriously anymore.

I ofren do or say what others expect of me - somethijg I call "People Pleasing". I get myself into difficult situations when I do this which has created drama and anxiety. I need to be careful about people-pleasing

Some days go by without thinking about using any pot, which is miraculous for me. Some days were difficult though because of sadness or anger. I am dealing better than previous attempts at sobriety.

My Christmas gift to young listeners is a warning. Modern weed is dangerous for young brains, it can make kids psychotic, or permanently damage their brain. Bryn Spejcher turned psycho and killed the guy she was smoking with. She told her story to Dr. Phil in the video below. https://youtu.be/vrSfv_Wrfac?si=ED3wtR3BYM--WoJJ

I am feeling a heaviness in my chest and not connecting with others very well. I want to be aware of sensations in my body and the feeings that cause them. Then I want to identify life events that cause those feelings. Once I trace it back to life events, I can determine what I can control: change what I can and accept what I cannot.

I am now sober longer the second longest time period in my entire adult life. It should be a a time to celebrate but my feelings are mixed.

A primitive fear of death might be a root cause of my addiction. I use alcohol and drugs to comfort my fears and insecurities.

I listened some audio journals from my last attempt at quitting THC and compare to how I am doing this time. My last attempt lasted 56 days until relapse.

Three events made me feel like I dont belong. I notice that this emotion can dominate how I feel about everything. Individual events do not take away all purpose in life. The truth is that there are communities and groups where I fit in just fine.

Someone from group suggested that I go back and repeat my 12 steps. Initially, that irritated me and I thought defensively. But after considering how I accept criticism in some areas, I realize that I don't like criticism about my addiction recovery. My ego and self-centeredness become obstacles.

We had Thanksgiving at my house this year. Much better to share a meal with friends that want community than chasing what it used to be in childhood. This is the start of holiday season which is fraught with challenges for an addict like me.

Lots of stuff has broken or failed recently. Some things I fixed. Somethings I called for help. I realized that my bad thinking wasn't helping and rational problem-solving was a better approach. Addicts like me can become trapped in crazy thinking and an unhealthy victim attitude.

The modern world has become flooded with information, which benefits me in many ways but there are downsides. The Information Age has come to an end and the world is entering the "Attention Age".

One major symptom of Sobriety is my lack of Life Force which has become an obstacle to accomplishing chores and physical activity. I call it Life Force because this is different than physical strength or my desire to do things. It might be lack of sleep, poor nutrition, or an unknown cause that I need to discover.

I listened to another podcast of a guy sober from pot who laughed and giggled. It has been a long time since I have laughed.

Without alcohol or pot, my mind is more active and has a tendancy to race. Some might call this rumination. In the past, my over active mind has driven me to drink or drug. This time, I gently guided my thoughts to pleasant or neutral topics.

I have collected biometrics about myself and analyze how THC effects my sleep. Scientists say that quality sleep is essential for health yet most people, especially addicts, do not get enough.

I quit alcohol and switched to pot to get high. It seemed like a good idea at the time but then it resulted in me becoming addicted to something else. Substituting one drug for another has not been the best way to get sober.

I had a busy day running between meetings and working on a long list of tasks. My back cramped up and I was sighing a lot. Schedule adjustments are needed to maintain my Sobriety.

The literature guy and I have a strained relationship and are not communicating. I want to make ammends with him for the benifit of both of us and the group at large.

Yesterday, my tenant turned away the electrician because of their appearance. I think that was unfair and prejudiced which irritated me. Today, I went over there myself to let the elctricians into the unit so they could complete the job. I could have confronted the tenant about it but I chose not to.

Trying something new for the Complete Sobriety podcast by bringing on a guest. Sir Pas and I will talk about joy in our lives and how drugs have factored into our experience of joy.

SInce quitting marijuana, I have been losing weight. Today, I am happy to report that my weight has dropped below 200 pounds! While using THC, I snack and over-eat, and my weight changes over the past couple months clearly reflects that.

A few days ago, I was invited to a small church. Today, after my regular mediation meeting, I attended that church for sunday service . Lots of youth and energy!